Adoption update

Even though Richard has been with us since birth, we could only start the legal part of adopting him last October. We did our part filling out the necessary paperwork from our agency and attorney. So we have just been waiting for all the red tape to be passed back and forth between the court, our agency/attorney and the state. We got an email from our social worker a couple of weeks ago saying that she just knew the final order of adoption would come through before his first birthday. Then around Richard's birthday the SW said she was going to check and see what was taking so long. Turns out the judge asked for something to be changed in the paperwork. Our attorney had already taken care of it and we are still waiting.

What this means is that Richard is still a ward of Children's Home Society and we are still his guardians/prospective adoptive parents. Once the final order of adoption is signed by the judge, we then have to apply for a new birth certificate and social security number for him. So it looks like we will be filing an extension on our tax return this year. But this is just a blip on the radar screen of our adoption journey. So, we are not too worried about it.

In the mean time, I saw this article about Mariska Hargitay who has adopted two children. In the article she says something Hunter and I heard several times during our adoption jouney, "Adoption is not for the faint of heart". Her description of her adoption journey really struck a chord in me. She and her husband went through a failed placement. While she acknowledges how painful the experience was, she also points out that it was the best thing for the birth parent and her child.

I think this attitude is the most important thing prospective adoptive parents have to realize. It is not about you. It is about finding the right home for the child. I know I was guilty of the "why me?" syndrome when we had infertility issues. It continued when we decided to adopt and when the waiting period dragged on and on. Then one day, it all clicked for me. The most important person in the adoption triad (birth parent, child, adoptive parent) is the child. This realization helped me redirect my frustrations about adopting into making sure I was living my life to the fullest and not just waiting for a child to come into our lives.

I'm so glad Mariska has shared her adoption experiences. She didn't have to. It's nobody's business. But, thankfully, like Nia Vardalos, she has chosen to use her celebrity to highlight just how fantastic adoption can be.

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month. Last year when I found out about National Adoption Month, it was when Nia Vardalos was spotlighted for adopting a young child and I was inspired by her story. Now, a year later, we are at the of beginning our own journey to adoption.

Last week was unlike anything I have ever imagined. There have been all kinds of well wishes on our making an adoption match. But there have been unexpected reactions too. Some folks are content just to say "Good Luck". But then there are others who get very carried away with asking questions. They want to know our birth mother's story and why she agreed to place her child for adoption. Or what about the birth father? Could he come and take the baby? Those are the tough questions. On the one hand, if it is a good friend asking, I'm torn. I know I can trust them, but should I?

Baby's birth mother has a right to privacy. Her story is not mine to tell. But her story will always be a part of Baby's story. You can see the dilemma. Thankfully, I understood the reasons behind the questions. In this case the questions came from those who have witnessed Hunter and I go through a lot of disappointments over the years. They just wanted to be sure we were making the best decision for our adoption.

And probably the biggest revelation this past week is in realizing so many people don't know much about adoption at all. I got really basic questions like how would we get Baby? Would the lawyer bring the baby to us? I didn't mind these questions. In fact, those questions tell me that I need to do as much as I can to educate the folks around me about adoption. I realized they don't know, because they don't need to know. They aren't asking questions just to be nosey.

I have lived and breathed and researched adoption for the last 4 years. I can't expect the people who care about me to know what I know. But I am glad that they care. And I guess that's the point of National Adoption Month. So those of you out there who see me in the street, feel free to ask me anything. Just be warned that I can't or won't share every little detail about this match. All anyone really needs to know is that Baby and Baby's mother(s) are doing just fine.

Sandra Bullock adopts. What a Blind Side

Back in March, before the whole Jesse James affair circus, Sandra Bullock had this to say upon winning the Oscar for her role in "The Blind Side".

I would like to thank what this film is about for me which are the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from. Those moms and parents never get thanked. I, in particular, failed to thank one. So… if I can take this moment to thank Helga B. for not letting me ride in cars with boys until I was 18 because she was right. I would’ve done what she said I was gonna do. For making me practice every day when I got home. Piano, ballet, whatever it is I wanted to be. She said to be an artist, you had to practice every day, and for reminding her daughters that there’s no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We are all deserving of love.

I was really moved by those words. And now they have even more weight in their meaning for her personally. Although the world didn't know it yet, she had become a mother herself. It was announced in a cover story for People magazine that in January, she and her husband had brought home a baby boy from New Orleans after beginning adoption proceedings four years ago.

Really? Four years ago? I haven't seen the full article, but I hope there is some elaboration on that. Most times we see celebrities just turn up with babies. They have the cash to pay a high-powered adoption attorney to match them with the child of their dreams. The rest of us can't afford that kind of adoption. So we wait. And wait...

I would seriously like for someone like Sandra Bullock to share her adoption experience with the rest of the world. Of course, right now she would probably like as much privacy as possible during what I'm sure is a painful time for all involved (including her husband's children). There is going to be an awful lot to sort out there and the well being of all the children should be priority number one.

But maybe, one day she'll sit down and tell the world just what took four years. Those of us who have adopted or are waiting to adopt know just what takes so long. Wouldn't it be great to hear from someone like Sandra what it is like to wait so long to become a parent? Nia Vardalos spoke recently about the difficult maze of domestic adoption she and her husband experienced. What an awesome team she and Sandra would make as advocates for adoption.

A truly inspiring celebrity adoption

You never know where you'll find hope and inspiration. I try not to obsess about our future adoption, but some days I can't stop myself. So today found me looking at the forums on adoption.com for the millionth time. Every once and a while I find a golden nugget of information that helps me hang on and today was one of those days. Here it is..



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nia-vardalos/the-list_b_161241.html



I knew Nia Vardalos (of "My Big, Fat Greek Wedding" fame) was featured in Adoptive Families magazine this month. I just subscribed, so I haven't gotten my first issue yet. The link in the forum was the first opportunity I have had to learn her adoption story. I'm just really thankful to her for sharing it. God Bless her. She had the chance to do the Hollywood Adoption fast track and refused. Instead, she mucked her way through the maze that is Domestic Adoption and waited for her daughter like the rest of us. Now she is working to raise public awareness about Domestic Adoptions and to correct any misconceptions people might have. No big fanfare. No "Entertainment Tonight" PR. Just letting her actions speak volumes about her character.

And, I have to say, just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about adoption, I learned a few new things through reading about her experience.

Thank you, Nia!