Wii, Wii, Wii

This is an official warning. No one should give a 43 year old a Wii for Christmas! Oh, my. I just set ours up yesterday and I am sore as I don't know what. I think it was the baseball that did me in. I was really throwing those speed balls.

Anyway, it's nice to have 2 days off following Christmas. It gives enough time to clean up. We took advantage of the 60 degree temps yesterday to finally take the boat up for the winter. I am now making ham and bean soup with leftovers. I made Hunter take me out last night for a steak dinner.

I have to wash Hunter's tuxedo shirt in preparation for the Holly Ball tomorrow night. That is a charity ball during which young debutantes make their bow. It's old fashioned, I know. But I made my debut 24 years ago and it is a local tradition. It's a chance to dress up and dance the night away. Hope my muscles recover by then. It's definitely a high heel event. Here is a picture of me and Hunter with my cousin, Queen Sarah at the 2005 Holly Ball.

This is my favorite picture of Christmas day. These are the little guys who were bouncing off the walls on Christmas Eve. They are waiting for their Dad to bring more gas. We had a fabulous, but tiring day. Thank goodness it only comes once a year .

Merry Christmas!

Well, I'm just waiting for work to wind down so I can face the last minute rush. My co-worker, who happens to be married to my cousin, has her three boys in the office today since they didn't have school. They are 7, 5 and 4 years old. So as you can imagine, they are bouncing off the walls. But it is fun to watch them. We have been tracking Santa on the NORAD site. It's been quiet at work, except for the boys that is. We have had to use the old, "Behave or Santa won't come" threat. But honestly, that never worked when I was a kid, and it still doesn't. So, God Bless their parents tonight.

Anyway, I'm doing great this year. The next 48 hours will be very busy and I am usually busy every night during the following week with parties or dinners. So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!

I have debated back and forth whether to post this. I intended this blog to be a record of our adoption journey. Well, something happened this week. It is a part of our journey, so here goes.

On last Monday I was experiencing a very heavy period. Prior to that I had been spotting almost everyday for 2 weeks. My co-worker told me I should definitely get checked out. "You know what it might be" she said. "Cancer?" I replied. "No, a botched pregnancy" she said. "Yeah, right," I said. But I went ahead and scheduled my fist gynecological exam since we did the IVF back in 2006. Very irresponsible of me, but that's how it goes.

Before the IVF, I was going to an all woman practice in Williamsburg. I didn't have time to schedule an appointment with them. However, we now have a female gynecologist locally and I decided to check her out. My mom is an ER nurse and she gave her two thumbs up. So last Wednesday I went. When I finally saw the doctor, we discussed my problem. I also shared that we had undergone fertility treatments and were on the path to adoption. She's a wonderful doctor. She explained that she would take a endometrial biopsy, a blood sample to test my hormones and I would need to come back for an ultrasound once my period was done to check for fibroids. By the way, they would automatically test for pregnancy even though we both knew it would be negative.

After being out of the office briefly on Thursday, my co-worker said, "Your doctor wants you to call her on her cell phone." What? So as I dialed the number, all I could think was "Cancer". I made myself sit down while the phone rang. The doctor picked up and thus began to explain that while my biopsy results were not in yet, my bloodwork was. She said my hormones looked good. Thyroid was fine. "But, are you sitting down?" she asked. Well, yes actually I was. "Your pregnancy test came back positive."

The ground could have opened up and swallowed me whole. Scrape me off the floor, etc. etc. I hung up the phone and laid my head on my desk and just started crying. My co-worker asked, "Are you ok?". I said, I'm not dying. She asked, Is it the other thing? I said one way or the other. She said don't be sad, if it happened once, it could happen again. I heard what she was saying, but couldn't explain what I was really crying about. For probably the one time in my life, someone actually said to me- "Your pregnancy test came back positive"

Before hanging up, the doctor explained that this could be a pregnancy or a miscarriage. I needed to go back for bloodwork to find out. I went back the next day and the bloodwork confirmed that there had been a miscarriage. It's a sad thing. But I don't feel sad. I feel like it was a little Christmas miracle. For 24 hours, I was pregnant. If it never happens again, I will always be grateful for that little bit of time. I know it shouldn't make a difference in how I feel about myself, but it does. Believe me, I am not going back to the whole trying to get pregnant ordeal. I have no desire to go through a pregnancy at 43 years of age. Adoption is not a consolation prize. I believe adoption is how we are meant to expand our family and can't wait for the day we get the call that we will finally become parents

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood...

OK, went to the baby shower and did fine. It was just presents and food. My favorite kind of shower. I never could stand those shower games. It was at my aunt's house who happens to be the twins great-grandmother! She had a stroke about a year ago. She has spent the last year being rehabilitated. She still can't walk much, but on good days she can speak and interact. Sunday was a good day. She sat next to her grand-daughter-in-law and insisted on inspecting every present, stroking the fabric of the clothes or laughing when someone made a joke. It was a nice couple of hours spent with family.

On the way home I decided to take a little spin around town and as I was leaving, something caught my eye in the cemetery. There is a statue at the main entrance and someone had put an orange tee shirt on him. I had an idea who might have been up to such a prank and when I got closer, my suspicions were confirmed. Someone had taken a tee shirt from the local watering hole/marina and dressed Mr. Morris up (he was the one who founded the cemetery in town). I got a good laugh out of it and then decided to "visit" with some more family.

A couple times a year I take the time to visit various relatives' graves. I have a particular route that I drive to different sections of the cemetery. First I went to see my Dad's family, my grandfather and his siblings and spouses. Then I drive over to my Mom's grandparents. On the way there I stopped briefly to say hello to two men who died way too young when their parents' house caught fire back in the 1970's. Their father died last winter and he is with them now.

