Beanie Baby Blog

No more "Me Time"

2012-02-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

I have a confession. I really want some "me time".

This morning the baby woke up at 6:30am. That was after we didn't get home until after 9pm last night. His bath was late. He got to bed late. We thought he would sleep late. But he didn't. *sigh*

So this morning, we fed him, changed his diaper, fed him again, changed his diaper again. This is the week Hunter's church just has Sunday school and Hunter likes to take Richard with him because they have a nursery. I like the idea too, 'cause it gives me a little piece of "me time". Well, this morning, 9:30 couldn't come soon enough. I kept watching the clock wishing 9:30 would get here. I had all kinds of plans for my time. Catching up on "Glee" maybe, or finally watching "Bridesmaids".

And when the two of them left, I just couldn't seem to sit still. I really wanted a nap, but I just couldn't do it. There were clothes to be folded and washed. The bathroom really needed cleaning. What were we going to have for dinner?? So I started my chores. Initially I was in a bad mood about it all. Why do I have to do all this and why can't I enjoy a little peace and quiet??

And then as I was folding my baby boy's clothes, I knew why. Because I'm a MOM! This time last year I was in a very low place emotionally. Today, every time I folded a piece of clothing or stepped over a toy, I just looked to the sky and thanked God for my husband and my little boy! I am so fortunate and hope I never lose sight of that.

By the way, we had snow last night. Not much, but it's Richard's first snow. Had to take a picture.

10 Months Old

2012-01-30T13:40:00.000-05:00

My posts are getting further apart. I guess this is for two reasons. One: that I have a very active 10 month old boy to look after. Two: that this blog is about our adoption journey and that is a part of our lives that is winding down. We have gone from prospective adoptive parents, to adoptive parents and now just just parents. Richard is 10 months old today. It is also his father's 47th Birthday.

In October, we were informed by our adoption agency that we could contact an adoption attorney and start the official adoption procedures. This included signing documents for the attorney so they would have access to the adoption agency's reports on our progress as a family. Not knowing how long any of this would take, we just waited. Then, in November, we got an email from our attorney's paralegal saying she had not received the agency's paperwork. Come to find out, someone at the agency had just filed away the letter requesting the home study, etc. After an email to them the agency got right back in line with sending the proper paperwork.

Fast forward through the holidays. We got word through the attorney that the paperwork for our adoption had been filed with the local circuit court. Hunter called them to see if we had to wait for the circuit court session in January. In this small town, the court only meets once every 3 months. But the staff assured us that the judge would get the paperwork and could sign off on it at anytime. Hunter checked with the clerk last week and they said that the judge had only signed one of the three documents sent. We checked with the attorney and she said this was absolutely right. So we have two more documents that need to go through the courts which include paperwork passing from the agency to the circuit court judge. I can't believe how slow it all happens.

In the mean time, Richard is getting so big. He has 8 teeth now. He has gone from crawling to walking around the furniture. He got a big boy haircut last week. He went from this

To this

And now he's doing this!

Adoption Tax Credit

2012-01-11T15:34:00.000-05:00

I saw this forum post on Adoptive Families magazine's web site today. It's a link to a petition supporting not abolishing the adoption tax credit in 2013. I don't know everything about the adoption tax credit bill. I just know that as Hunter and I await the circuit court judge's signature on our attorney's request to finalize our adoption, this tax credit is something that will help us with our adoption costs. We were lucky, our agency bases its fee on each household's income. So, that was already a big help. But then we have attorney fees on top of that. It adds up.

Apparently the adoption tax credit will disappear in 2013. I think this is a terrible shame. There are so many ordinary families like us who could give a child a home. We're not all like "Brangelina"! Adoption is already filled with so many emotional up and downs. This tax credit can really make the difference for people out there who want to help a child.

I've installed a link on the side bar. If you care about adoption, please go and add your name to the petition.

Things to be thankful for...

2011-11-24T10:05:00.001-05:00

One year ago on Thanksgiving I posted this. At the time, we had been matched with a birth mother and had so much to look forward to. It didn't work out. I don't want to rehash what happened. But I am glad I read this post again today. So much has changed in the last year. But the thoughts in last year's post have not changed. I am still so thankful.

I am thankful for our family of three.

I am thankful my mom has beaten breast cancer.

I am thankful for my in-laws who look after Richard whenever we need help.

I am thankful for my husband who has had the biggest change in his life these last 8 months. He has passed childcare 101 with flying colors. Yeah, I might get mad at him for quoting WebMD a million times a week. But, at least he has his child's best interest at heart. Thank you, Hunter, for being a fabulous Dad!

And mostly, I'm thankful for this little guy. By the way, he just started crawling last night!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thank you, Veterans!

