Today we had a meeting with our adoption agency's social worker to update our Home Study. Our Virginia Home Study conducted in 2009 is valid until May 2011. But the agency that is handling the placement is in Texas and there, Home Studies are only valid for one year. I thought we would just be able to go to the agency for a meeting. But no, the social worker needed to come to our house.
As you can imagine, there was a frenzy of cleaning going on this weekend, Monday and Tuesday. I'm talking about going so far as washing windows and cleaning ceiling fan blades. I even got home a little early to do some last minute tidying up this afternoon. And then I panicked about our basement which is still in the progress of being finished. Should I write something up showing how we would spend the next few months putting the final touches on the basement? Would she insist on seeing it like our last social worker did when she came to visit us a year and a half ago? Even though we have done this before, I started having all kinds of paranoid thoughts. Maybe she would check the cabinets to make sure we didn't have any cleaning products within a child's reach. And on top of everything, she was about a half hour late allowing me more time to let my imagination run wild.
And in the end, she just sat us down at the dining room table and we had a lovely hour or so with her explaining the paperwork we needed to fill out. Most of it is just an update of forms we have filled out before. She did ask a few questions about what our plans were for maternity leave and child care after Baby comes home. But that was it. This is our third social worker at this agency since we started and this was our first time meeting her. Well, I hope she sticks around. We had a great chat with her and she was so helpful in so many ways. And the only time she left the dining room was to use the restroom just a few steps away. Ah, all that extra cleaning (and worrying) for nothing.
Showing posts with label home study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home study. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Year of Learning (about open adoption)
It was this time last year we started our home study process. I remember setting up the first appointment with our social worker. She said there would be a lot of paperwork to go through for the first meeting. So I didn't stress about the meeting too much.
However once we got there, the "interview" began. She hit us with questions about our infertility struggle on the very first meeting. I wasn't expecting this. It was probably a good thing. I didn't have time to over think it. There were tears. It had been about 2 years since had finished our last Invitro fertilization round(IVF). But, we got through the initial interview and set up our next appointment in which we would be interviewed separately.
That was the one that gave me a headache. The questions delved deeply into our marriage, into our individual upbringings and our relationships with our families. Our social worker was always kind. But it was a very long session and I had to have an aspirin afterwards. We got in the car and I told Hunter how the session had given me a headache. He confessed to the same.
We went on to have the home visit. I swear, by that time I was happy to just clean the house. I thought the meeting would be free of questions. Wrong! But they were mostly about how we would react to certain scenarios concerning an open adoption. I, like most people, was wary of the contact with the birth mother. Then all these situations were presented to us like contact with grandparents or contact with siblings. These were situations I never even contemplated and the thought of it all definitely overwhelmed me. We answered very conservatively about such contacts. After our home study was approved our social worker suggested I start blogging and sent me two examples of adoption blogs.
So I started reading and reading and reading. I was glad to be exposed to people writing about their experiences with adoption. I try to regularly read blogs by people on all sides of the adoption equation. Through reading these experiences, I have learned so much and am now firmly a believer of open adoptions.
What a difference a year makes!
However once we got there, the "interview" began. She hit us with questions about our infertility struggle on the very first meeting. I wasn't expecting this. It was probably a good thing. I didn't have time to over think it. There were tears. It had been about 2 years since had finished our last Invitro fertilization round(IVF). But, we got through the initial interview and set up our next appointment in which we would be interviewed separately.
That was the one that gave me a headache. The questions delved deeply into our marriage, into our individual upbringings and our relationships with our families. Our social worker was always kind. But it was a very long session and I had to have an aspirin afterwards. We got in the car and I told Hunter how the session had given me a headache. He confessed to the same.
We went on to have the home visit. I swear, by that time I was happy to just clean the house. I thought the meeting would be free of questions. Wrong! But they were mostly about how we would react to certain scenarios concerning an open adoption. I, like most people, was wary of the contact with the birth mother. Then all these situations were presented to us like contact with grandparents or contact with siblings. These were situations I never even contemplated and the thought of it all definitely overwhelmed me. We answered very conservatively about such contacts. After our home study was approved our social worker suggested I start blogging and sent me two examples of adoption blogs.
So I started reading and reading and reading. I was glad to be exposed to people writing about their experiences with adoption. I try to regularly read blogs by people on all sides of the adoption equation. Through reading these experiences, I have learned so much and am now firmly a believer of open adoptions.
What a difference a year makes!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Through the Looking Glass
The home study process was a daunting experience. After a particularly long and detailed Q&A session with our SW, I complained to my husband, "I can't believe they get to ask you such deep, personal questions and then you get to pay them for the privilege". Tongue in cheek, of course. Our SW was very kind and patient throughout the whole process. I certainly never felt like I was being judged (maybe by myself, just a little?). I'm just not that great with opening up to a stranger. I wasn't even stressed out about the home visit. I'd rather clean the house than answer anymore of those questions.
She asked us a line of questions early on that had to do with how we would parent a child. What kind of discipline would we use? How would we deal with questions about adoption? And so on. I paused before answering the first one and finally said, "You know, we've concentrated so long on how to become parents, I don't think I have thought about how we would actually raise a child." Later I thought would anyone dare ask a pregnant woman that? Throughout our time of trying to get pregnant, I had denied myself the pleasure of looking at baby things in stores. Denied myself of planning a nursery. Denied myself of thinking what it would be like having a little one in the house. And now all of a sudden I'm supposed to articulate how I'm going to parent a child?
I guess I could have been offended at the time. But, I think that was the moment I went from dreaming of parenthood to realizing that I actually would become a parent. I could finally stop focusing on how to become a parent and concentrate on learning to be a good one. It was, as they say, like a giant weight lifted off me.
Looking back, I realize the whole home study process served not just as a way for the agency to decide if we were parent material, but also a time for us to look at ourselves and focus on what it will eventually mean to become parents. It was uncomfortable taking a look at ourselves, but in the end definitely worth the journey.
She asked us a line of questions early on that had to do with how we would parent a child. What kind of discipline would we use? How would we deal with questions about adoption? And so on. I paused before answering the first one and finally said, "You know, we've concentrated so long on how to become parents, I don't think I have thought about how we would actually raise a child." Later I thought would anyone dare ask a pregnant woman that? Throughout our time of trying to get pregnant, I had denied myself the pleasure of looking at baby things in stores. Denied myself of planning a nursery. Denied myself of thinking what it would be like having a little one in the house. And now all of a sudden I'm supposed to articulate how I'm going to parent a child?
I guess I could have been offended at the time. But, I think that was the moment I went from dreaming of parenthood to realizing that I actually would become a parent. I could finally stop focusing on how to become a parent and concentrate on learning to be a good one. It was, as they say, like a giant weight lifted off me.
Looking back, I realize the whole home study process served not just as a way for the agency to decide if we were parent material, but also a time for us to look at ourselves and focus on what it will eventually mean to become parents. It was uncomfortable taking a look at ourselves, but in the end definitely worth the journey.
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