Oh, Boy! Just as I have been preparing to get through the holidays, today I received a baby shower invitation. I've been lucky. I think this is the first baby shower invitation I have gotten since before we got married six years ago. Most of my girlfriends had their babies before I was married. During our first year of marriage, my brother and sister-in-law started their family and I happily gave my sister-in-law a baby shower. It was a year later that we realized getting pregnant was going to be a problem for us. During the time that we sought fertility treatments and failed, I had to smile and fight mixed emotions whenever family members would announce their second and third pregnancies. Every single child born since then has been a blessing. But it was hard to watch others add to their familes when we had little hope.
Anyway. Enough with the pity party. Only positive thoughts from now on. The shower is for my young cousin and his wife. They were blessed with twin girls this past weekend. It will be a great time. I am ready for it. Besides, it's a great excuse to shop for baby things!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Find My Family-ABC
I was hesitant to watch this new show on ABC, but decided to try it once. We are still waiting and I didn't know if the producers would be fair in their depiction of all sides of the adoption process. I had read on another blog that the adoptive parents stories might not be honored and that the reunions would be sensationalized like a soap opera.
I have to say I thought it was quite good. The two presenters are both adoptees and they were very calm and encouraging to all sides involved. The couple featured last night were high school sweethearts and became pregnant at 16. They explained how they made the decision to place the child with an adoptive family. They went on to get married a few years later and are still together raising three more children. The adoptee and her family were approached in a respectful manner and their story was given equal weight within the episode. They didn't seem to be pressured in any way. And ultimately in last night's episode, I was struck by how loving the reunion was. The adoptee's birth siblings were so adorable. They were obviously thrilled to meet their sister.
The whole meeting under the "family tree" thing is pretty cheesy and the announcer kind of over does it with his voice overs announcing the next segment. But it tugged at all the heart strings, while actually educating the viewer about the adoption process. I'll be happy to watch again. I think there is something to be learned in watching these stories unfold.
I have to say I thought it was quite good. The two presenters are both adoptees and they were very calm and encouraging to all sides involved. The couple featured last night were high school sweethearts and became pregnant at 16. They explained how they made the decision to place the child with an adoptive family. They went on to get married a few years later and are still together raising three more children. The adoptee and her family were approached in a respectful manner and their story was given equal weight within the episode. They didn't seem to be pressured in any way. And ultimately in last night's episode, I was struck by how loving the reunion was. The adoptee's birth siblings were so adorable. They were obviously thrilled to meet their sister.
The whole meeting under the "family tree" thing is pretty cheesy and the announcer kind of over does it with his voice overs announcing the next segment. But it tugged at all the heart strings, while actually educating the viewer about the adoption process. I'll be happy to watch again. I think there is something to be learned in watching these stories unfold.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Bracing for the Holidays
Thank goodness it's a short work week. I wound up being pretty busy this weekend (and still didn't get everything done). My brother and nephew called Saturday morning to say they were coming for a visit. So we spent the afternoon with them. My nephew is such a clown when he has an audience.
We found out what he wanted for Christmas. All he would say is "Bat Cave". So Mom and I headed to the toy store Sunday. She wanted to get some holiday shopping done before they go on a 12 day cruise next Monday. I went along as driver. I'm not ready for shopping yet.
I have been dreading the whole holiday season and now it's here. The last three years were awful. I hated every commercial, every song on the radio, every stupid Christmas sweater I saw. I went through the motions. I sent out our cards and put up the tree. But I was just so angry inside and wanted it to all go away. Having my niece and nephew to buy for and watch open presents helped, but not enough.
We hadn't pursued any IF treatments since the summer of 2006, but we hadn't moved forward to adoption either. I tried to put it all from my mind because it just made me so angry. We could not decide what to do next. Just two years of limbo land.
Then last December, my mother called out of the blue and asked if we wanted to adopt a baby. What?? I thought she was joking or just being cruel. But no, she is an ER nurse and one of her co-workers knew of a young woman who was pregnant and not sure what to do. It had gotten through the hospital grapevine that we might possibly be interested in adoption. Hunter and I hadn't talked about adoption since the previous February. So I decided it was now or never and brought up the subject with this information. I could finally see it in his eyes. He was ready to adopt.
We didn't have a home study or an agency. I just knew it was fruitless to get involved in this situation. But I called one of the agencies we had encountered during our research. God bless the young woman who answered the phone and listened to me ramble on about our situation. Could we even have a chance with this baby if the mother decided on adoption, I asked. The answer was yes but we were not in the agency's service area. She gave me a number, I called. They gave me another number. I called. And finally I found an agency. I called my mother's co-worker that night and gave her all our contact numbers. I never heard anything else. But, later we went to the agency's info session and decided right there to go forward.