2011-11-11T10:36:00.001-05:00

In honor of Veteran's Day, I am reposting this from 2 years ago. My mom and I were fortunate to help welcome home the USS Bainbridge back to Norfolk after it's successful pirate-hunting deployment. My cousin, who is now a veteran, was one of her crew members. Thanks to all the veterans and to those who are still serving!

Open Adoption Roundtable #30

2011-10-09T09:11:00.001-04:00

Do you remember the first time you heard about open adoption?
If you need some further prompting: What were the circumstances? What was your reaction? If you grew up in an open adoption, do you remember the first time you heard the label applied to your relationships?

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggers to participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--please feel free to adapt or expand on them.

Write a response at your blog--linking back here so your readers can browse other participating blogs--and share your post in the comments here. Using a previously published post is fine; I'd appreciate it if you'd add a link back to the roundtable. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

We were so confused about adoption. After our fertility treatments failed in 2006, we looked towards adoption. We knew we wanted to become a family through adoption. But it took us 3 years to decide how to make it happen. We concentrated on foreign adoption because, quite frankly, that's all we could find information on back then.

We decided to go to an adoption orientation for an agency in Northern Virginia which advertised both foreign and domestic adoptions. They went on and on about the foreign adoptions. Then spent 10 minutes explaining domestic adoption. I swear the social worker rolled her eyes throughout the whole explanation. It was absolutely no help. They made domestic adoption sound impossible and there was no mention of open adoption.

Then, in 2009 when foreign adoption became much more complicated by the Hague Treaty, we decided to look into domestic adoption again. Long story short, we were lead to the Childrens Home Society of Virginia. We attended yet another adoption seminar and it is there that we first encountered the term "Open Adoption" and we truly did not know what to think. Their presentation was all about openess in adoption. Although we were not sure about an open adoption, we loved the staff and decided to take the adoption plunge.

During our home study the question about openess finally came up. They wanted to know if we would be willing to meet with the birth parents plus what kind of contact to have after the placement of the child. All kinds of scenarios were placed before us. Would we want contact with birth siblings, birth grandparents, etc. It made our heads spin. We were very conservative in our answers to the social worker's questions. Because open adoption is the norm for today's domestic adoptions, we later found out our answers to these questions kept us from many placement possibilities for about a year.

During that year I started reading adoption blogs. I can't remember which one was first. But one lead to another and another and another. And eventually I found the Open Adoption Roundtable plus Heart Cries and Amstel Life. Through all of these bloggers I was able to get a big picture of open adoption. We finally asked our agency to amend our home study to include a completely open adoption.

One year later we were matched with our son's birth mother and we couldn't be happier. We are so thankful for the time we got to spend with R and her mother. We initially agreed to send pictures and letters through the agency. And we certainly started out that way. But now we have each other's email addresses and can communicate through Facebook.

I haven't yet digested how this will all turn out. But, I am so thankful to have an open adoption. The possibilities for the future are there and I can't wait to see what happens!

Open Adoption Roundatable #29

2011-09-14T22:26:00.000-04:00

Heather at "Production, Not Reproduction" has opened a new Open Adoption Roundtable discussion. This roundtable was inspired by her visit to the BlogHer conference. She attended a session where bloggers actually got up and read their own favorite blog entries. She has encouraged the rest of us to share our own favorite blog posts and explain why it is our favorite.

I have chosen "Come Monday, It Will Be Alright". When I posted this, we were at a crossroad. We had just experienced the loss of a failed adoption and six weeks later experienced the high of being asked to meet with our son's birthmother. We were still healing, yet we had a glimmer of hope at finally becoming parents.

9/11 Ten years on

2011-09-11T11:35:00.002-04:00

A lot happens in 10 years. Hunter and I watched the United 93 movie last night and I reminded him that 10 years ago today, we hadn't even met. We met in November of 2001. And now we are a family of 3. He's too young to know what today is all about. But Hunter and I will make sure he understands what happened in NY, at the Pentagon and Shanksville, PA.

We survivied the earthquake and hurricane

2011-09-10T23:06:00.000-04:00

I'm late posting this, but we made it through the big natural disaster week on the East Coast just fine. Irene hit on a Saturday. So, for once, Hunter was at home. We did just fine until 1pm and then we lost power. Hurricane with a baby, very interesting! Actually, the baby was great. I think it was just the anticipation of the unknown that made it all so difficult.

We entertained ourselves without power until dinner time. We sat looking out at our deck. I made sure the humming bird feeder was full before the storm so the birds could tank up before heading out before the storm. But they stuck around. This picture was taken at the height of the storm.

