Our Journey Continues

I returned from work on Thursday evening to receive the message that we had dreaded to hear. Baby's Birth mother called us to explain that she had decided to not to go ahead with the adoption.

I wish I could say this was a shock out of the blue. But, we had an email from the social worker on Wednesday. She advised us that baby's birth mother had called her to say she was switching medical practices because she was unhappy with her current care. The social worker told us that the staff at the medical practice advised that baby's birth mother was not only in non-compliance with her medical care, but she had stated to staff that she was not going to place her child for adoption.

We spent an uncomfortable 24 hours as the social worker tried to get to the bottom of the situation. Hunter and I both believed that she was just stressed out and maybe had butted heads with the medical staff. But Thursday evening I got home to listen to a two very long messages from baby's birth mother explaining why she had decided to not go through with the adoption.

I could go on and on explaining this young woman's situation. But it is best to let it be. She has very good reasons to parent her child and I support her although it causes me much pain. She could have continued to receive our support payments until April and then told us that she changed her mind. She could have also easily been done with us by saying so to the social worker. Yet she called our home and left a very heartfelt message explaining her change of heart. I feel no resentment toward this young woman. She has been through so much.

So now we are left to pick up the pieces. Friday was a bad day. I could not even go to work and Hunter stayed home too. I finally decided I had to get out on my own today. While in the car I happened to hear this song exactly 3 times on 3 different stations.



This is one of my very favorite songs of all time. The first time it came on I smiled and then I cried uncontrollably. The second time it came on, I smiled and then I cried at the middle part where they say "pull up your head off the floor and come out screaming" It matched all that I was feeling. The third time I heard the song today I just said, "OK, God, I hear you!" He is obviously sending me a message. "Just because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded". I believe everything in this journey happens for a reason. I know we are not done. I may not know what our path is meant to be today. But I trust that I will someday.

Our Future's So Bright, We Gotta Wear Shades!

Nice long break from blogging. We have just been enjoying the season. It was nice to not have to force a smile during the Holidays this year. And now that the New Year has begun, it's all about Baby Butter Beane!

Baby's Birth Mom is doing well. We try to talk to her once a week. I don't know if I have said it before, but she lives in Montgomery, Alabama and Butter Beane is due around April 19th (on my Uncle's Birthday, by the way). We have learned that due to the Interstate Adoption Compact laws we will need to stay in Alabama for around 2 weeks after Baby is born. Don't know all the details yet.

We are currently talking about baby names and doing the baby registry thing. It's very exciting to finally let ourselves think about being parents soon. What a great way to spend time this cold winter!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I had the best day today. I took my Mom and Dad Christmas shopping in Newport News. We went early and managed to hit Toys'R Us, Bed, Bath and Beyond and Target. Then we headed over to Patrick Henry Mall where we actually got a "Costanza" parking spot right by the mall entrance. We had the best time laughing and joking. It was one for the books.

On the way home we heard an old favorite on the XM Radio



Hunter got up at 5am to go pound net fishing with my cousin. They managed to catch some Rockfish. We are looking forward to cooking them tomorrow. We followed up this evening with a birthday party for a friend. It was lightly snowing on our way home. Now we are home and exhausted. Looking forward for a little sleep in tomorrow.

Butter Beane

I've been saving the news. But we just found out on Monday that Baby is a boy! I don't think Hunter has stopped smiling since. I know some people like to be surprised whether it's a boy or a girl. But there was no way I could wait. There is already so much to do. Finding out boy or girl is a big help. We can now paint the nursery. And, of course, this new helps in picking out a name for Baby. We have already been quizzed about this. But I think this is one thing we will wait to reveal until after Baby's birth for a couple of reasons.

In the meantime, I was reminded this week about a story from our wedding reception. As we were making our escape, our family and friends had traditionally decorated the get away vehicle. Along with the shaving cream and tin cans, they had written a message saying "Bring on the Baby Beanes" and listed Lima, String, Pinto and Greene as possible names. It was very ambitious that they thought we would beget so many beans. Anyway, one of our cousins texted me back after hearing that we would have a baby boy and wanted to know if we picked Butter, Lima or Green for a name. Well, I have decided for now to call Baby "Butter Beane".



