The home study process was a daunting experience. After a particularly long and detailed Q&A session with our SW, I complained to my husband, "I can't believe they get to ask you such deep, personal questions and then you get to pay them for the privilege". Tongue in cheek, of course. Our SW was very kind and patient throughout the whole process. I certainly never felt like I was being judged (maybe by myself, just a little?). I'm just not that great with opening up to a stranger. I wasn't even stressed out about the home visit. I'd rather clean the house than answer anymore of those questions.
She asked us a line of questions early on that had to do with how we would parent a child. What kind of discipline would we use? How would we deal with questions about adoption? And so on. I paused before answering the first one and finally said, "You know, we've concentrated so long on how to become parents, I don't think I have thought about how we would actually raise a child." Later I thought would anyone dare ask a pregnant woman that? Throughout our time of trying to get pregnant, I had denied myself the pleasure of looking at baby things in stores. Denied myself of planning a nursery. Denied myself of thinking what it would be like having a little one in the house. And now all of a sudden I'm supposed to articulate how I'm going to parent a child?
I guess I could have been offended at the time. But, I think that was the moment I went from dreaming of parenthood to realizing that I actually would become a parent. I could finally stop focusing on how to become a parent and concentrate on learning to be a good one. It was, as they say, like a giant weight lifted off me.
Looking back, I realize the whole home study process served not just as a way for the agency to decide if we were parent material, but also a time for us to look at ourselves and focus on what it will eventually mean to become parents. It was uncomfortable taking a look at ourselves, but in the end definitely worth the journey.
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