This month I decided to give locally. One of my cousins posted a link on her Facebook page about contributing to the cause of a young girl in our community who has Dravet Syndrome. I had read about Haley and her family in the local paper a few times. She has been through a lot in her short life as is chronicled at Haley is my Hero.
Haley's mom used to teach the most excellent kick boxing cardio classes at our local gym. She had to give that up when she became pregnant with Haley's twin brothers. I did not realize what the family was going through until her mother contributed a series of articles about Haley's condition in the local paper.
Dravet Syndrome is a rare disorder which causes epileptic type seizures in young children. In Haley's case, it began when she was 5 months old. However she was not properly diagnosed with the disorder until she was 7 years old. The website has a wealth of information on her story. Her family, through the International Dravet syndrome and Epilepsy Action League (IDEA League) are doing everything they can to educate the public about this disorder as the drugs used to treat this rare condition are not readily available in the United States.
Please take a moment to visit the website and read Haley's story. Despite her condition, this little girl remains happy and loving and displays a positive attitude towards life. I think her whole family are amazing and I wish I could do more to support them in what has got to be an overwhelming and challenging time in their lives.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
PMA Recharged!
"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. "
~ W. W. Ziege
I didn't realize it until yesterday, but I have really been in a funk for about the last 6 weeks. I guess it started with this, Pity Party. That phone conversation basically made me feel like we were on the road to nowhere with regards to our adoption. Add to that the lousy, no, brutal winter weather we've been experiencing on the east coast, well you can kind of see what it would do to a person.
It all came to a head this past weekend. On Sunday I had a brainstorm. Why not try calling an adoption attorney? We were set to have an early meeting with our social worker on Thursday which meant we could fit in another meeting later that day. So I emailed the attorney that had been most recommended to us. I did not expect an answer until Monday, but she actually emailed me back that afternoon saying she could meet us. I suggested a meeting time and waited to hear back. Just before bed I got her reply. The time was fine for her and she followed up with what the consultation would cover. And, oh, her fee was $325!
Well, I guess that was the proverbial last straw. I lost it and weeks of frustration and disappointment came spilling out in uncontrollable tears. I basically cried myself to sleep. And things didn't get much better the next morning when my co-worker had an adoption tip for me. God bless her. She was only trying to help, but was unaware of my breakdown the night before. More tears, I'm afraid.
Nevertheless, Hunter said to go ahead with the appointment. I spent the next few days worrying excessively. Would this be worth the money? Or would she just tell me what I already knew? I even emailed my fellow blogger, Julie at A Family is Born, to see who they were using. It was the same lawyer and she assured me that she definitely recommended her. That helped me relax a bit.
Thursday came. It was a gorgeous day. Sunny and warm with all the Springtime flowers in bloom. We had a 9am meeting with our social worker. I was trying to keep an open mind but our last conversation and how it made me feel is what I opened with. I could hardly keep my voice from cracking while I was trying to be diplomatic about my feelings. To her credit, I felt she handled everything very well. We spent about an hour hashing things out. We did discover that we probably needed to make an addendum to our home study pertaining to our increasingly positive feelings for an open adoption. Overall, it was a good meeting. I left with more positive feelings than negative.
Then it was on to the meeting with the attorney. Now, Hunter and I have NEVER had to consult a lawyer about anything in our lives. So this was pretty intimidating. Luckily, the attorney was anything but intimidating.
After the introductions and niceties, she hit the floor running with her presentation. We found her very likable and a wealth of information. It is obvious she has spent years building contacts within the adoption world. We discussed networking strategies. Some I had thought of. Some I had not. She showed us examples of parent profiles, some good and some not so good. She did it all with a positive attitude with some humor thrown in. At the same time she was honest with us emphasizing that we had a lot of work ahead of us. She said some of her clients treat their adoption search like a part-time job. We should have been overwhelmed by that statement, but we were not. Her main point was that anyone hoping to adopt should be openly pursuing every possible avenue to make a match. We agreed to take her on as our attorney and we left the meeting full of optimism.
Do I think she is a miracle worker? No. Do I think she is a woman with a plan? Definitely. Industrious is the word Hunter used to describe her. So with two great meetings under our belt on a beautiful spring day, here we go! No looking back at what has passed. Just PMA!!