Now, hopefully everyone will understand why this is the "Beanie Baby Blog".

Thankful

"In the happy moments...Praise God. In the difficult moments... Seek God. In the quiet moments... Trust God. In EVERY moment...Thank God!!! Happy Thanksgiving!"

As I was trying to figure out how to write this post, I noticed the above quote on one of my Facebook friend's wall. And it appropriately sums up what I wanted to express today.

About this time last year I made a couple of decisions. One was to approach every day with a positive attitude. Every moment in our journey to adopt was to be faced with optimism. For those of you out there who have been there or are going through that journey, you know how hard that can be. But I have managed it very well this past year. And for that, I am thankful.

The other thing was to give my heart over to God and His Will. I am not an overly religious person. So this was a big step and it happened in a really odd moment. I was watching a PBS program by Rick Steves. It was a Christmas special documenting all the different ways Christmas is celebrated in Europe. One of the recurring themes was light. Candlelight shining in the darkness of cold winter nights. It was so beautiful. I made my mind up while watching the program to let that light in.

I said a prayer right there and then thanking God. And I decided I would speak with Him more often. Not to ask Him to give me anything. But to thank Him for everything. To thank Him for my husband. To thank Him for my family. To thank Him for every day. To thank Him for putting the desire to adopt in my heart. I also decided to give as much as I could during this year. I called it "The Year of Giving". But I should have called it "The Year of Being Thankful"!

The only thing I asked for was patience. That prayer has made this last year so much more bearable. Hunter and I just decided to get on with life and not worry about when we would become parents. We spent this last year living for each other. I think that is what needed to happen to make us finally ready to become parents. And for that, I am also thankful.

So, thank you, Melanie for posting that wonderful thought today. Please know that you have inspired me. I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and a joyous holiday season filled with the true meaning of Christmas.

Home Study Update

Today we had a meeting with our adoption agency's social worker to update our Home Study. Our Virginia Home Study conducted in 2009 is valid until May 2011. But the agency that is handling the placement is in Texas and there, Home Studies are only valid for one year. I thought we would just be able to go to the agency for a meeting. But no, the social worker needed to come to our house.

As you can imagine, there was a frenzy of cleaning going on this weekend, Monday and Tuesday. I'm talking about going so far as washing windows and cleaning ceiling fan blades. I even got home a little early to do some last minute tidying up this afternoon. And then I panicked about our basement which is still in the progress of being finished. Should I write something up showing how we would spend the next few months putting the final touches on the basement? Would she insist on seeing it like our last social worker did when she came to visit us a year and a half ago? Even though we have done this before, I started having all kinds of paranoid thoughts. Maybe she would check the cabinets to make sure we didn't have any cleaning products within a child's reach. And on top of everything, she was about a half hour late allowing me more time to let my imagination run wild.

And in the end, she just sat us down at the dining room table and we had a lovely hour or so with her explaining the paperwork we needed to fill out. Most of it is just an update of forms we have filled out before. She did ask a few questions about what our plans were for maternity leave and child care after Baby comes home. But that was it. This is our third social worker at this agency since we started and this was our first time meeting her. Well, I hope she sticks around. We had a great chat with her and she was so helpful in so many ways. And the only time she left the dining room was to use the restroom just a few steps away. Ah, all that extra cleaning (and worrying) for nothing.

Rule Britannia!

Here's a confession: I am a Britophile. I can't explain when it first occurred to me that I was. It has a lot to do with my Dad's family's English roots. But specifically I became enamoured of all things British beginning with the announcement of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer's impending nuptials in 1981. I have been following the British Royals ever since. I remember the Wales' wedding day like it was yesterday. For better or worse, I couldn't keep myself from reading the gossip during the Windsor soap opera when they separated and divorced. And, of course, I was heartbroken for Diana's sons when she died in the crash in Paris in 1997.

So when I awoke this morning to see the breaking news of William and Kate's engagement, I felt I had come full circle. It's silly and I know plenty of folks in Britain who wish the Monarchy would go away. But I love it. And when I found out today that William presented his fiancee with his mother's engagement ring when asking for her hand in marriage. Well....waterworks!



Congratulations to the happy couple!