I couldn't make up this story even if I tried...

Today we spoke to the Texas adoption agency. It was a call I had been dreading. But it was ok. While we won't get back any of the money that went towards the birth mother's living expenses, we will receive a partial refund on the agency's fee. The social worker asked us to consider staying on with them to find another match and we said we would definitely think about it. We feel the agency did a very good job and I would recommend them to anyone looking for an agency in Texas.

So we decided to have lunch together and we talked about how it all went. We also talked about what to do when our home study expires in May. We have mixed feelings about our agency in Virginia and we discussed our options. So many decisions and it is so hard to know what to do.

Later in the afternoon, my cell phone rang. It was a call from our Virginia adoption agency. I quickly answered it, thinking "what on earth is this all about?" It  was the child placing supervisor and she wanted to know if I had a few minutes to talk. Well, of course.

She told me she had been working with a birth mother for a couple of weeks and this young woman wants to meet us! My exact response was, "you gotta be kidding me, right?" But no, she was not kidding. We will be meeting her in Richmond next Monday. I was shaking like I don't know what. I called Hunter to tell him. I couldn't get the words out. My voice was so high I think only dogs could understand me. But I finally got the words out. "A BIRTH MOTHER WANTS TO MEET US!"

And then, after I settled back down to work, my phone rang again and it was from the Texas agency! She wanted to know if we would like to be considered for a birth mother she was going to meet this afternoon. UNREAL.

Somebody at the office said I should buy a lottery ticket tonight. *Sighs* If only I was the gambling kind.

More news later, hopefully...

Back in the Saddle

Enough whining and moaning. It's time to get back to business. We have pretty much lived in an adoption-free zone for the last several weeks. Every once and a while I am asked if we have heard any news. Well, no. No, we haven't. It's just so hard to start all over again.

But, it is what we must do. I finally emailed the social worker we were working with on the now failed match. Hunter and I plan to call her Monday and find out where we stand financially. Our adoption budget took a hit. We are not sure what, if any, of the money we will get back. I'm dreading this conversation.

So, we have to go back and figure out an adoption strategy. We will have to let folks know that we still want to be parents. More networking. It's getting hard to get motivated. Our home study will expire in May. So we have to think about that too. Isn't this a horrible way to have to go about becoming a parent? That sounds terrible, I know. I meant to be positive. But sometimes, it's just too hard.

One Month Later...

For anyone who reads this little ol' blog, you know 2011 hasn't showed me much so far. We started the year the way you are supposed to - full of hope and anticipation. And then we found out one month ago that we would not be bringing home baby in April. My state of mind during this last month is hard to explain. I guess it's a bit like driving off a cliff. There you are driving along happy as can be. And suddenly, there's no road left and you're falling.

I sort of don't know what to do with myself. I had everything planned out in my head to take us through until it was time to go to Alabama. And now, nothing.

But, I have to say, thank God for friends. I know it's hard for those who were excited for us. They don't really know what to say. It's awkward for them, I'm sure. But, I truly am thankful for friends.

One friend in particular has treated me with the best medicine in the world for a broken heart. Laughter. She and I recently exchanged a few emails reminiscing about some hilarious times we had back in the day when we used to work together. She reminded me how much we used to laugh together. We live hours away from each other now. I'm so glad we are still able to communicate through the Internet.

So, thank you, dear Friend. You know who you are. I'm sending some laughs your way...

Kathleen Madigan on Facebook and Egypt

"Groundhog Day" again

I wrote a post last year about Groundhog Day. I was talking about snowstorms and how frequently we seemed to be getting them this time last year. We've been luckier this year. It's been bitterly cold but not as much snow. As a matter of fact it was 60 beautiful degrees today.

But a Facebook post I saw today pointed out that because of the movie of the same name, "Groundhog Day" has come to describe a day that you sort of live over and over. It occurred to me that for people dealing with infertility and eventually the adoption process, everyday sort of feels like "Groundhog Day".

When we were trying to get pregnant, it was a monthly roller coaster. After each cycle with no pregnancy, it became exhausting to start over. Back then I used to say it was like being a hamster on a wheel. You keep going and going, but you never get anywhere.

Now that we have moved on to adoption it's a bit different. It's a day to day existence. You don't plan for ovulation, etc. You just hope that today you might hear something, anything. You just get up everyday hoping that the waiting period for a match will end. Hoping that the deja vu of your daily life without a child will end.

We have been fairly lucky so far. Although we have had 2 failed matches, we have learned from both. Just like Bill Murray in the movie, we wake up every morning hearing Sonny and Cher and go about our day hoping for something, anything different to happen. One day it will.