We finally fired up the generator around 6pm so we were able to feed and bathe the baby and put him to sleep. We still didn't know what would happen after midnight, so we put his pack and play in our half bath. No windows! He slept pretty good until about 5:30am.

We were all up after that. The Electric Co-Op that Hunter works for called him in around 8am Sunday morning. And so began my week as a single parent. Poor Hunter worked until after 9pm every night and was up and gone by 4:15am every morning. And just in time for this difficult week, the baby started cutting teeth!

But we survived. Hunter worked 90+ hours. It took the Co-Op about one week to get every one's power back on. It all sucked. But Isabelle was worse, so we are grateful to have been spared. Sorry to all the folks in the Outer Banks of NC and up north.

Hunter didn't see RJ from Sunday night until Saturday morning. He's still catching up on his sleep.

Come on, Irene!

2011-08-26T02:18:00.001-04:00

Looking back over my blog, it seems like I have written about I don't know how many hurricanes, nor'easters and other natural phenomenons. Yes, I grew up and now live on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay in Virginia, so these storms happen from time to time. And yes, I spent 4 years in New Orleans for college where I basically was on hurricane alert at the beginning of every fall semester. As a result of these experiences, I do not have a cavalier attitude towards any of these storms. I always prepare the same way. I gas up the car, get cash, make sure the pantry has non-perishable food items, etc.

I'm not one to worry about what ifs. I just deal with the storms as they come. But this one is different. It is the first time I have a child to think of. Currently, according to NOAA, we are in the pink zone which indicates we are in a hurricane watch area. We probably won't get a direct hit like the Outer Banks of North Carolina, but I can predict we are gonna lose power maybe for days and have lots of storm damage. This means Hunter will be at work from sun up until sun down until everyone has electricity and I will have to learn to manage with the baby on my own.

Storm preparation has been a little different this time. We have a generator, so we are ok for big people food and the Co-Op feeds its employees breakfast, lunch and dinner during these crises. So today I stocked up on formula, cereal and baby food since RJ just started eating these things last weekend. I get a crash course Friday night on operating the generator and then we wait and see. Oh, please let Irene be easy on us.

Hurricane + Earthquake = One big headache

2011-08-23T20:39:00.000-04:00

It's August and time to watch out for hurricanes. Which is precisely what I have been doing for a good part of the day. The 11am advisory by NOAA put us directly in the path of Hurricane Irene come this Sunday. So there was that to worry about today. Hunter hates this time of year for that reason and has expressed a wish to move to the desert. In past years a hurricane warning means a mad dash to either get our boat out of the water or at least make sure it is secure. Then there is the generator. Hunter has to make sure it is in working order, because if we lose power in this area he is basically working from sun up to sun down for the power company. But at least we have time to prepare. It may be for nothing, but at least you can see a hurricane coming and make a choice.

I remember having a conversation with a co-worker after the Northridge earthquake in California in the 1990's. She wanted to know if I would rather experience a hurricane or an earthquake. I didn't hesitate and told her definitely a hurricane. She argued for the earthquake because it was over so quickly. I said yeah, but there's no warning. Mind you I had never experienced an earthquake at that time. So lord knows how on earth I knew that the rumble at our office today was an earthquake. But I did. And now I definitely know the answer to my co-worker's question. I'll take a hurricane any day, just not the same week as my first ever earthquake. It's gonna be a long week...

On the road again...

2011-08-18T18:25:00.000-04:00

Another week and another road trip to Richmond. This time for a less stressful purpose. Yesterday, Hunter, Richard and I were due at Children's Home Society of Virginia (CHSVA) for our third and final supervisory visit with these nice ladies.

It will probably be the last time we meet with the staff of the agency in any official capacity. Our next step in our adoption of Richard will be in the hands of our adoption attorney. But that won't be until at least October.

It's amazing to me, this journey of ours. We started out as two bewildered people who didn't know where to turn for help with our wish to adopt. We finally found CHSVA. They have done an amazing job as far as we are concerned. Sure, we went through some tough times with some of the staff as in this episode. We also encountered adoption professionals from other agencies with varied results such as these folks.

But I am glad we stuck with CHSVA. The social workers were always there for us. I don't know how they deal with hopeful adoptive parents and not get burned out. Hunter and I are pretty easy to get along with. But I understand the desperation of some couples and I imagine it's not easy being in the hot seat when an adoption is taking longer than a couple thinks it should. So my hat is off to these ladies and their colleagues. Thank you for a job well done from our family of three!

And now for something completely different...

2011-08-10T17:44:00.002-04:00

Four months ago, Hunter and I left VCU Medical Center in Richmond as happy, but tired parents at last. Being in downtown Richmond for three consecutive days was stressful. I used to live in Richmond, but don't have the stomach for the traffic, etc. anymore. So when we finally left the hospital I vowed not to ever go back. Until today.

