Happy Anniversary

Hunter and I were married 8 years ago today. Normally, we would be having a romantic dinner for two about now. But, with our new addition we are grabbing bites of our take out Italian feast in between entertaining RJ and/or trying to keep him awake until bath time. And for whatever reason, Sassy Cat decided to bless us with her presence. So we made do eating at the coffee table and kitty obligingly cleaned our plates afterwards.

You will notice Hunter is shirtless. This summertime phenomenon in our house has been the one sticking point during our entire marriage. As a newly married couple, I decided a few things from the start. One was that we would sit down to dinner every night (with no TV). We actually lasted a couple of years of eating in the dining room. Then, I think, somewhere about the time of our fertility woes I said screw it and we started eating in the kitchen with the TV on.

But in those early days, I began to notice Hunter would come to dinner with no shirt. He would change into his "work" shorts to labor in the garden in the evenings. But he would not put on a shirt. So, gently one night - us being newlyweds after all - I explained to him that this was upsetting to me. I explained that no matter how hot it got in the summer, my father would not allow my brother to come to the dinner table shirtless. Hunter listened to me and then explained that it was the opposite in his house growing up. That he and his father always ate at the dinner table with no shirts.

I know it's silly to bring it up after 8 years. It's just one of those things that make a couple have to work on compromising. I still can't stand the shirtless thing, though. One of the nights before the baby was due to arrive, we had a bit of a hot spell. Hunter sat down to dinner with no shirt. I just looked at him and begged, "Can you please promise me you will not teach our son to come to the dinner table without a shirt on?" Hunter didn't say a word. He just got up and put his shirt on. I thought that was very sweet of him.

And then, a couple of weeks ago we all got up and had breakfast together. We all three sat at the kitchen table and I suddenly realized Hunter and the baby were both shirtless. ARRGGHHH! So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and I took this picture of Daddy and Son watching a little Sunday morning TV.

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to Hunter. Your vegetable garden might be smaller this year. But your little helper will only be growing bigger and bigger. I know you can't wait until he is big enough to help plant and pick beans. Here's to you Daddy!

Sassafras

Before I met Hunter and long before we became parents, I had Sassy cat. I call her my Millennium Kitty because I adopted her in 2000 after my previous cat, Nigel died unexpectedly. From the beginning, she was not an outgoing kitty. She would hide whenever people came over. But, amazingly, not when Hunter came into the picture. They were fast friends from the start. She had some trouble adjusting when we moved house after we got married, but things soon worked out and they were inseparable.

During our adoption wait, I always worried how she would respond to a baby in the house. She is not territorial, but she loves our attention. The first night we were home with RJ was a challenge. We had been away for over 24 hours and when we showed up, we had all kinds of family in tow. And after they left, the baby was still here. He screamed that first night at first and Sassy didn't know what to do. Slowly she got used to him and would even share my lap when I was feeding him.

Her normal routine is to sleep all day and go out through her pet door all night. But a couple of weeks ago she started acting peculiar. Try as we might, she would not come inside. It got to the point where she was losing weight because she was not eating or drinking any water. She would only come inside for a few minutes and run if the baby made any noise. The last week has been especially worrisome because of the extreme heat we have had here.

When temps were supposed to be 100+ yesterday, I convinced Hunter we needed to contain her in the house. I went outside to call her, but she was already at the door. I think she had had enough of the heat. We closed off her pet door and when we got home discovered that she had been in the basement all day. She stayed there until after dark and went back outside. I was less worried about her and let her go. This morning, she ran back through her cat door at 6:15am and stayed in all day!

It seems kitty has decided to enter into an Entente-Cordial with the baby for now. This is the closest she has come to the baby in about 3 weeks. I'm so relieved. I hated her being cut off from us. She is so much more relaxed now. Here's to one big happy family!

Waiting 101

I recently saw a topic on Adoptive Families magazine's discussion board for families waiting to adopt. The poster of the topic wanted to hear from others about how they dealt with "The Wait". Our son is now 2 months old, but the difficulty of waiting for him is still very much fresh in my mind. My heart went out to that poster. I thought about writing a reply, but after reading the other 12 remarks, I realized they had all given great advice. So I thought I would talk a little about our time waiting to adopt.

We officially waited 21 months before we got the call from the agency. But in reality we waited much longer. We finished fertility treatments in July 2006. I was immediately ready to move on to adoption in my mind and my heart. Hunter took longer to decide. In the spring of 2007 we initially agreed to adopt from Guatemala. There was an urgency to get our application in ASAP since we knew that when the U.S. became compliant with the Hague convention in 2008 that would more than likely interrupt any Guatemalan adoptions after 2008. (And it has) But, on July 1, 2007 Hunter announced that he was not ready to go forward. I was devastated and furious.

Somehow I was able to let go of the anger and soon after I told Hunter that we could always decide to remain childless. From that day, I resolved to live life exactly that way-like a couple without children. I threw myself into living every day as a married couple. I realized that in our quest for a family, I had forgotten how to be a couple. I planned fun things to do together. Boating and kayaking in the summer. Trying new restaurants. We went on some terrific vacations together and planned weekend getaways. I purposely pushed all ideas about adoption out of my mind. I never once mentioned it to Hunter again. I stubbornly decided that he would have to be the one to initiate any talk of adoption. But even though I stopped talking about it and scouring the Internet for information about it, I never could completely stop thinking about it.

So, by the time the topic of adoption finally came up in early 2009, I had already waited two and a half years. When we finally started adoption proceedings, it was such a relief. Our home study was approved in May 2009. But after that brief period of activity, I was back in familiar territory, waiting.

I truly believe our adoption journey has happened just as it should have. Every road block and dead end was meant to happen. I believe this because, looking back now, I know that I learned from every experience in this journey-positive and negative alike. And just like after the Guatemalan experience, I knew what we had to do. We had to live our life together to the fullest. We continued as before, sharing new experiences and taking the time for each other. Now with a 2 month old at home and very little sleep, I am so thankful that we took that time together so seriously. And if ever asked for advice about adoption, I think that would be number one on my list.