It's Summer!

Friday Night Fun

We had a great time with friends last weekend. The local BBQ joint puts up a tent in the parking lot and has live music every Friday night. The weather was rainy, but the band kept on playing. We stayed dry under the big ole' tent.

Now that we are done with the home study process, we are trying to stay busy this summer. We are training for a 5K race that will take place on the Fourth of July. It is taking us about 47 minutes to complete the 3.1 miles. It was pretty hard getting started, but we get better with every run. We hope to be running double that amount by the end of the summer. Then we are going to train for the Outer Banks Half Marathon taking place in November.

Poor Hunter. With all the rain and cool weather, his garden isn't doing too well. We did have a good crop of strawberries which I used to make Strawberry-Jalapeno Pepper Jelly. Should have gone easy on the peppers though. Very hot!!

Finalized our vacations plans, finally. We had thought we might go to the mountains. But we decided to head to the beach in OBX. Found a nice little condo right on the beach. Looking forward to revisiting old haunts and trying some new experiences.

Through the Looking Glass

The home study process was a daunting experience. After a particularly long and detailed Q&A session with our SW, I complained to my husband, "I can't believe they get to ask you such deep, personal questions and then you get to pay them for the privilege". Tongue in cheek, of course. Our SW was very kind and patient throughout the whole process. I certainly never felt like I was being judged (maybe by myself, just a little?). I'm just not that great with opening up to a stranger. I wasn't even stressed out about the home visit. I'd rather clean the house than answer anymore of those questions.

She asked us a line of questions early on that had to do with how we would parent a child. What kind of discipline would we use? How would we deal with questions about adoption? And so on. I paused before answering the first one and finally said, "You know, we've concentrated so long on how to become parents, I don't think I have thought about how we would actually raise a child." Later I thought would anyone dare ask a pregnant woman that? Throughout our time of trying to get pregnant, I had denied myself the pleasure of looking at baby things in stores. Denied myself of planning a nursery. Denied myself of thinking what it would be like having a little one in the house. And now all of a sudden I'm supposed to articulate how I'm going to parent a child?


I guess I could have been offended at the time. But, I think that was the moment I went from dreaming of parenthood to realizing that I actually would become a parent. I could finally stop focusing on how to become a parent and concentrate on learning to be a good one. It was, as they say, like a giant weight lifted off me.

Looking back, I realize the whole home study process served not just as a way for the agency to decide if we were parent material, but also a time for us to look at ourselves and focus on what it will eventually mean to become parents. It was uncomfortable taking a look at ourselves, but in the end definitely worth the journey.

Infertility-The Great Equalizer?

"We had each other. Then we had you. Then we had everything"

That's from "Sex and the City". I fall apart every time I see Charlotte read that inscription her husband had engraved on a silver rattle from Tiffany's. I love that show. I started watching it before I met my husband. When I was a single, thirty-something and fancy free. The final season ran the summer we got married. We were so happy and hopeful for the future and knew that we wanted to have a child sooner rather than later since we were both over 35.

"Sex and the City" was always a great escape. I could watch those four fabulous women and live vicariously through their stories knowing I would never have a life anything like theirs. When I watched those episodes with Charlotte and her infertility heartache, I was sad for her. But I was in a new relationship and ready for marriage and a family. I knew that would never happen to us. Funny how infertility doesn't discriminate. You can be a Park Avenue lady or a simple middle class gal in the country. We all go through the same tests, the poking and prodding and the invasive procedures. When we came to the end of our infertility treatment rope, so to speak, I now look at those episodes and finally empathize with Charlotte. I never thought I could have anything in common with any of the characters on that show, but Charlotte's quest for the sound of tiny foot steps and her struggle with her friend's pregnancy are something I now feel I know more than I ever wished to know.

Our infertility story is no more remarkable than any other. But it was a lonely time. There was no one to speak to about it except for each other. Then we had a period of not knowing what to do next and we hardly spoke about "it" at all except to argue and cry. We couldn't agree how to go on. More fertility treatments or adoption? I finally decided I had to put it all from my mind. I decided, if it was to be, it would be. We finally decided to look into domestic adoption and attended yet another orientation only to be told we were to old for their domestic program. Exasperated, I told my husband it seemed like we constantly had doors slam shut in our faces. He patiently and emphatically said, "We'll find a door".

And so now, we are on the road to adoption. Everyone we share the news with is so ecstatic for us. And a little impatient. "How long will it take?", Have you heard anything yet?" is what we hear now. Amazingly, I have reached a point where I am not crazed. I feel almost serene, just knowing we are on our way. Hope has replaced restlessness. I don't stop myself from looking in the baby department of stores. We are keeping busy and enjoying doing things together that we probably won't have time for when finally meet our child.

We know you are out there, little one. And then two will become three. And then we will have everything.