But I have to back up to begin this story. In January, just 4 days after we had been informed by the birth mother in Alabama that she would not be placing her baby, I was talking to my Mom. I was still in my self-pity stage and then she threw what little sanity I had left into a tailspin. She had a lump in her breast and had just found out that day that it was probably cancer.

"What?" you say. Why didn't I mention any of this before? Well, because that's what my Mom wanted. She is an ER nurse and she doesn't like a lot of fuss. So I had to live with this knowledge and not tell a soul.

So today, after weeks of chemo and learning to love wigs, my Mom had a mastectomy at VCU Medical Center. She is doing fine. She was in her room by 1pm and demanding a Diet Coke. So, there, proof that she's fine. She still has radiation to go through. But the tumor was barely visible during her last round of scans. Fingers crossed. So this is not a sad post. It's one to celebrate my mother surviving cancer.

My Mom and I have the greatest relationship. We have the same sense of humor, and it has really helped us get through these last few months. One of the things we love the most is people watching and the color commentary that goes along with it. You know, like on a cruise ship and you see what some of the ladies are wearing to dinner, and one turns to the other and says, "Did she look in the mirror before coming out here?" I know, we are both going to hell for it, but at least we can keep each other company.

Today, at the hospital, it was an environment rife with people watching and other dark humor. She would have loved it, but alas, she was the one in the operating room. So I have an itch to scratch and here goes.

First there was the old guy on his laptop who had some kind of electronic gadget first beep then strart buzzing. I kept looking over at him thinking he would hear it. And then he had the nerve to look at me reading my Kindle and rudely demanding I turn it on mute. Oh, he picked the wrong morning to try me. I informed him the noise was not coming from me and then he got called by a nurse. As soon as he walked away, the buzzing noise stopped. Imagine that!

Then there was misery guts lady. I heard her not once but twice tell anyone who would listen about every ache and pain she had-and she wasn't even the patient. She was waiting for her husband's surgery to be done. I wisely avoided eye contact lest having to hear her recite her list of afflictions for a third time.

Then there was witnessing the amazing job the surgical department must do everyday. They really have it down to a science. It was pure pandemonium when we arrived at 5:30am. They were calling patients names. Everybody sat down on one long wall with their families. There had to have been 30 or more people there. Nurses would take patients back and return later to summon the family. Dad and I went back to sit with Mom before surgery. All the team players came in and gave their little talks and then it was go time. There were at least 10 pre-op rooms on the corridor we were on. When we left, each door had a full surgical team ready to spring into action. We were dodging gurneys trying to get back to the waiting room. I told Dad it looked like pit row at Daytona. Dad said, "Gentlemen start your engines!" Good one, Dad.

And then there were these things.

The waiting area was so big, they have to give people these pagers. It would go off when they needed you to come to the reception desk. I was describing them to Mom and I told her, yeah, just like your favorite restaurant, Outback Steakhouse (wink, wink). But that's a story for another time.

Oh, and I almost forgot. I got to speak to Mom's doctor after the operation. His name is, wait for it, Dr. Bear. Dr. Harry Bear. LOL!

Festive Fourth for Three!

2011-07-04T11:11:00.000-04:00

We are experiencing all kinds of firsts. Mother's Day was wonderful. Father's Day was terrific. But for anyone who know us, Fourth of July weekend is the biggest, best time of the year for us. So it has been our absolute joy to share it with our son this year. Mind you, we slowed down a lot. We did not do the fireworks. We didn't do the 5K or the fishing trip on my Uncle's boat. But we did the Reedville parade on Saturday. Somebody managed to sleep through the Firetrucks!

We went to my Aunt's cottage for a cookout on Sunday and then had crabs at Hunter's cousin's house Sunday evening. Today is for catching up on sleep and keeping cool. Happy Independence Day!!

Happy Anniversary

2011-06-28T22:17:00.001-04:00

Hunter and I were married 8 years ago today. Normally, we would be having a romantic dinner for two about now. But, with our new addition we are grabbing bites of our take out Italian feast in between entertaining RJ and/or trying to keep him awake until bath time. And for whatever reason, Sassy Cat decided to bless us with her presence. So we made do eating at the coffee table and kitty obligingly cleaned our plates afterwards.

You will notice Hunter is shirtless. This summertime phenomenon in our house has been the one sticking point during our entire marriage. As a newly married couple, I decided a few things from the start. One was that we would sit down to dinner every night (with no TV). We actually lasted a couple of years of eating in the dining room. Then, I think, somewhere about the time of our fertility woes I said screw it and we started eating in the kitchen with the TV on.