I must have gotten distracted because I found myself on the grass instead of the gravel. Well, we have had about 9 inches of rain in the last month, so of course my wheels got stuck. I tried to go forward, then backwards. Nope, I was good and stuck. There was only an hour of daylight left and my damn cell phone barely had any charge or signal on it. I panicked-nobody knew where I was, as this was an impromptu visit. I called Hunter and screamed quickly "Don't question me, I'm stuck in the cemetery. Bring the truck and rope now" I was so mad, I had wanted to get home to catch the end of the Saints game.

Well, we live a good half hour away and I knew it would take him forever. So I called one of my cousins that had been at the shower and told her what happened. "Is your husband at home??" No, she said, but she would try to call him. I got out of the car and sunk at least 2 inches into the mud and ruined my shoes. Why, oh why, had I chosen to wear heels today???!! I walked out to the the road and started heading towards the wharf at the end where my cousins keep their fishboats. Maybe someone would be there or at least I could use the phone. Nobody there, but hey, being in the country, they hadn't bothered to lock the door to the net house. But, both phones were dead. So I hoofed it all the way back to the car and Thank God! there was my good cousin-his wife had tracked him down-with tow ropes and a 4 wheel drive SUV.

It's times like these that make me so thankful to live in a small town and to have so many friends and relatives who will stop whatever they are doing if somebody needs help.

Smile, Smile!

Off to the Baby Shower. Wish me luck.

The Dreaded Baby Shower Invitation

Oh, Boy! Just as I have been preparing to get through the holidays, today I received a baby shower invitation. I've been lucky. I think this is the first baby shower invitation I have gotten since before we got married six years ago. Most of my girlfriends had their babies before I was married. During our first year of marriage, my brother and sister-in-law started their family and I happily gave my sister-in-law a baby shower. It was a year later that we realized getting pregnant was going to be a problem for us. During the time that we sought fertility treatments and failed, I had to smile and fight mixed emotions whenever family members would announce their second and third pregnancies. Every single child born since then has been a blessing. But it was hard to watch others add to their familes when we had little hope.


Anyway. Enough with the pity party. Only positive thoughts from now on. The shower is for my young cousin and his wife. They were blessed with twin girls this past weekend. It will be a great time. I am ready for it. Besides, it's a great excuse to shop for baby things!

Find My Family-ABC

I was hesitant to watch this new show on ABC, but decided to try it once. We are still waiting and I didn't know if the producers would be fair in their depiction of all sides of the adoption process. I had read on another blog that the adoptive parents stories might not be honored and that the reunions would be sensationalized like a soap opera.

I have to say I thought it was quite good. The two presenters are both adoptees and they were very calm and encouraging to all sides involved. The couple featured last night were high school sweethearts and became pregnant at 16. They explained how they made the decision to place the child with an adoptive family. They went on to get married a few years later and are still together raising three more children. The adoptee and her family were approached in a respectful manner and their story was given equal weight within the episode. They didn't seem to be pressured in any way. And ultimately in last night's episode, I was struck by how loving the reunion was. The adoptee's birth siblings were so adorable. They were obviously thrilled to meet their sister.

The whole meeting under the "family tree" thing is pretty cheesy and the announcer kind of over does it with his voice overs announcing the next segment. But it tugged at all the heart strings, while actually educating the viewer about the adoption process. I'll be happy to watch again. I think there is something to be learned in watching these stories unfold.

Bracing for the Holidays

Thank goodness it's a short work week. I wound up being pretty busy this weekend (and still didn't get everything done). My brother and nephew called Saturday morning to say they were coming for a visit. So we spent the afternoon with them. My nephew is such a clown when he has an audience.

We found out what he wanted for Christmas. All he would say is "Bat Cave". So Mom and I headed to the toy store Sunday. She wanted to get some holiday shopping done before they go on a 12 day cruise next Monday. I went along as driver. I'm not ready for shopping yet.

I have been dreading the whole holiday season and now it's here. The last three years were awful. I hated every commercial, every song on the radio, every stupid Christmas sweater I saw. I went through the motions. I sent out our cards and put up the tree. But I was just so angry inside and wanted it to all go away. Having my niece and nephew to buy for and watch open presents helped, but not enough.

We hadn't pursued any IF treatments since the summer of 2006, but we hadn't moved forward to adoption either. I tried to put it all from my mind because it just made me so angry. We could not decide what to do next. Just two years of limbo land.

Then last December, my mother called out of the blue and asked if we wanted to adopt a baby. What?? I thought she was joking or just being cruel. But no, she is an ER nurse and one of her co-workers knew of a young woman who was pregnant and not sure what to do. It had gotten through the hospital grapevine that we might possibly be interested in adoption. Hunter and I hadn't talked about adoption since the previous February. So I decided it was now or never and brought up the subject with this information. I could finally see it in his eyes. He was ready to adopt.

We didn't have a home study or an agency. I just knew it was fruitless to get involved in this situation. But I called one of the agencies we had encountered during our research. God bless the young woman who answered the phone and listened to me ramble on about our situation. Could we even have a chance with this baby if the mother decided on adoption, I asked. The answer was yes but we were not in the agency's service area. She gave me a number, I called. They gave me another number. I called. And finally I found an agency. I called my mother's co-worker that night and gave her all our contact numbers. I never heard anything else. But, later we went to the agency's info session and decided right there to go forward.

And now, nearly a year later, here we are. Waiting. But not nearly as bitter as the past few years. I am actually looking forward to decorating the house and listening to carols on the radio. I've even had my eye on one of those Christmas sweaters. I'm sure we'll get lots of questions about the adoption and I will happily say "We are waiting. Tell everyone you know!! And please pray for us".

Networking

I made up a little web page for us using our "Dear Birth Mother" letter and some various pics of us. I emailed the link to everyone in my email contacts and ask those who felt comfortable to do the same. We have had quite a few visits in just a couple of days. Very encouraging. Maybe that's why I'm coaching myself to have only positive thoughts.


