National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness month. I haven't been thinking about adoption much over the last year or so since I last posted. I've taken a long break from writing any new posts. I guess I feel like this is a blog about my journey into the world of adoption and lately there hasn't been much adoption news going on with me. I went cold turkey on reading adoption blogs and started following Mommy blogs. I've spent my time, well, just parenting. The adoption really is not a factor in our everyday life right now.

So now, Richard is a very active, chatty (and a little bossy) 2 and a half year old. We've had a lot of fun this past year. We've had challenges too. He started at a local pre-school/daycare program in September. It was a big adjustment for him. He loves it, but he gets into trouble when they have to discipline him. He does his time out just fine. But throws a horrible fit when he has to say "I'm sorry". He is getting better at it however. There have been a few playground incidents, too. But he's just like all the other kids learning how to get along together.

I've watched him grow in many ways this year. It has occurred to me that he is starting to comprehend concepts like relationships and family. His world has been filled with Mom & Dad and Papa & Mamanita and Grandma & Grandpa. And now he's starting to make some friends at school. So knowing that he is understanding relationships between people makes adoption issues creep back into my mind. I believe he is at a point where we can start talking about adoption.

And it is worrying me. We never meant to keep this fact from him. But it never seemed like something he would understand, until now. I'm wishing I had found a way to bring the subject of his adoption up more in our everyday lives.

So now I'm scrambling, trying to form a plan to ease this subject into our conversations. I've seen a few recommendations for books about adoption. He loves when we read to him. So that is probably a good place to start.

One book I've read about is by Jamie Lee Curtis called "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born". I love her and have always wanted to read her book. She wrote it for her daughter who happens to be adopted.

Before Richard was born in March 2011, I bought two copies of this book. It's a childrens book by Kelsey Stewart, a birth mother who made adoption plans for 3 of her children. She has a great blog called A Birth Mother Voice.

Before we left the hospital with Richard, I handed a copy to Richard's birth mother, R. I told her that I planned to read my copy to him one day and tell him the story of his birth. I have some really great photos of R and Richard together at the hospital and ones of all four of us. R gave us some great shots of her family. I have them tucked away waiting to show him each one. I hope he will come to love looking at these and realize that he was not "given away", but that his family made a very loving decision to place him with us. And that's what Kelsey's book is about.

I don't know how Richard is going to take the story of his birth and adoption. I imagine that he will have a lot of questions. Or perhaps he'll just accept it and get on with his busy toddler life. Anyway, I'm nervous. But I know it must be done.

July

July 2012 has been quite a month. A week before Richard's 15 month check up, as usual, I had to take him to the doctor. He had a cough for a few days. Then I picked him up from daycare one day and his eye looked funny. By bath time, I realized he had conjunctivitis (pink eye). Went to the doctor the next day and come to find out, not only did he have pink eye, he also had a double ear infection. So, he needed antibiotics. It was all cleared up by the time of his check up. But then, Hunter and I wound up sick. Him with a sinus infection. Me with some viral infection that involved my throat, nose and eyes (aka: pink eye). So, antibiotics for Mom & Dad.

 In the middle of this. Sassy disappeared. I had taken her to the Vet late June. Something just wasn't right. They did blood work and it all looked ok. I brought her home and 5 days later she disappeared. She was gone 2 and a half weeks. I called and called her. Our neighbor thought she heard a cat. Hunter searched, with no results. Fourth of July came and went. No kitty. Then on the 11th of July at midnight (I don't know what I was doing up) she came through her pet door. She was skin and bones and had terrible injuries. We couldn't believe it. I thought she was gone forever.

We went straight to the Vet the next morning. Looks like she got caught in a car engine. Her wounds looked like the work of a fan belt. Poor baby. So guess who else had to have antibiotics.

After about a week and a half, she was coming around. Her front paws aren't as swollen. Her wounds are healing nicely. I asked Hunter how many lives did she have left. She is nearly 12 years old.