But in those early days, I began to notice Hunter would come to dinner with no shirt. He would change into his "work" shorts to labor in the garden in the evenings. But he would not put on a shirt. So, gently one night - us being newlyweds after all - I explained to him that this was upsetting to me. I explained that no matter how hot it got in the summer, my father would not allow my brother to come to the dinner table shirtless. Hunter listened to me and then explained that it was the opposite in his house growing up. That he and his father always ate at the dinner table with no shirts.

I know it's silly to bring it up after 8 years. It's just one of those things that make a couple have to work on compromising. I still can't stand the shirtless thing, though. One of the nights before the baby was due to arrive, we had a bit of a hot spell. Hunter sat down to dinner with no shirt. I just looked at him and begged, "Can you please promise me you will not teach our son to come to the dinner table without a shirt on?" Hunter didn't say a word. He just got up and put his shirt on. I thought that was very sweet of him.

And then, a couple of weeks ago we all got up and had breakfast together. We all three sat at the kitchen table and I suddenly realized Hunter and the baby were both shirtless. ARRGGHHH! So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and I took this picture of Daddy and Son watching a little Sunday morning TV.

Father's Day

2011-06-19T12:15:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day to Hunter. Your vegetable garden might be smaller this year. But your little helper will only be growing bigger and bigger. I know you can't wait until he is big enough to help plant and pick beans. Here's to you Daddy!

Sassafras

2011-06-10T22:54:00.004-04:00

Before I met Hunter and long before we became parents, I had Sassy cat. I call her my Millennium Kitty because I adopted her in 2000 after my previous cat, Nigel died unexpectedly. From the beginning, she was not an outgoing kitty. She would hide whenever people came over. But, amazingly, not when Hunter came into the picture. They were fast friends from the start. She had some trouble adjusting when we moved house after we got married, but things soon worked out and they were inseparable.

During our adoption wait, I always worried how she would respond to a baby in the house. She is not territorial, but she loves our attention. The first night we were home with RJ was a challenge. We had been away for over 24 hours and when we showed up, we had all kinds of family in tow. And after they left, the baby was still here. He screamed that first night at first and Sassy didn't know what to do. Slowly she got used to him and would even share my lap when I was feeding him.

Her normal routine is to sleep all day and go out through her pet door all night. But a couple of weeks ago she started acting peculiar. Try as we might, she would not come inside. It got to the point where she was losing weight because she was not eating or drinking any water. She would only come inside for a few minutes and run if the baby made any noise. The last week has been especially worrisome because of the extreme heat we have had here.

When temps were supposed to be 100+ yesterday, I convinced Hunter we needed to contain her in the house. I went outside to call her, but she was already at the door. I think she had had enough of the heat. We closed off her pet door and when we got home discovered that she had been in the basement all day. She stayed there until after dark and went back outside. I was less worried about her and let her go. This morning, she ran back through her cat door at 6:15am and stayed in all day!

It seems kitty has decided to enter into an Entente-Cordial with the baby for now. This is the closest she has come to the baby in about 3 weeks. I'm so relieved. I hated her being cut off from us. She is so much more relaxed now. Here's to one big happy family!

Waiting 101

2011-06-06T13:38:00.000-04:00

I recently saw a topic on Adoptive Families magazine's discussion board for families waiting to adopt. The poster of the topic wanted to hear from others about how they dealt with "The Wait". Our son is now 2 months old, but the difficulty of waiting for him is still very much fresh in my mind. My heart went out to that poster. I thought about writing a reply, but after reading the other 12 remarks, I realized they had all given great advice. So I thought I would talk a little about our time waiting to adopt.

We officially waited 21 months before we got the call from the agency. But in reality we waited much longer. We finished fertility treatments in July 2006. I was immediately ready to move on to adoption in my mind and my heart. Hunter took longer to decide. In the spring of 2007 we initially agreed to adopt from Guatemala. There was an urgency to get our application in ASAP since we knew that when the U.S. became compliant with the Hague convention in 2008 that would more than likely interrupt any Guatemalan adoptions after 2008. (And it has) But, on July 1, 2007 Hunter announced that he was not ready to go forward. I was devastated and furious.

Somehow I was able to let go of the anger and soon after I told Hunter that we could always decide to remain childless. From that day, I resolved to live life exactly that way-like a couple without children. I threw myself into living every day as a married couple. I realized that in our quest for a family, I had forgotten how to be a couple. I planned fun things to do together. Boating and kayaking in the summer. Trying new restaurants. We went on some terrific vacations together and planned weekend getaways. I purposely pushed all ideas about adoption out of my mind. I never once mentioned it to Hunter again. I stubbornly decided that he would have to be the one to initiate any talk of adoption. But even though I stopped talking about it and scouring the Internet for information about it, I never could completely stop thinking about it.