I have had a few emails from people who have been sent the link. They are very kind to take the time. I also discovered a new blog. It is written by a woman who is about my age and doesn't live terribly far from me which is a miracle since we don't live in the city. She asked through a mutual friend to be introduced to me on Facebook. It is so nice to finally know someone close by who has been down the infertility road and who has now moved onto adoption.


Her blog today brought sad news that another birth mother did not choose them to parent her child. But she ended on a positive note and it reminded me of our first encounter at our adoption agency.


The woman who is now the agency's CEO told her adoption story. She was working as a lawyer and occasionally would do a case for the agency. She and her husband were infertile and decided to contact the agency about becoming adoptive parents. They were chosen by by a young woman who eventually decided to parent her child. She said she was so devastated. She went through all the emotions and the "Why me" thoughts. Not too long after, the agency called and there was another birth mom and she picked them and it all worked out. She and her husband settled into family life and a few years later they got a call out of the blue that their daughter's birth mom was pregnant and asked if they would be willing to parent her sibling. Even though they were not looking to adopt again they decided they could not pass up this opportunity. And now they are a family of four. And she decided to go to work for the agency.


It was a great story and it is one that I think of from time to time to keep me going. We all say it, "There is a child out there for you". But I think it is hard to believe until it finally happens to you. People can say supportive things all day long, but it doesn't take away the pain of not being chosen for a child you had dearly yearned for. I haven't been through that yet so I don't know how I would react if it does happen to us. I would hope that I could turn it into a positive and say there was a reason for this to happen this way and our child will find us eventually.

PMA

I can't believe I'm actually going to post this.

When I was in high school, I had a gym teacher who would annoyingly try to pump us up by telling us "Positive Mental Attitude" "PMA, people, PMA," he would shout while writing it on the blackboard. We all thought he was crazy and secretly rolled our eyes.

But, I have decided to take on this philosophy. No more negative thoughts. No more "Why Me?" or "When will it be our turn?". Only positive thoughts from now on. Dream it into action, if you will. I will envision a little one running around our house and it will happen. Positive. Positive. Positive.

New Orleans

We had a great time in New Orleans. Weather was great. Company was great. It was a busy weekend for the city. We didn't realize until we got there that the National DDay Museum was being rededicated as the National WWII Museum. Tom Hanks was in the city as well as Tom Brokaw and many WWII veterans. Also, the Saints are currently on a roll. So on Sunday the streets were filled with Saints jerseys with folks waiting for the game to begin at the Superdome.

It was good to see so many people visiting the Big Easy. The Streetcars were packed going up and down St. Charles Avenue. Hunter and I walked around Loyola's campus with my former roommate. (I refuse to call her "old") It hasn't changed too much. There are a few more buildings, including a brand new library. Pity they got rid of the Wolf Pub in the basement of the Danna Center. Back in the day we could actually sit back and enjoy a beer on campus and if we got lucky fellow classmate Harry Connick, Jr. and his trio would play some tunes on stage. But hey, they do now have a Sushi Bar. The sorority reunion was, ah, interesting. I think everyone had a great time. I know I enjoyed letting my hair down with friends from my college days. I wish more of them could have been there.

We took a city tour by bus. Normally I would not have. But I wanted Hunter to see that New Orleans is about more than just the French Quarter. Our guide was great. She is a resident of the 8th Ward and had evacuated before Katrina. Those places hit hardest by the levee breaks are still in horrible shape. It's pretty much just abandoned homes or absolutely empty lots as far as you can see. There is some rebuilding. We saw the Musician's Village and also the homes being built by Brad Pitt's organization.

Also got to see one of the many above ground cemeteries NOLA is famous for. Hunter said it creeped him out a little. I was sorry to see so many young people in and around the French Quarter who seem to be homeless. They weren't like the street performers. They just sat alone on street corners or atop the levees in small groups. Sad, but there has always been that kind of undercurrent in the city.

Other than the bus tour, we just walked and ate and walked and ate. I might have missed the half marathon, but I think we pretty much walked at least 15 miles during the weekend. While we stopped to see one of the many bands playing in the streets of the French Quarter, I was overwhelmed by how much I love it there. This trip only cemented my belief that this is truly one of the greatest American cities and it deserves all efforts that have been made and will continue to be made to restore it.

Halloween weekend

Not doing much this weekend. Taking care of some yard work since it's in the 70's. Planting spring bulbs and dividing plants, etc. I'm an October baby and I love Halloween. I used to go Trick or Treating with my godson and his sister every year until they got too old. I miss it. We don't get any Trick or Treaters since we live kind of out of the way. So we'll do steaks on the grill and have a quiet night in.

Been enjoying Halloween TV programming. Saw Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" last night. Forgot how much I enjoy that. Caught last part of "Interview With a Vampire" also. Apropos for heading off to New Orleans this week. "Shaun of the Dead" is on now. It's a new favorite. I don't like gory stuff, just spooky and suspenseful. Wish I could find "American Werewolf in London" or "Ghostbusters" then my weekend would be complete. Happy Halloween!

A truly inspiring celebrity adoption

You never know where you'll find hope and inspiration. I try not to obsess about our future adoption, but some days I can't stop myself. So today found me looking at the forums on adoption.com for the millionth time. Every once and a while I find a golden nugget of information that helps me hang on and today was one of those days. Here it is..



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nia-vardalos/the-list_b_161241.html



I knew Nia Vardalos (of "My Big, Fat Greek Wedding" fame) was featured in Adoptive Families magazine this month. I just subscribed, so I haven't gotten my first issue yet. The link in the forum was the first opportunity I have had to learn her adoption story. I'm just really thankful to her for sharing it. God Bless her. She had the chance to do the Hollywood Adoption fast track and refused. Instead, she mucked her way through the maze that is Domestic Adoption and waited for her daughter like the rest of us. Now she is working to raise public awareness about Domestic Adoptions and to correct any misconceptions people might have. No big fanfare. No "Entertainment Tonight" PR. Just letting her actions speak volumes about her character.

