Our Journey Continues

I returned from work on Thursday evening to receive the message that we had dreaded to hear. Baby's Birth mother called us to explain that she had decided to not to go ahead with the adoption.

I wish I could say this was a shock out of the blue. But, we had an email from the social worker on Wednesday. She advised us that baby's birth mother had called her to say she was switching medical practices because she was unhappy with her current care. The social worker told us that the staff at the medical practice advised that baby's birth mother was not only in non-compliance with her medical care, but she had stated to staff that she was not going to place her child for adoption.

We spent an uncomfortable 24 hours as the social worker tried to get to the bottom of the situation. Hunter and I both believed that she was just stressed out and maybe had butted heads with the medical staff. But Thursday evening I got home to listen to a two very long messages from baby's birth mother explaining why she had decided to not go through with the adoption.

I could go on and on explaining this young woman's situation. But it is best to let it be. She has very good reasons to parent her child and I support her although it causes me much pain. She could have continued to receive our support payments until April and then told us that she changed her mind. She could have also easily been done with us by saying so to the social worker. Yet she called our home and left a very heartfelt message explaining her change of heart. I feel no resentment toward this young woman. She has been through so much.

So now we are left to pick up the pieces. Friday was a bad day. I could not even go to work and Hunter stayed home too. I finally decided I had to get out on my own today. While in the car I happened to hear this song exactly 3 times on 3 different stations.



This is one of my very favorite songs of all time. The first time it came on I smiled and then I cried uncontrollably. The second time it came on, I smiled and then I cried at the middle part where they say "pull up your head off the floor and come out screaming" It matched all that I was feeling. The third time I heard the song today I just said, "OK, God, I hear you!" He is obviously sending me a message. "Just because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded". I believe everything in this journey happens for a reason. I know we are not done. I may not know what our path is meant to be today. But I trust that I will someday.