So, by the time the topic of adoption finally came up in early 2009, I had already waited two and a half years. When we finally started adoption proceedings, it was such a relief. Our home study was approved in May 2009. But after that brief period of activity, I was back in familiar territory, waiting.

I truly believe our adoption journey has happened just as it should have. Every road block and dead end was meant to happen. I believe this because, looking back now, I know that I learned from every experience in this journey-positive and negative alike. And just like after the Guatemalan experience, I knew what we had to do. We had to live our life together to the fullest. We continued as before, sharing new experiences and taking the time for each other. Now with a 2 month old at home and very little sleep, I am so thankful that we took that time together so seriously. And if ever asked for advice about adoption, I think that would be number one on my list.

He's not a Butter Bean, He's a Butterball!

2011-05-14T15:25:00.000-04:00

This is my last weekend home with Baby Richard. Monday, I go back to work. I'm dreading it. But we have found a wonderful sitter to take care of him and she is less than 5 minutes from where I work. I have warned her that I might feel compelled to come see him during the day (and that is an understatement).

I was curious how much RJ weighed. He's not due for his next check up until the end of the month and I couldn't wait to know. So my Mom, who works in the local ER suggested I bring him by to weigh him. Plus it would be a good way for her ER buddies to see him. So that's what we did today. Everybody loved seeing him. And now, drum roll please, he weighs 12.6 pounds! I couldn't believe it.

And our other child is feeling, well, a little neglected. I heard Hunter this morning when he said he was going to take this picture, but I was too tired to care. When I saw it, I couldn't stop laughing. Not very flattering of me. But still very funny. Enjoy.

At Last!

2011-05-08T18:27:00.000-04:00

I just realized I started this blog 2 years ago this month. For anybody who has followed it, I don't think I need any words to describe what a wonderful day this is. Mother's Day at last!

Life with Baby Richard

2011-05-06T00:49:00.000-04:00

Baby Richard has been home with us for a month now. It has been an amazing time. Family and friends have been so wonderful and excited for the three of us. We are really beginning to hit our stride as a 3 person family (plus Sassy Cat).

My cousin Lesly and her mom and daughter gave us a fantastic Baby Shower. I think it is so wonderful that everyone got to meet Richard. I never held him the whole time we were there. Everyone wanted to spend time getting to know him.

Richard's little cousin's helped pass out the presents. But they got tired of me taking so long to open them. So they made their own fun.

My cousin Maria made this fabulous cake.

Lesly always does an amazing job when she throws a party

We then went to a family celebration for another cousin who will be getting married this Saturday. Richard slept through the whole day. I was afraid we would be up all night with him, but he went to sleep around 10pm and he got to wear his spiffy nautical outfit!

Now we are settling in to day to day life. He is such a happy baby. I mentioned something about him crying to one of my aunts the other day. She was amazed. "He actually cries?" she asked. Yes, he does from time to time. Lately it seems he gets upset after bath time.

First he looks like this.

Then he looks like this

But he soon settles down with a bottle. I think he is a water baby. I hope this means he will be a swimmer. We live near the water and love beach vacations. Here comes Summer, little boy. We're going to have a great time!

Royal Wedding Preparations

2011-04-28T22:06:00.002-04:00

Just about 30 years ago, I was excitedly awaiting the 29th of July and the Royal Wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana. I remember the night before the wedding so clearly. We had a horrible thunderstorm the night before. My mom was working the night shift in the ER. So my dad and my brother and I huddled in the family room with no electricity as the storm raged. I'm not exaggerating. The thunder and lightning were right over top of the house. With every strike, my dad would sink lower and lower into his chair. Until that night, I thought I was the only one in the family who hated thunderstorms.

It finally passed sometime after dark and then my dad and my brother went off to bed. The electricity was still off, so I refused to go to bed until it came back on. I did not have a battery powered alarm clock and the wedding was starting 11am GMT which is 6am in Virginia. I was gonna be up no matter what. So I sat alone in the candlelight and dreamed about the fireworks they were supposedly having in London that night and I waited. And waited.

I must have gone to bed at some point because the next thing I remembered was daylight. I ran downstairs to see it was after 7am. I had overslept and missed the whole thing! When I turned on the TV the new royal couple were leading the recessional down the aisle of St. Paul's. I was crushed. But back in 1981, 24 hour news stations and cable TV with hundreds of stations did not exist. So the networks, bless them, played the wedding footage all day and then had specials on all night. My mom and I laughed the other day about how I refused to let anyone change the channel all day!