And, I have to say, just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about adoption, I learned a few new things through reading about her experience.

Thank you, Nia!

Open Adoption Round Table #8

The Open Adoption Round Table is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table.

Publish your response during the next two weeks--linking back here so we can all find one other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

One common thread running through the last batch of round table posts was that, even though balancing privacy concerns can be challenging, we keep blogging about adoption because the connections we make are worth the challenges.Blogging at its best is a conversation. An interaction between writers and readers who comment or even just mull over a post long after reading it. A paper journal gives you privacy, but it can never challenge your ideas or give you insight into another perspective. It never offers support in a difficult moment.

Blogging--or rather, the people reading and writing those blogs--can.There are people inside my computer--strangers--whose words have made a difference in my family's adoptions. That probably sounds nutty to those outside the blog world, but it's true. And I bet the same is true for many of you. In this round, I thought it would be interesting to recognize some of those people. Because I bet a lot of those folks don't even realize the effect they've had on us.Write about a blogger (or bloggers) who influenced your real-life open adoption, and how. It might be someone who became an offline friend who supports and challenges you. Or a writer who makes you uncomfortable, but gets you thinking. Maybe a blogger who doesn't even know you are reading. Tell us about them and how they've affected you.

*********************************************************

I have read the discussions at OART a few times, but have never participated. This one made me want to because I was just thinking of posting about this subject the other day. I began blogging at my social worker's suggestion. She sent me a couple of blog addresses and I started reading. And reading and reading. Hey, I'm playing the waiting game right now so I got a lot of time on my hands.

The first blog I ever read this summer was http://rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/. At the time she was preparing to go to her child's birth mother's hometown in anticipation of his birth. I am always amazed at how eloquent she is no matter what the subject. And I was a little shocked at first to read just how open her relationship is with her son's birth mother. Definitely an eye opener.

I also enjoy reading this http://infertilitylicks.blogspot.com/. She has a young daughter through adoption. I always enjoy her posts. I like her perspective on issues adoptive parents face. Her posts always make me think and I really smile when she posts something humorous. I like her style.

After reading the forums at http://www.adoption.com/ one day, I came across this http://amstel-life.blogspot.com/. It was then I realized I needed to learn more about what birth mothers go through. Like I said, I was thinking about writing about how certain blogs had influenced me over the last few months. I have to say that hers is the one that really opened my eyes to open adoption. My husband and I were required to tell the agency just how open we were prepared to be in our adoption. We were pretty conservative and I think we said we were fine with pictures and updates at intervals to be decided between both sides. It was through Amy's post that I really began to understand the feelings of loss that birth mothers go through. It has me currently rethinking how open we should be in our adoption.

And as I wrote just yesterday, I have come to love this one http://999reasonstolaughatinfertility.blogspot.com/.

These are the ones that pretty much got me off and running in blogger world, but there are plenty of others that I read and am still discovering. I'm even branching out and reading blogs outside of the subject of adoption. Again, I'm waiting. Lots and lots of time... Hat's off to all! I'm so thankful for all of you out there who are blogging and sharing.

Laughter at last

I started reading this blog recently-

http://999reasonstolaughatinfertility.blogspot.com/

Don't know if it was around 3 years ago when we were going through IF, but it sure would have helped to have a few laughs during that time. I look back now, and I realize what a dark time it was. We were living life, but not really. We were was just going through the motions of life, doing whatever the doctors told us to do and obsessing on the Internet for any nugget of information that would help us finally achieve that BFP.

Even after we decided to stop all medical treatments, I still obsessed about charting my cycle and we continued to hope by some miracle it would happen. By then I was also ready to get started with an adoption. But, like most couples, my husband was less sure. Even though we talked about it and even had fights about it, he could never really tell me why.

That was a really lonely time for me. I think it was worse than the fertility treatments. It was just this long stretch of uncertainty. At least with the IVF cycles I knew that there would either be one of two endings. But I was just in this horrible limbo land. I hadn't discovered blogs and such. And although friends and family could feel sorry for me, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. Anytime the subject came up between my husband and I it usually lead to me crying and us getting nowhere. I had this constant feeling of being a hamster on a wheel that I just couldn't make anybody else understand and I thought it would make me insane.

When I discovered the 999 Reasons blog, I swear I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the chair. I don't know if I would have laughed quite that hard if I had found something like it 3 years ago. But I think it is a good sign that I can now.

Sad news

Yesterday was my birthday. It was lovely, despite the rainy weather. We had planned to run a 5K race. But it was pouring rain when we woke up at 5:30am and we decided not to go since we knew we had to haul two pickup loads of firewood to my old school for their annual Oyster Roast. We went back to sleep and Hubby made me breakfast in bed. Later in the afternoon, we hauled the wood over to my old school. The event went great despite the drizzle of rain. We came home and I hit the sack.

After a nap I decided to get on Facebook, only to find out that a young woman that I know had lost her fight with Leukemia. She wasn't someone I knew intimately, but she was someone who had touched many lives of the people around me. She only found out she had cancer a few months ago and from what I understand, she put up an heroic fight. I'm so sorry for her children, her family and her friends. I'm not an overly religious person, but I do thank God for giving me one more day. God Bless Marie and her family.

Progress?

I finally touched base with our new social worker. I emailed her to say hello and check if there were any updates. I had decided to do this once a month and asked her if that was ok. Her response was very encouraging and warm. She said to email or call anytime and that once a month was more than reasonable. She said they were still a bit slow. They had one baby in care who would be returned to his mother this week. She also said they had contact with a few pregnant women, but none of them were due any time soon. Sounds a bit better than the last update. She seems very nice, and that put my mind at ease a bit.

Still keeping busy. We are running a 5K on my birthday this month. It is also the time of year for oyster roasts-always a good time. And New Orleans is right around the corner. I got laughing at myself today. I'm trying to figure out how best to spend our free time there. I keep saying, "Well we gotta eat here. And don't forget about the food at such-n-such". There's a saying in New Orleans.