~ W. W. Ziege
I didn't realize it until yesterday, but I have really been in a funk for about the last 6 weeks. I guess it started with this, Pity Party. That phone conversation basically made me feel like we were on the road to nowhere with regards to our adoption. Add to that the lousy, no, brutal winter weather we've been experiencing on the east coast, well you can kind of see what it would do to a person.
It all came to a head this past weekend. On Sunday I had a brainstorm. Why not try calling an adoption attorney? We were set to have an early meeting with our social worker on Thursday which meant we could fit in another meeting later that day. So I emailed the attorney that had been most recommended to us. I did not expect an answer until Monday, but she actually emailed me back that afternoon saying she could meet us. I suggested a meeting time and waited to hear back. Just before bed I got her reply. The time was fine for her and she followed up with what the consultation would cover. And, oh, her fee was $325!
Well, I guess that was the proverbial last straw. I lost it and weeks of frustration and disappointment came spilling out in uncontrollable tears. I basically cried myself to sleep. And things didn't get much better the next morning when my co-worker had an adoption tip for me. God bless her. She was only trying to help, but was unaware of my breakdown the night before. More tears, I'm afraid.
Nevertheless, Hunter said to go ahead with the appointment. I spent the next few days worrying excessively. Would this be worth the money? Or would she just tell me what I already knew? I even emailed my fellow blogger, Julie at A Family is Born, to see who they were using. It was the same lawyer and she assured me that she definitely recommended her. That helped me relax a bit.
Thursday came. It was a gorgeous day. Sunny and warm with all the Springtime flowers in bloom. We had a 9am meeting with our social worker. I was trying to keep an open mind but our last conversation and how it made me feel is what I opened with. I could hardly keep my voice from cracking while I was trying to be diplomatic about my feelings. To her credit, I felt she handled everything very well. We spent about an hour hashing things out. We did discover that we probably needed to make an addendum to our home study pertaining to our increasingly positive feelings for an open adoption. Overall, it was a good meeting. I left with more positive feelings than negative.
Then it was on to the meeting with the attorney. Now, Hunter and I have NEVER had to consult a lawyer about anything in our lives. So this was pretty intimidating. Luckily, the attorney was anything but intimidating.
After the introductions and niceties, she hit the floor running with her presentation. We found her very likable and a wealth of information. It is obvious she has spent years building contacts within the adoption world. We discussed networking strategies. Some I had thought of. Some I had not. She showed us examples of parent profiles, some good and some not so good. She did it all with a positive attitude with some humor thrown in. At the same time she was honest with us emphasizing that we had a lot of work ahead of us. She said some of her clients treat their adoption search like a part-time job. We should have been overwhelmed by that statement, but we were not. Her main point was that anyone hoping to adopt should be openly pursuing every possible avenue to make a match. We agreed to take her on as our attorney and we left the meeting full of optimism.
Do I think she is a miracle worker? No. Do I think she is a woman with a plan? Definitely. Industrious is the word Hunter used to describe her. So with two great meetings under our belt on a beautiful spring day, here we go! No looking back at what has passed. Just PMA!!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Goodbye Winter.
It has been one of the coldest, snowiest winters we have seen in Virginia in over 20 years. I am glad to say goodbye tomorrow. We usually have cold snaps lasting 3-4 days at a time followed by temps in the 50s. And we might have a slight snow shower of 3-4 inches once or twice during the winter. This winter, the snow started before Christmas. We had 14 inches on January 30th as seen below.
We had three other major "snow events" throughout February dumping another 10 inches or so. Our creek stayed frozen for 2 months straight. We had to halt construction on our dock and boathouse.
And then two weeks ago the temps finally got above 45 degrees during the day. Hello Spring!
We had three other major "snow events" throughout February dumping another 10 inches or so. Our creek stayed frozen for 2 months straight. We had to halt construction on our dock and boathouse.
And then two weeks ago the temps finally got above 45 degrees during the day. Hello Spring!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Adoption Politics
When I was growing up in the 1970s, my Mom and her friends decided to join the local chapter of the Republican Women's Club. My Mom was 19 when she married and she, like her friends, was a stay at home mom. I don't think they really had any political leanings. I think they were looking to get a little "me" time while the kids were in school and this was an attractive outlet. My Dad was supportive of her involvement, but also teased my Mom saying she barely knew a Republican from Democrat.