So now, here I sit getting ready for Wills and Kate's big day. Deja Vu. The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm warning for our area of the state. I have just heard the rumblings of thunder. And now the rain has begun. The storm has already screwed up the satellite signal. So I can't even watch the pre-wedding coverage on TV. But we still have electricity, so far. The storm is supposed to pass after midnight, so I will continue my Royal Wedding preparations.

Kensington Palace is lit up for the night.

My Princess Diana mug is ready for Earl Grey tea in the morning (along with Richard's bottles). I did not have the foresight to buy or bake scones, so we will have some Bisquick garlic and cheddar biscuits for brekkie instead.

And now Sir Richard is bathed and dressed especially for the 4am wake up call. One of my longtime friends was in London recently. She couldn't resist buying him this onesie and bib from Harrod's and I am glad she did. So adorable.
.

And now I wait. Hopefully with electricity!

Cousins!

2011-04-22T22:27:00.000-04:00

No explanation needed, really. Today, Richard met his first cousins, our niece and nephew. Happiness does not even begin to describe it. They fell head over heels with him!

On our way to becoming a forever family

2011-04-14T01:29:00.003-04:00

We went to Children's Home Society of Virginia on Tuesday, April 12 to sign the official adoption agreement. This means that Baby Richard's status is no longer foster child. But, that we have agreed as his adoptive parents to take him into our home and be supervised for the next six months by the adoption agency. At the end of the six month period, the agency will make a recommendation to the courts for us to become his legal family.

We successfully had lunch out at a restaurant afterwards. Little Bubby slept through the whole thing. We never imagined that we would be able to go out to eat with a newborn. Then we stopped by Target to get a few things. Needless to say he was a tired boy by the end of the day.

In the meantime, he had his 2 week check up on Wednesday. He had gained a half pound bringing his weight to 9lbs 8oz. He is so strong. He already pulls upwards when I hold his little hands. And he has started pushing up with his feet and almost turned over at the doctor's office.

So, Hunter is back to work. I have a couple of more weeks before I go back. The time is flying. He's just two weeks old, but he is definitely the boss of this house!

You can call me anything you like, but my name is Richard

2011-04-11T04:53:00.001-04:00

Naming this little guy has sparked much discussion. We are not unlike any other couple naming a child. Everybody has an opinion. But in the end, we (or should I say Hunter) decided that he would be named for his father. Hunter was named for his grandfather. He is officially Richard Hunter II. During the only time he and I discussed names, Hunter asked me if I thought it was appropriate to name the baby after him. I knew even before we married that it was Hunter's wish to have a son named after him, so our son would be an RHB III. I told Hunter that it was his name to give and I would stand behind his decision. And that, was that. No more discussion.

However, what to call him seems to be constantly up to the individual's interpretation. Since his father already goes by Hunter, we are left with Richard. I do not like shortening names. Rich, Richie, Rick, Dick, etc. are definitely out as far as I am concerned. Lord helps the person who calls him "Little Richard"! So, he is Richard. I think we should call him RJ. Because, according to Miss Manners he is actually Richard Jr. not the III. (Hunter's grandfather passed away in 2002)

Here is a list of the names that friends and family currently call him.

My mother - Jackson. That is the name she wanted for him and she secretly whispers it in his ear.

My father - Little Wooter. He secretly wants one of Richard's names to be Joseph, which is my Dad's first name. So the RJ thing works pretty well for my parents.

Our cousin Caryn - Butter Beane

Our cousin Lesly - Richie Rich (it's a long story)

Hunter - Stewpot (when he is crying)

Me - Junior (I'm so bad!)

The 10 day waiting period has ended. We will go to the agency this Tuesday to sign the official adoption agreement. We have had the most wonderful time this past week. Whatever we call this little boy, he is our miracle and we are loving every minute!

One Week Later

2011-04-09T03:44:00.001-04:00

I'm up at one of those hours that only parents of newborns are up at and thought I would update what has been going on so far. We have had the little guy home with us for a week and it has been an amazing time.

The baby was born at 10pm, Wednesday, March 30 at VCU Medical Center in downtown Richmond, Virginia. During the next two days of visits to the hospital we experienced the Final Four frenzy that all of Richmond was under.

Friday, April 1st was spent at the hospital waiting for paperwork to be completed. It was very much a hurry up and wait kind of day.

The baby's discharge was complicated by paperwork between the hospital and the adoption agency, but eventually all was worked out. Hunter and I walked out with the baby along with R, her mother and Debra from the adoption agency. We had a brief, but heartfelt goodbye with R and her mom.