"Most places people eat to live, in New Orleans, people live to eat."

It's so true and I can't wait.

Waiting...

I've been reviewing my blog entries lately, and it seems I've really gotten off subject. But I just don't know if I've got it in me to blog about adoption (or the waiting) everyday. That's where we are in this process-waiting. The last two times I have been in contact with the agency, the news was the same (and pretty blunt). They haven't had any birth moms calling for placement.

My co-worker asks every couple of weeks if we've heard anything from the agency. Well, we got a letter from the agency today. So I guess that's something to blog about. But, not really. It's just a letter from our new social worker introducing herself. Just a tiny blip on the radar.

So, back to waiting...

Homecoming Day

What a great day. Spending time with family and seeing a Navy homecoming. Welcome home to the Sailors of the USS Bainbridge (including my cousin Ray)

Heroes

So excited about tomorrow. I am headed to Norfolk to welcome home my cousin, Ray. He has been on deployment for the last 6 months on the USS Bainbridge. I don't know where he's been. But I know he and his fellow sailors were in the Indian Ocean around Easter. It was their ship that led the rescue of Capt. Richard Phillips during the stand down with Somali pirates last April. His Mom & Dad are flying in from Louisiana and another Uncle is driving down from the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Mom and I will head out bright and early tomorrow. I have never experienced a Navy ship homecoming. My brother was in the Navy, but he was stationed out in San Diego. Can't wait to see the Bainbridge and my cuz!

I've got the ways and means to New Orleans...

Well, it's done. We've booked the tickets. Come November, we'll be off. I have had a smile on my face all week. The weekend itinerary is falling into place. Not so depressed now...

Summer's done. What to do now?

I have been a bit short sighted on "the wait". I had lined up a few projects for the Summer like running the 5K and planning our vacation. Well, all that is done now and I have Fall and Winter to get through.

I have discovered that I am happiest when I have a project or a puzzle to solve. When I worked as a Travel Agent that muscle was worked everyday. I loved nothing better than putting together the pieces of someone's vacation or business trip. But the travel business grew unstable and now I work in a more sensible profession-Heating and Air Conditioning. Oh joy. So I usually spend a lot of time (probably too much) working on our yearly trip. Well, we're done with that and now I need to find something else to do with my free time.

I was really down after getting home this weekend. What was I gonna do now? Train for the half marathon? Obsess about Christmas gifts? Then I saw some sorority sisters talking online about our reunion this fall. I had decided against going to it last Spring. But now, I wanna go so bad!

So I've started the task I love so much. Making travel plans. New Orleans here I come.

Goodnight Moon

Wound up being a pretty day. Got a good beach day finally. Haven't seen much of the sun all week and now we have to pack up to leave tomorrow. But right now I am sitting on the deck watching the full moon rise. It's shining so bright that I can see the ocean and people on the beach searching for fiddler crabs. It's got one of those cool rings around it. My dad could tell me what that means for the weather tomorrow. There are crickets chirping. The breeze is mild and a little cool. And then there is the sound of the ocean. Perfect ending to a not so perfect week.

Flying Kites

The weather is always unpredictable in the Outer Banks. The wind has been blowing about 20 mph since Monday and swimming is prohibited. So instead of subathing, we flew kites. Thanks Orville and Wilbur!

Here's what my "Summer Vacation" looks like so far. We had beautiful weather coming down here on Saturday. Sunday was a gorgeous day. We spent all day at the beach. On Monday the clouds settled in. It rained all day until my parents got here. The rain cleared off that afternoon. But somebody forgot to tell the wind to kiss off. This is a picture of me at Pea Island not far from Rodanthe. The wind was about 20mph from the northeast. The waves at Kill Devil Hills are at least six feet high.

Katrina

In all the rush to get to the beach I nearly forgot that today is the 4th anniversary for Hurricane Katrina. Growing up on the east coast I learned to have a healthy respect for hurricanes and nor'easters. I have also always had strong ties to southern Louisiana. Many family members, including my Dad, have worked on fish boats in the Gulf of Mexico. When I was a kid in the 70's I remember the adults saying that one day there would be a storm that would take out either New Orleans, Houma or Morgan City (the latter two cities were home to fish factories).

Later, I attended college in New Orleans. During my first week there was a hurricane brewing in the Gulf. Before I learned anything else in college I learned how to prepare for a hurricane. It has stuck with me through the years. I always fuel up the car, get cash, stockpile water, canned goods and batteries. Usually it winds up being nothing. But I always prepare. Good thing. In Virginia we got hit in 2003 by Hurricane Isabelle and in 2006 by Topical Depression Ernesto. Most people were out of power for days or even weeks. It was inconvenient, but it was nothing like Katrina.

I woke up the day before it hit and looked at the weather forecast. I started crying. I just knew this was "the storm". I was on pins and needles all day Monday at work. Ran home to watch the news. I remember seeing Shepard Smith for the first time. He was in the French Quarter. He looked relieved the storm had passed, but he still looked like the danger was not gone. The next day, of course, the levees broke and it is all now history. I stayed glued to the TV. Even when we went on vacation the following week, I kept watching.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here. It's late. I've had some wine. Some people seem to think the hurricane is no big deal now. But I will never forget.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Danny is cooperating and will be gone by the time we get to the OBX. We have spent the evening packing up. We're planning to head out 9 a.m. tomorrow. We are worried about Kitty (aka Sassafras). Hunter's parents come to check on the house everyday and feed her. We are such dorks. We call and leave her silly messages on the answering machine while we are away. She is our cat-child. It is the only hard thing about going on vacation. This time tomorrow, I'll be sitting on the balcony listening to the surf at Kill Devil Hills. Ahhhh!

Vacation Interuptus?

There is a lot involved when you rent a beach house rather than choosing a hotel for your vacation. I wind up making lots of lists because I'm so paranoid we're going to forget something important.

