Waiting 101

I recently saw a topic on Adoptive Families magazine's discussion board for families waiting to adopt. The poster of the topic wanted to hear from others about how they dealt with "The Wait". Our son is now 2 months old, but the difficulty of waiting for him is still very much fresh in my mind. My heart went out to that poster. I thought about writing a reply, but after reading the other 12 remarks, I realized they had all given great advice. So I thought I would talk a little about our time waiting to adopt.

We officially waited 21 months before we got the call from the agency. But in reality we waited much longer. We finished fertility treatments in July 2006. I was immediately ready to move on to adoption in my mind and my heart. Hunter took longer to decide. In the spring of 2007 we initially agreed to adopt from Guatemala. There was an urgency to get our application in ASAP since we knew that when the U.S. became compliant with the Hague convention in 2008 that would more than likely interrupt any Guatemalan adoptions after 2008. (And it has) But, on July 1, 2007 Hunter announced that he was not ready to go forward. I was devastated and furious.

Somehow I was able to let go of the anger and soon after I told Hunter that we could always decide to remain childless. From that day, I resolved to live life exactly that way-like a couple without children. I threw myself into living every day as a married couple. I realized that in our quest for a family, I had forgotten how to be a couple. I planned fun things to do together. Boating and kayaking in the summer. Trying new restaurants. We went on some terrific vacations together and planned weekend getaways. I purposely pushed all ideas about adoption out of my mind. I never once mentioned it to Hunter again. I stubbornly decided that he would have to be the one to initiate any talk of adoption. But even though I stopped talking about it and scouring the Internet for information about it, I never could completely stop thinking about it.

So, by the time the topic of adoption finally came up in early 2009, I had already waited two and a half years. When we finally started adoption proceedings, it was such a relief. Our home study was approved in May 2009. But after that brief period of activity, I was back in familiar territory, waiting.

I truly believe our adoption journey has happened just as it should have. Every road block and dead end was meant to happen. I believe this because, looking back now, I know that I learned from every experience in this journey-positive and negative alike. And just like after the Guatemalan experience, I knew what we had to do. We had to live our life together to the fullest. We continued as before, sharing new experiences and taking the time for each other. Now with a 2 month old at home and very little sleep, I am so thankful that we took that time together so seriously. And if ever asked for advice about adoption, I think that would be number one on my list.