Come Monday, it'll be alright

I've been thinking the last few days about how things seem to happen so randomly in our adoption journey. And about how emotions can be affected by the slightest things. It all seems to happen for no reason. But then, I get some distance from an event and suddenly I see that maybe these things aren't all that random.

Two weekends ago, I was having a lovely Saturday. I was debating whether to finally put the boxes of Christmas decorations away and dismantle the tree. Although I had taken the ornaments off the tree soon after Twelth Night, I had waited a few days before taking down the tree. Then we got the call from the birth mother and after that I really didn't care about the tree or the boxes of decorations cluttering up the living room. As I stood there, I had the thought of "What the heck". Why don't I just decorate it with Mardi Gras beads and leave it up until Fat Tuesday?

With this in mind, I went to the front hall closet to look for the beads. Bad idea. That's where I had stored the few baby things that I and others had bought for the baby we would never bring home. One thing was the diaper bag I bought last summer and filled with diapers and other things we would need should we ever get a last minute call to meet a birth mother in the hospital. I had been keeping it in our bathroom closet intending to keep filling it with the items we would eventually need. But on January 13th I snatched it and all the other baby items in the house, including a Tigger costume I bought on impulse for the baby to wear for Halloween this year, and with tears in my eyes I shoved them all into the hall closet.

I had forgotten they were there. So there I was staring at them all again. I blinked a few times and then decided. I could either break down and cry or I could face it head on. I chose the latter. I snatched the diaper bag out of the closet along with a baby book someone had given us. It is a baby book that you can record baby's milestones and it also includes some Bible stories and songs. I held the bag and the book tightly and I prayed.

I prayed to God that the birth mother and her baby in Alabama were doing well. I prayed that someone would look out for them and keep them safe. I thanked God for putting forgiveness in my heart. For I truly wish them both the best. Then I asked him for patience. I knew then that I must resolve to wait and trust God and I told him that was what I would do. Then I put the diaper bag along with the baby book back in the bathroom closet where I now see it every day. Ever since then, I could feel my heart starting to heal.

I still have bad days. I was feeling pretty low last weekend. I never did find the Mardi Gras beads, so we just went ahead and put the Christmas stuff back in the attic. Hunter wanted to work on completing the last of the flooring in our basement. But, I thought, what's the point? The weight of the knowledge of how much further we were going to have to climb towards an adoption was heavy on my mind. What was the point of it all? I went back to work on Monday dreading the day knowing that we had to finally talk to the Texas adoption agency about our failed placement. As I said in the last post, that turned out just fine and the day got a little better.

Of course, little did I know what was in store for me that afternoon. When I saw that our Virginia agency was calling, I wish I could say what the social worker said to me was a suprise. But I knew what she would say before we even started talking. It was such a strange feeling, yet it felt perfectly natural. Almost like I was expecting it. I wonder where that feeling came from? But I think I know the answer to that question.

I have no idea what to expect on Monday when we go to meet this birth mother in Richmond. The waiting is making me crazy. But I know it is what is required of me. "Good things come to those who wait" That is your positive thought for today. Pay it forward!