Sheets and towels? check
Umbrella and chairs? check
Soap, TP and Paper towels? check

Tropical Storm? check

Wait, I didn't order that. But, never the less, TS Danny is out there and tropical storms keep recurring on our vacations. I'd like to speak to someone about this, please.

We usually plan our vacation near the end of August. The rates are lower. And for now, we don't have to worry about "back to school time". Last year my parents invited us to stay with them in a house in Lewes, DE. We spent the week before monitoring TS Hannah which was set to hit the East Coast (you guessed it) the day we were going to Delaware. On a good day the trip takes 5 hours. My mom and I decided we would leave at 5am and try to get out in front of the storm. We were scared they would close the Bay Bridge. We had awful wind and rain and heavy traffic. It was the worst 9 hours of my life. We could have flown to Europe in that time! Anyway, Hannah wound up breaking up and it was beautiful and sunny by the next morning.

We leave for the Outer Banks on Saturday. And since yesterday, I am monitoring yet another tropical storm. Danny is supposed to be off Cape Hatteras Friday night and then turn northeast and head for New England. Please let the weather forecasters be right.

Oh well, a rainy day at the beach is better than a sunny day at work, I always say.

Vacation, please hurry

It's been a stormy summer. We usually enjoy plenty of time in our boat on the river. But between summer storms and other engagements, we have barely been on the water. We had a nice afternoon last Sunday and are hoping for another tomorrow. Either way, we are headed to the Outer Banks of NC next Saturday and couldn't be more thrilled. We managed to snag a condo on the beach. Looking forward to our trip down. We always stop at Morris' Farm to stretch our legs and get some fresh produce. Then it's over the bridge and a week at the beach. If you've seen "Nights in Rodanthe", we won't be too far from there.

We live on a river, but nothing beats the beach. I've been going there since I was 11 years old. My aunts would take me and my cousins to spend a week on Roanoke Island back in the 70's. The campground is gone now. But a week there is never complete without going to the Christmas Shop in Manteo or seeing the "Lost Colony". Hunter had never been until we got married. Twice I have given him a choice of where ever or the Outer Banks. He chose the OBX both times. He's definitely a convert. I guess it just suits us.

The Sound of Silence

A co-worker said something to me today that I used to hear a lot years ago, but haven't heard in a long time. Amazingly, it still gets my goat.

"You're so quiet"

The person who said it is one of the nicest people you could meet. I don't believe for a minute he meant any offense. But it rubbed me wrong and brought up memories of others who have made the same comment to me in the past. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that comment in my life. Is there really something wrong with being quiet?

Mind you, I'm not a social outcast. I have always had plenty of friends. But there are people that I meet from time to time who apparently see me as some sort of pathetic little mouse of a woman. When they say, "you're so quiet" it's like it's a bad thing.

It's true, I probably would have made a good librarian. I am not the most outgoing person. I am an introspective person. I express myself better in writing than in speech (thus the blog). I am definitely not a "Chatty Cathy". But there are some folks out there who have thought I was quiet and who I have later gotten comfortable with, and they wish they could shut me up sometimes. So, I don't know why it has always bothered me to be labeled by some as "quiet".

Sometimes no news is good news?

I am starting to understand why so many people refer to the adoption process as a roller coaster ride.

I decided to contact the agency to find out if we had been assigned a new social worker and to ask a couple of other questions. One question was whether they would be in regular contact with us to update us on any happenings. Well now I wonder if I should have just left well enough alone. In response, I was told that they were still interviewing for the SW position and that person would become our new contact. Then was told that they thought they were going to be busy this summer because they had a lot of pregnant women making inquiries during the first part of the year. But that they weren't busy at all-exact words. The email went on to encourage us to keep networking and advocating for ourselves.

Now I know this is not as bad as some of the obstacles people have faced during adoption. But I can't stop hearing those words in my head. When our home study was completed in May, we were so excited and had prepared ourselves for the wait ahead. But now it's almost the end of summer and I'm feeling bummed. While I always feel like summer goes by too fast, I guess the silver lining would be that at least we have that many months behind us now.

One Lovely Blog Award

So nice of the blogger at A Stork Story: A Mommy-in-Waiting to mention me as one of the blogs she follows. Trying to remember where I first ran across her blog. I think our social worker at the agency recommended it. Anyhow, I would like to share the blogs that I enjoy reading. I also plan on checking out a few new ones.

All Boy!

Bring The Rain

Callahan Crew

confessions of a waiting mommy

Heart Cries

Infertility Licks!

Parenthood Path

More Than Dog Children

http://www.productionnotreproduction.com/

Enjoy and thanks for stopping by.

Support National Adoption Foundation on OneCause

Support National Adoption Foundation on OneCause

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I was born in a small town...

Seems like "Doc Hollywood" was on TVLand all weekend. Even though we were busy, I managed to catch bits and pieces. I hadn't seen it in awhile and had forgotten how much I like it. It's such a lovely depiction of life in a small Southern town. Corny and stereotypical at times, but it does strike an honest and emotional chord in me.

I grew up in a small town like that. Everybody knows everybody and their business. When I was a teenager I couldn't wait to get away. So I begged my parents to let me go to college in New Orleans-1000 miles away. I was homesick for a long time even though I wouldn't have admitted it at the time. It was the best experience of my life. When I moved back home I settled in Richmond and had 4 fantastic years there. But something was missing and I realized it was my family. I hated missing family events and just everyday encounters with friends and family.

I think that is the best part of the movie. The day to day interaction of the characters. As funny as Michael J. Fox walking a pig is, it is even funnier to see people passing him by and not thinking twice about it. "Nice looking pig, Doc." Too funny.

I don't regret giving up the "big city" for country living. With the advent of the Internet, nobody is too far away. I get to keep in touch with relatives and friends from all over. I actually get frustrated with the traffic when I do visit Richmond nowadays. I'm so thankful for those days in New Orleans and I miss it all the time. But home is home and to quote John "Cougar" Mellencamp, "It's probably where they'll bury me".