And now, nearly a year later, here we are. Waiting. But not nearly as bitter as the past few years. I am actually looking forward to decorating the house and listening to carols on the radio. I've even had my eye on one of those Christmas sweaters. I'm sure we'll get lots of questions about the adoption and I will happily say "We are waiting. Tell everyone you know!! And please pray for us".
We found out what he wanted for Christmas. All he would say is "Bat Cave". So Mom and I headed to the toy store Sunday. She wanted to get some holiday shopping done before they go on a 12 day cruise next Monday. I went along as driver. I'm not ready for shopping yet.
I have been dreading the whole holiday season and now it's here. The last three years were awful. I hated every commercial, every song on the radio, every stupid Christmas sweater I saw. I went through the motions. I sent out our cards and put up the tree. But I was just so angry inside and wanted it to all go away. Having my niece and nephew to buy for and watch open presents helped, but not enough.
We hadn't pursued any IF treatments since the summer of 2006, but we hadn't moved forward to adoption either. I tried to put it all from my mind because it just made me so angry. We could not decide what to do next. Just two years of limbo land.
Then last December, my mother called out of the blue and asked if we wanted to adopt a baby. What?? I thought she was joking or just being cruel. But no, she is an ER nurse and one of her co-workers knew of a young woman who was pregnant and not sure what to do. It had gotten through the hospital grapevine that we might possibly be interested in adoption. Hunter and I hadn't talked about adoption since the previous February. So I decided it was now or never and brought up the subject with this information. I could finally see it in his eyes. He was ready to adopt.
We didn't have a home study or an agency. I just knew it was fruitless to get involved in this situation. But I called one of the agencies we had encountered during our research. God bless the young woman who answered the phone and listened to me ramble on about our situation. Could we even have a chance with this baby if the mother decided on adoption, I asked. The answer was yes but we were not in the agency's service area. She gave me a number, I called. They gave me another number. I called. And finally I found an agency. I called my mother's co-worker that night and gave her all our contact numbers. I never heard anything else. But, later we went to the agency's info session and decided right there to go forward.
And now, nearly a year later, here we are. Waiting. But not nearly as bitter as the past few years. I am actually looking forward to decorating the house and listening to carols on the radio. I've even had my eye on one of those Christmas sweaters. I'm sure we'll get lots of questions about the adoption and I will happily say "We are waiting. Tell everyone you know!! And please pray for us".
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Networking
I made up a little web page for us using our "Dear Birth Mother" letter and some various pics of us. I emailed the link to everyone in my email contacts and ask those who felt comfortable to do the same. We have had quite a few visits in just a couple of days. Very encouraging. Maybe that's why I'm coaching myself to have only positive thoughts.
I have had a few emails from people who have been sent the link. They are very kind to take the time. I also discovered a new blog. It is written by a woman who is about my age and doesn't live terribly far from me which is a miracle since we don't live in the city. She asked through a mutual friend to be introduced to me on Facebook. It is so nice to finally know someone close by who has been down the infertility road and who has now moved onto adoption.
Her blog today brought sad news that another birth mother did not choose them to parent her child. But she ended on a positive note and it reminded me of our first encounter at our adoption agency.
The woman who is now the agency's CEO told her adoption story. She was working as a lawyer and occasionally would do a case for the agency. She and her husband were infertile and decided to contact the agency about becoming adoptive parents. They were chosen by by a young woman who eventually decided to parent her child. She said she was so devastated. She went through all the emotions and the "Why me" thoughts. Not too long after, the agency called and there was another birth mom and she picked them and it all worked out. She and her husband settled into family life and a few years later they got a call out of the blue that their daughter's birth mom was pregnant and asked if they would be willing to parent her sibling. Even though they were not looking to adopt again they decided they could not pass up this opportunity. And now they are a family of four. And she decided to go to work for the agency.
It was a great story and it is one that I think of from time to time to keep me going. We all say it, "There is a child out there for you". But I think it is hard to believe until it finally happens to you. People can say supportive things all day long, but it doesn't take away the pain of not being chosen for a child you had dearly yearned for. I haven't been through that yet so I don't know how I would react if it does happen to us. I would hope that I could turn it into a positive and say there was a reason for this to happen this way and our child will find us eventually.
I have had a few emails from people who have been sent the link. They are very kind to take the time. I also discovered a new blog. It is written by a woman who is about my age and doesn't live terribly far from me which is a miracle since we don't live in the city. She asked through a mutual friend to be introduced to me on Facebook. It is so nice to finally know someone close by who has been down the infertility road and who has now moved onto adoption.