My Mom and her friends stuck with the club for a number of years. It turned out to be more than just Tea Partys and fund raising events. My Mom was a delegate at several conventions to nominate candidates for state elections. She would go to the conventions and come home and tell me and my brother about her experiences. She actually met Elizabeth Taylor once when she was married to and campaigning for John Warner. She also worked as a campaign volunteer for a state senator and helped manage the campaign for a local board of supervisors candidate.
Through her experiences, my brother and I learned a lot about politics and how our government works. I believe the right to vote is so important to our democracy. I have voted in every election since I was 18 years old. As I get older, I hate political parties and I make a point of voting for the candidate, not his or her party.
Why am I going on about this on an adoption blog? In the last month I have been encouraged to contact my representatives on 2 issues. One was for tax exemptions for fraternity and sorority housing improvements. I wrote to both Virgina Senators and heard back via a form letter from both within a weeks time. One said he is sponsoring the bill. The other said he would consider sponsoring the bill. Yay, democracy in action!
The other issue was about the Adoption Tax Credit legislation which is set to expire December 2010. Currently there is a tax credit for adoptive families. They may claim up to $12,000 dollars on their tax return for adoption expenses. A typical adoption costs between $15,000 to $50,000. For most families, including us, it really makes a difference. I recently contacted my Virginia representatives via email about this issue. Unlike the bill for collegiate housing, I have heard nothing.
This is the first time in my adult life that I have taken the time to contact my representatives. When I wrote to them about the adoption tax credit, I really didn't know how it all worked. I didn't expect a response. But now, after hearing back from both Senators in less than a week about the collegiate housing tax exemption it makes me think. And it makes me mad. The biggest hurdle for adoptive families is the expense. There are so many children who need homes. Why would the government take away this tax exemption and make it even harder for adoptive families?
If you care about this issue, I invite you to visit this site:
http://adoptiontaxcredit.wetpaint.com/
It is the site that I used to contact my state representatives about this issue. It makes it very easy to find your representatives and send them a message about continuing the adoption tax credit. If adoption is important to you, please take a moment to voice your opinion. Even though I am disappointed by the lack of response, I still think it is important to let your voice be heard.
UPDATE (3/19/10) Well, lo and behold, when I got home there was a message on my answering machine from my Congressman in the US House of Representatives. One of his assistants left a message thanking me for contacting the Congressman about the adoption tax credit bill. She explained that he was already a sponsor of the bill and that he also happened to be an adoptee. OK. Faith in our democracy is now somewhat restored. But then there's that scary Health Bill they seem to want to push through awfully fast. Ah well, I'm not even going to go there ;)
My Mom and her friends stuck with the club for a number of years. It turned out to be more than just Tea Partys and fund raising events. My Mom was a delegate at several conventions to nominate candidates for state elections. She would go to the conventions and come home and tell me and my brother about her experiences. She actually met Elizabeth Taylor once when she was married to and campaigning for John Warner. She also worked as a campaign volunteer for a state senator and helped manage the campaign for a local board of supervisors candidate.
Through her experiences, my brother and I learned a lot about politics and how our government works. I believe the right to vote is so important to our democracy. I have voted in every election since I was 18 years old. As I get older, I hate political parties and I make a point of voting for the candidate, not his or her party.
Why am I going on about this on an adoption blog? In the last month I have been encouraged to contact my representatives on 2 issues. One was for tax exemptions for fraternity and sorority housing improvements. I wrote to both Virgina Senators and heard back via a form letter from both within a weeks time. One said he is sponsoring the bill. The other said he would consider sponsoring the bill. Yay, democracy in action!
The other issue was about the Adoption Tax Credit legislation which is set to expire December 2010. Currently there is a tax credit for adoptive families. They may claim up to $12,000 dollars on their tax return for adoption expenses. A typical adoption costs between $15,000 to $50,000. For most families, including us, it really makes a difference. I recently contacted my Virginia representatives via email about this issue. Unlike the bill for collegiate housing, I have heard nothing.