OMG!

I read a lovely blog the other day. It was by a woman who paid tribute to her husband in such an eloquent way. She basically said she had waited so long to find someone to share her life with that it had positive and negative effects on her life. She explained that when she got discouraged about their adoption wait, she would remind herself how long it took to find her mate and that it didn't matter now because he was worth the wait and so would their child.

They apparently met later in life as did my husband and I. I completely understood where she was coming from. I never thought it would happen and then I met Hunter. The wait to find a spouse was excruciating, even though I acted like it wasn't. I responded to her saying that I should tell my husband every day that he was so worth the wait.

And then he came home from work.

He works for an electric co-op. We had a terrible storm Sunday afternoon with a lot of power outages. This means that he basically works from sun up to sun down trying to get people's electricity back on. During this time the co-op provides its employees and visiting crews with breakfast, lunch and dinner. They treated all to a big steak dinner Wednesday night after they got all the power back on. Hunter kindly brought me some leftovers from that dinner.

Then he gets home Friday night. He is carrying an arm load of chips in snack bags like you would pack in a kids lunch. OK. The co-op was getting rid of what was left over. Fine. He then starts hauling in left over cokes and juice bottles. He keeps unloading the car. I swear he covered the kitchen table with all this stuff. The kicker was when he started pulling out fruit. Plums, Nectarines, etc. Then he pulled out, I swear, almost 2 dozen already ripe bananas. What????

"What are we gonna do with those?" I asked.

"I thought we could make banana pudding" he said.

"We", I have learned over the years means ME. I told him "We will not be making any pudding"

Mind you this was the night after he brought home 4 dozen ears of sweet corn from his parents for us to put away. I love sweet corn, but please. We spent 2 nights sawing it off the cob and vacuum packing that corn. Now he wants me to make banana pudding. WTF??

He drives me crazy. But he is my partner and I waited so long for him. I am not the most patient person in the world and at this age I am not the most flexible either. But he puts up with me. When he does crazy things like bringing home 2 dozen ripe bananas I have to remind myself...

He does his own laundry
He knows how to load/unload the dishwasher
He never makes me cut the grass
He faithfully changes the oil in my car
He always steals me a ham biscuit from the co-op board meetings
He gives me wonderful hugs and kisses every morning even though I am too grumpy to appreciate until later.

Sure he could help change the bed every once and a while and maybe he could learn to cook a few dishes. But he is who he is and I love him. He wants to be a dad so bad and he will be the best dad ever.

Love you, H-Bear.

Sad news

Got a letter from our agency yesterday. My heart skipped a beat at first. But I realized they would call if it was the big news. As I read, I realized it was a letter from our social worker advising us that she was leaving the agency. My heart just sank. Her orientation back in January was a big part of why we chose the Children's Home Society of Virginia. We were thrilled when we found out she would be handling our case. I know that I have made comments about how hard some of the home study stuff was, but she truly helped us find our way down a tricky path. She has been the epitome of professionalism combined with compassion.

My first reaction was selfish. My mind raced with negative thoughts. "How could she do this to us?" Hunter was equally saddened. She explained that her husband had been offered a job out west which they couldn't pass up. And while my head understands why a young couple would want to take advantage of a great opportunity, my heart just feels bad for us for losing the one person at the agency who knows us best. I have every faith the agency will provide us with an excellent replacement. But I feel like it won't be the same.

2 Dozen Deviled Eggs Later...

Another big weekend is over. And we did it! We were able to complete the 5K in about 43 minutes. Not in the front of the pack, but not last either. Learned a few lessons, like don't eat a power bar and drink water just before racing. Result is upset stomach. Had to walk a lot of the last mile, but finished the race running. Very happy with results despite not feeling so good. Now we're looking for a 10K to compete in this fall.

The rest of the weekend was a blast as usual. Hunter's parents and aunt and uncle joined us for the parade and the fireworks cruise. My brother, sister-in-law and their kids came down to visit. The kids enjoyed playing in the sprinkler with their cousin at my aunt's house which happens to be on the parade route. They were super excited about the parade. My neice is 3 and didn't quite grasp the concept of people throwing candy off the floats. She stood holding her bag open as the floats went by as though they would just throw the candy straight into her bag! She didn't realize she had to run and pick it off the ground. Then she started yelling to them to throw more candy. Too funny.

On Sunday we went to Aunt Jo's and for Show and Tell we decided to announce our decision to adopt and tell everybody what progress we had made so far. As Hunter put it, "This year we'll tell and next year, hopefully, we'll show". We had many family members approach us afterwards offering congratulations and asking questions. Everyone was so positive and encouraging. Some shared their own experiences with adoption. I even found out one of my cousins had been in the middle of applying for a Korean adoption when she found out she was pregnant 17 years ago. I had no idea. Some time ago, our social worker asked us how our immediate family felt about our decision to adopt. I told her that they wished we would hurry up already. It's nice to know we have even more support from our extended family, too.

So, another holiday weekend has ended. Now it's time to enjoy the rest of the summer. We finally have cucumbers and squash and sweet corn from the garden. The Fireman's Carnival will be opening at the end of the month. Next thing we know it'll be vacation time. Can't wait.

Don't forget the sunblock

One of the things we decided to do to help pass the waiting time after being approved for adoption is to train for a 5K race taking place this Saturday. Fourth of July weekend is always a busy one for us and this year I'm starting to think we are crazy to add running this race. We have had a hard time training because we couldn't find a reasonably flat route near our house. But last week we finally found one. The race is taking place in the town I grew up in so it will be funny to run with all these strangers in a place that is so familiar to me. I'll be running past the house I grew up in and past other houses where relatives once lived, past the grocery store I used to walk to, the church where I went to Vacation Bible School and the school I attended in grades 1 through 3.