Her blog today brought sad news that another birth mother did not choose them to parent her child. But she ended on a positive note and it reminded me of our first encounter at our adoption agency.
The woman who is now the agency's CEO told her adoption story. She was working as a lawyer and occasionally would do a case for the agency. She and her husband were infertile and decided to contact the agency about becoming adoptive parents. They were chosen by by a young woman who eventually decided to parent her child. She said she was so devastated. She went through all the emotions and the "Why me" thoughts. Not too long after, the agency called and there was another birth mom and she picked them and it all worked out. She and her husband settled into family life and a few years later they got a call out of the blue that their daughter's birth mom was pregnant and asked if they would be willing to parent her sibling. Even though they were not looking to adopt again they decided they could not pass up this opportunity. And now they are a family of four. And she decided to go to work for the agency.
It was a great story and it is one that I think of from time to time to keep me going. We all say it, "There is a child out there for you". But I think it is hard to believe until it finally happens to you. People can say supportive things all day long, but it doesn't take away the pain of not being chosen for a child you had dearly yearned for. I haven't been through that yet so I don't know how I would react if it does happen to us. I would hope that I could turn it into a positive and say there was a reason for this to happen this way and our child will find us eventually.
Monday, November 16, 2009
PMA
I can't believe I'm actually going to post this.
When I was in high school, I had a gym teacher who would annoyingly try to pump us up by telling us "Positive Mental Attitude" "PMA, people, PMA," he would shout while writing it on the blackboard. We all thought he was crazy and secretly rolled our eyes.
But, I have decided to take on this philosophy. No more negative thoughts. No more "Why Me?" or "When will it be our turn?". Only positive thoughts from now on. Dream it into action, if you will. I will envision a little one running around our house and it will happen. Positive. Positive. Positive.
When I was in high school, I had a gym teacher who would annoyingly try to pump us up by telling us "Positive Mental Attitude" "PMA, people, PMA," he would shout while writing it on the blackboard. We all thought he was crazy and secretly rolled our eyes.
But, I have decided to take on this philosophy. No more negative thoughts. No more "Why Me?" or "When will it be our turn?". Only positive thoughts from now on. Dream it into action, if you will. I will envision a little one running around our house and it will happen. Positive. Positive. Positive.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
New Orleans
We had a great time in New Orleans. Weather was great. Company was great. It was a busy weekend for the city. We didn't realize until we got there that the National DDay Museum was being rededicated as the National WWII Museum. Tom Hanks was in the city as well as Tom Brokaw and many WWII veterans. Also, the Saints are currently on a roll. So on Sunday the streets were filled with Saints jerseys with folks waiting for the game to begin at the Superdome.It was good to see so many people visiting the Big Easy. The Streetcars were packed going up and down St. Charles Avenue. Hunter and I walked around Loyola's campus with my former roommate. (I refuse to call her "old") It hasn't changed too much. There are a few more buildings, including a brand new library. Pity they got rid of the Wolf Pub in the basement of the Danna Center. Back in the day we could actually sit back and enjoy a beer on campus and if we got lucky fellow classmate Harry Connick, Jr. and his trio would play some tunes on stage. But hey, they do now have a Sushi Bar. The sorority reunion was, ah, interesting. I think everyone had a great time. I know I enjoyed letting my hair down with friends from my college days. I wish more of them could have been there.
We took a city tour by bus. Normally I would not have. But I wanted Hunter to see that New Orleans is about more than just the French Quarter. Our guide was great. She is a resident of the 8th Ward and had evacuated before Katrina. Those places hit hardest by the levee breaks are still in horrible shape. It's pretty much just abandoned homes or absolutely empty lots as far as you can see. There is some rebuilding. We saw the Musician's Village and also the homes being built by Brad Pitt's organization.
Also got to see one of the many above ground cemeteries NOLA is famous for. Hunter said it creeped him out a little. I was sorry to see so many young people in and around the French Quarter who seem to be homeless. They weren't like the street performers. They just sat alone on street corners or atop the levees in small groups. Sad, but there has alw
ays been that kind of undercurrent in the city.
ays been that kind of undercurrent in the city.Other than the bus tour, we just walked and ate and walked and ate. I might have missed the half marathon, but I think we pretty much walked at least 15 miles during the weekend. While we stopped to see one of the many bands playing in the streets of the French Quarter, I was overwhelmed by how much I love it there. This trip only cemented my belief that this is truly one of the greatest American cities and it deserves all efforts that have been made and will continue to be made to restore it.
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