Thursday, October 22, 2009

Laughter at last

I started reading this blog recently-

http://999reasonstolaughatinfertility.blogspot.com/

Don't know if it was around 3 years ago when we were going through IF, but it sure would have helped to have a few laughs during that time. I look back now, and I realize what a dark time it was. We were living life, but not really. We were was just going through the motions of life, doing whatever the doctors told us to do and obsessing on the Internet for any nugget of information that would help us finally achieve that BFP.

Even after we decided to stop all medical treatments, I still obsessed about charting my cycle and we continued to hope by some miracle it would happen. By then I was also ready to get started with an adoption. But, like most couples, my husband was less sure. Even though we talked about it and even had fights about it, he could never really tell me why.

That was a really lonely time for me. I think it was worse than the fertility treatments. It was just this long stretch of uncertainty. At least with the IVF cycles I knew that there would either be one of two endings. But I was just in this horrible limbo land. I hadn't discovered blogs and such. And although friends and family could feel sorry for me, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. Anytime the subject came up between my husband and I it usually lead to me crying and us getting nowhere. I had this constant feeling of being a hamster on a wheel that I just couldn't make anybody else understand and I thought it would make me insane.

When I discovered the 999 Reasons blog, I swear I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the chair. I don't know if I would have laughed quite that hard if I had found something like it 3 years ago. But I think it is a good sign that I can now.

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