With a lot of TLC she's getting better. She's moving around but limping. We took her to the vet Saturday for a follow up. He said it's going to take time for her to heal but her paws are not broken.

After Richard's 15 month check up, he couldn't quite shake his cough. I got worried and took him to the doctor. Sure enough, he had another ear infection. The doctor asked what antibiotic he was on last time. I said amoxicillin. Then said, wait, we have all been on antibiotics for the last couple of weeks. You better check your records to be sure. Glad she didn't rely on my memory.

And today we took him on his first dental appointment. Sorry, buddy! But he did great. And that's a whole other story.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to

Hunter

Poppa

and Grandpa

Did I Mention I Love "Modern Family"?

I can't get "Modern Family" out of my head. The last episode this year really touched me. At the beginning of the season, Mitch and Cam, fathers of Lily, decided they wanted to add to their family. They announced they were planning to adopt a baby boy. There were a few other adoption issues on TV shows this season. One of them was on "Glee". I like "Glee". But the birth mother issue in those episodes could have been represented better. A lot of people criticized the way they portrayed Quinn's anger and wanting to have her baby returned. But, you know, I bet there are birth mothers out there who can identify with those feelings. So, that's all I have to say about that.

But the thing I can't get out of my head, is the scene where Mitch and Cam wander out into a field after learning that they would not be bringing home a baby. I could write a million blog posts and never make anyone understand what that feeling is like. But, the two of them, laying in that field, holding hands, comforting each other... I've been there and I know what that's like. I've said it before. Adoption is not easy and that's probably what makes it so rewarding. I'm so glad the writers didn't take the easy way out of this story line.

Adoption Day

We started filing our adoption papers in October 2011. Long story short, we received the final order of adoption on Wednesday, May 2nd. We celebrated by going to Aunt Ouizer's  Kentucky Derby Party. It was a Hat Party. So much fun!

Today, we go on Richard's first boat ride for the annual Blessing of the Fleet.

Adoption update

Even though Richard has been with us since birth, we could only start the legal part of adopting him last October. We did our part filling out the necessary paperwork from our agency and attorney. So we have just been waiting for all the red tape to be passed back and forth between the court, our agency/attorney and the state. We got an email from our social worker a couple of weeks ago saying that she just knew the final order of adoption would come through before his first birthday. Then around Richard's birthday the SW said she was going to check and see what was taking so long. Turns out the judge asked for something to be changed in the paperwork. Our attorney had already taken care of it and we are still waiting.

What this means is that Richard is still a ward of Children's Home Society and we are still his guardians/prospective adoptive parents. Once the final order of adoption is signed by the judge, we then have to apply for a new birth certificate and social security number for him. So it looks like we will be filing an extension on our tax return this year. But this is just a blip on the radar screen of our adoption journey. So, we are not too worried about it.

In the mean time, I saw this article about Mariska Hargitay who has adopted two children. In the article she says something Hunter and I heard several times during our adoption jouney, "Adoption is not for the faint of heart". Her description of her adoption journey really struck a chord in me. She and her husband went through a failed placement. While she acknowledges how painful the experience was, she also points out that it was the best thing for the birth parent and her child.

I think this attitude is the most important thing prospective adoptive parents have to realize. It is not about you. It is about finding the right home for the child. I know I was guilty of the "why me?" syndrome when we had infertility issues. It continued when we decided to adopt and when the waiting period dragged on and on. Then one day, it all clicked for me. The most important person in the adoption triad (birth parent, child, adoptive parent) is the child. This realization helped me redirect my frustrations about adopting into making sure I was living my life to the fullest and not just waiting for a child to come into our lives.

I'm so glad Mariska has shared her adoption experiences. She didn't have to. It's nobody's business. But, thankfully, like Nia Vardalos, she has chosen to use her celebrity to highlight just how fantastic adoption can be.

One Year

One year ago today, we brought Richard home.

He is our love. He is our companion. We love you Richard!