My family along with my aunts and uncles and loads of cousins has always spent the 4th together. Over the years our family celebration has gone from a simple boat ride and picnic at the beach to the current weekend-long festivities. Saturday, we go fishing on my Uncle's charter boat followed by lunch on board. When we get back to the dock, we rush off to town to catch the "big parade". It's just local businesses sponsoring small floats and fire trucks blowing their sirens. But they throw candy to the kids and just about everybody I've ever known is there. So it is fun to catch up. We get a little rest before we head back out on the boat to watch the fireworks over the creek. We drag ourselves home afterwards only to get up the next day and go to my aunt's cottage for a picnic. The highlight of this get together is "Show and Tell". Everybody from the youngest to the oldest gets a chance to share a story or a favorite object. Then we have ice cream and cake and sing Happy Birthday. That way we all get to wish each other happy birthday even if we don't get to spend our individual birthdays together.

When it's all over with I'm exhausted and thinking I won't do as much the next year. But by the time it rolls around again, there I am. I wouldn't miss a moment. Now, we're adding a 5K race first thing Saturday morning. After training for weeks, we're as ready as we'll ever be. Hope we don't look like total losers!

It's Summer!

Friday Night Fun

We had a great time with friends last weekend. The local BBQ joint puts up a tent in the parking lot and has live music every Friday night. The weather was rainy, but the band kept on playing. We stayed dry under the big ole' tent.

Now that we are done with the home study process, we are trying to stay busy this summer. We are training for a 5K race that will take place on the Fourth of July. It is taking us about 47 minutes to complete the 3.1 miles. It was pretty hard getting started, but we get better with every run. We hope to be running double that amount by the end of the summer. Then we are going to train for the Outer Banks Half Marathon taking place in November.

Poor Hunter. With all the rain and cool weather, his garden isn't doing too well. We did have a good crop of strawberries which I used to make Strawberry-Jalapeno Pepper Jelly. Should have gone easy on the peppers though. Very hot!!

Finalized our vacations plans, finally. We had thought we might go to the mountains. But we decided to head to the beach in OBX. Found a nice little condo right on the beach. Looking forward to revisiting old haunts and trying some new experiences.

Through the Looking Glass

The home study process was a daunting experience. After a particularly long and detailed Q&A session with our SW, I complained to my husband, "I can't believe they get to ask you such deep, personal questions and then you get to pay them for the privilege". Tongue in cheek, of course. Our SW was very kind and patient throughout the whole process. I certainly never felt like I was being judged (maybe by myself, just a little?). I'm just not that great with opening up to a stranger. I wasn't even stressed out about the home visit. I'd rather clean the house than answer anymore of those questions.

She asked us a line of questions early on that had to do with how we would parent a child. What kind of discipline would we use? How would we deal with questions about adoption? And so on. I paused before answering the first one and finally said, "You know, we've concentrated so long on how to become parents, I don't think I have thought about how we would actually raise a child." Later I thought would anyone dare ask a pregnant woman that? Throughout our time of trying to get pregnant, I had denied myself the pleasure of looking at baby things in stores. Denied myself of planning a nursery. Denied myself of thinking what it would be like having a little one in the house. And now all of a sudden I'm supposed to articulate how I'm going to parent a child?


I guess I could have been offended at the time. But, I think that was the moment I went from dreaming of parenthood to realizing that I actually would become a parent. I could finally stop focusing on how to become a parent and concentrate on learning to be a good one. It was, as they say, like a giant weight lifted off me.

Looking back, I realize the whole home study process served not just as a way for the agency to decide if we were parent material, but also a time for us to look at ourselves and focus on what it will eventually mean to become parents. It was uncomfortable taking a look at ourselves, but in the end definitely worth the journey.

Infertility-The Great Equalizer?

"We had each other. Then we had you. Then we had everything"

That's from "Sex and the City". I fall apart every time I see Charlotte read that inscription her husband had engraved on a silver rattle from Tiffany's. I love that show. I started watching it before I met my husband. When I was a single, thirty-something and fancy free. The final season ran the summer we got married. We were so happy and hopeful for the future and knew that we wanted to have a child sooner rather than later since we were both over 35.

"Sex and the City" was always a great escape. I could watch those four fabulous women and live vicariously through their stories knowing I would never have a life anything like theirs. When I watched those episodes with Charlotte and her infertility heartache, I was sad for her. But I was in a new relationship and ready for marriage and a family. I knew that would never happen to us. Funny how infertility doesn't discriminate. You can be a Park Avenue lady or a simple middle class gal in the country. We all go through the same tests, the poking and prodding and the invasive procedures. When we came to the end of our infertility treatment rope, so to speak, I now look at those episodes and finally empathize with Charlotte. I never thought I could have anything in common with any of the characters on that show, but Charlotte's quest for the sound of tiny foot steps and her struggle with her friend's pregnancy are something I now feel I know more than I ever wished to know.

Our infertility story is no more remarkable than any other. But it was a lonely time. There was no one to speak to about it except for each other. Then we had a period of not knowing what to do next and we hardly spoke about "it" at all except to argue and cry. We couldn't agree how to go on. More fertility treatments or adoption? I finally decided I had to put it all from my mind. I decided, if it was to be, it would be. We finally decided to look into domestic adoption and attended yet another orientation only to be told we were to old for their domestic program. Exasperated, I told my husband it seemed like we constantly had doors slam shut in our faces. He patiently and emphatically said, "We'll find a door".

And so now, we are on the road to adoption. Everyone we share the news with is so ecstatic for us. And a little impatient. "How long will it take?", Have you heard anything yet?" is what we hear now. Amazingly, I have reached a point where I am not crazed. I feel almost serene, just knowing we are on our way. Hope has replaced restlessness. I don't stop myself from looking in the baby department of stores. We are keeping busy and enjoying doing things together that we probably won't have time for when finally meet our child.

We know you are out there, little one. And then two will become three. And then we will have everything.