This is the first time in my adult life that I have taken the time to contact my representatives. When I wrote to them about the adoption tax credit, I really didn't know how it all worked. I didn't expect a response. But now, after hearing back from both Senators in less than a week about the collegiate housing tax exemption it makes me think. And it makes me mad. The biggest hurdle for adoptive families is the expense. There are so many children who need homes. Why would the government take away this tax exemption and make it even harder for adoptive families?
If you care about this issue, I invite you to visit this site:
http://adoptiontaxcredit.wetpaint.com/
It is the site that I used to contact my state representatives about this issue. It makes it very easy to find your representatives and send them a message about continuing the adoption tax credit. If adoption is important to you, please take a moment to voice your opinion. Even though I am disappointed by the lack of response, I still think it is important to let your voice be heard.
UPDATE (3/19/10) Well, lo and behold, when I got home there was a message on my answering machine from my Congressman in the US House of Representatives. One of his assistants left a message thanking me for contacting the Congressman about the adoption tax credit bill. She explained that he was already a sponsor of the bill and that he also happened to be an adoptee. OK. Faith in our democracy is now somewhat restored. But then there's that scary Health Bill they seem to want to push through awfully fast. Ah well, I'm not even going to go there ;)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Year of Learning (about open adoption)
It was this time last year we started our home study process. I remember setting up the first appointment with our social worker. She said there would be a lot of paperwork to go through for the first meeting. So I didn't stress about the meeting too much.
However once we got there, the "interview" began. She hit us with questions about our infertility struggle on the very first meeting. I wasn't expecting this. It was probably a good thing. I didn't have time to over think it. There were tears. It had been about 2 years since had finished our last Invitro fertilization round(IVF). But, we got through the initial interview and set up our next appointment in which we would be interviewed separately.
That was the one that gave me a headache. The questions delved deeply into our marriage, into our individual upbringings and our relationships with our families. Our social worker was always kind. But it was a very long session and I had to have an aspirin afterwards. We got in the car and I told Hunter how the session had given me a headache. He confessed to the same.
We went on to have the home visit. I swear, by that time I was happy to just clean the house. I thought the meeting would be free of questions. Wrong! But they were mostly about how we would react to certain scenarios concerning an open adoption. I, like most people, was wary of the contact with the birth mother. Then all these situations were presented to us like contact with grandparents or contact with siblings. These were situations I never even contemplated and the thought of it all definitely overwhelmed me. We answered very conservatively about such contacts. After our home study was approved our social worker suggested I start blogging and sent me two examples of adoption blogs.
So I started reading and reading and reading. I was glad to be exposed to people writing about their experiences with adoption. I try to regularly read blogs by people on all sides of the adoption equation. Through reading these experiences, I have learned so much and am now firmly a believer of open adoptions.
What a difference a year makes!
However once we got there, the "interview" began. She hit us with questions about our infertility struggle on the very first meeting. I wasn't expecting this. It was probably a good thing. I didn't have time to over think it. There were tears. It had been about 2 years since had finished our last Invitro fertilization round(IVF). But, we got through the initial interview and set up our next appointment in which we would be interviewed separately.
That was the one that gave me a headache. The questions delved deeply into our marriage, into our individual upbringings and our relationships with our families. Our social worker was always kind. But it was a very long session and I had to have an aspirin afterwards. We got in the car and I told Hunter how the session had given me a headache. He confessed to the same.
We went on to have the home visit. I swear, by that time I was happy to just clean the house. I thought the meeting would be free of questions. Wrong! But they were mostly about how we would react to certain scenarios concerning an open adoption. I, like most people, was wary of the contact with the birth mother. Then all these situations were presented to us like contact with grandparents or contact with siblings. These were situations I never even contemplated and the thought of it all definitely overwhelmed me. We answered very conservatively about such contacts. After our home study was approved our social worker suggested I start blogging and sent me two examples of adoption blogs.
So I started reading and reading and reading. I was glad to be exposed to people writing about their experiences with adoption. I try to regularly read blogs by people on all sides of the adoption equation. Through reading these experiences, I have learned so much and am now firmly a believer of open adoptions.
What a difference a year makes!
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