And then, we were on our way. I was so tired at that point and we still had 85 miles to go to get home. I was never so happy to make those last few miles home. Waiting for us in the driveway was my cousin, Lesly. She just edged out my parents to be followed by Hunter's parents. The baby slept the whole way home and didn't let out a peep as everyone held him and cooed at him.

I have to admit, Hunter and I were very bad parents the first 2 nights. The baby did not want to sleep on his own, so we took turns holding him while in the recliner, even at night. Of course, I took some criticism for this from my mom. Sunday night was the hardest. But I eventually, out of frustration, put him to bed on his own around 4am. I waited a whole hour to make sure he didn't wake up and then I went to bed. But not before announcing to Hunter that if he cried, Hunter was in charge. I laid in bed for another hour with eyes wide open and eventually got up around 6am to check on him. Hunter jumped out of bed from a sound sleep. "Is he crying?" he asked. No, I said. But how can you sleep, I cried, obviously delirious from exhaustion. Hunter just quietly got up and stood watch while I got some sleep.

I awoke later Monday morning with Hunter telling me he had fed the baby, changed his diaper and the baby had slept 2 additional hours in his sleeper on his own. This was a breakthrough and I was so relieved. We took him to his first pediatrician appointment later that day and stopped by my office so everybody could meet him.

The rest of the week has been filled with a mix of visitors and getting into a routine. We feel so lucky. He is such a good baby. He is just right for two middle-aged, first-time parents. Oh, and our cat, Sassafras, who is very shy of all who come to visit, she has given him 2 (or is it 4) paws up! Except for the crying parts, that is.

We are home!

2011-04-03T01:36:00.000-04:00

No time to write. We are just enjoying being home.

He's Here!

2011-03-31T03:23:00.000-04:00

We have just returned from the hospital. Turns out baby boy wanted March 30th for his birthday, instead. Around 8pm we settled down to watch Survivor and Hunter's phone rang. It was the social worker advising us that R, the birth mother, was on her way to the hospital. We grabbed our bags jumped in the car and drove towards Richmond in a drizzling rain.

But, when we were about 10 minutes from the hospital, his phone rang again. I realized who it was and screamed "is he here?" Hunter said yes. It was around 10pm So we missed seeing him come into this world. But when we got to the labor room R and her mother explained how dramatic and fast it all happened. I think it was better for all that we were not in the mix.

We couldn't see him right away. He was being tended to. Doing whatever it is they do to newborns. R looked tired, but happy. Her mom was so nice. We went to the waiting area until they came to take R to a regular room on the maternity ward.

And on the way there, we stopped at the nursery window. R's mother picked him out instantly. He weighed 8.15 pounds and has a head full of dark hair. We watched as they bathed him. I could hear him screaming through the glass. But he calmed down as soon as they finished the bath. He screamed again after the flash on my camera went off.

It was 1am at that point. We had talked it over with the social worker and she suggested we might want to go home and get some rest and come back this afternoon to spend some time with him. We left R and her mom so they could get some rest. They were still examining him when we left, so we haven't held him yet. Pictures will have to wait. Time for bed.

The Call

2011-03-30T18:50:00.001-04:00

Waited anxiously all day to hear something, anything from the agency. I called at 3:30, but both social workers were out of the office so I left a message. Got a call around 4:20 from one of them. She advised that the paperwork they requested had arrived and looked fine. She then asked if there was anything else I needed. Wait, what?? So I mentioned that, you know, I think the birth mother had a DR'S APPOINTMENT TODAY! Oh, right, she says, he was due last week wasn't he. I said yes. Anyway, they had not had a chance to speak to her today and that was that.

Then I went to the grocery store. As I walked I could hear this adorable tune on the muzak playing. I thought, that is familiar. Where do I know that from? Then I realized it was the special ring I had assigned the agency for when we would get THE call. Frantically, I pulled the phone out of my purse and answered.

Turns out the birth mother had left a voice mail for the other social worker reporting that she was dilated 3cm and the doctor decided to schedule her for induction tomorrow morning - 6:30am!

So after contacting all interested parties, I'm at home to make sure all my packing is done. Hunter is on his way home with a bassinet from his parents. I'm making Mom's famous tuna fish casserole because, frankly it's the only thing I know how to cook without thinking or a recipe.

Just so everybody understands, by Virginia state law, the birth parents have a 10 day period during which they may change their minds. If everything goes as planned tomorrow, the baby will come home with us as a foster child. And then, we see what happens.

I haven't slept well the last 2 nights. I think tonight is gonna be even harder, but I'm glad this day is here. I'm so glad they didn't schedule it for April Fool's Day!

Still Waiting...

2011-03-28T12:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry for not having any updates. But, there's not much to update. Baby is taking his sweet time. I did buy a car seat and pack-n-play this weekend. I took my parents along with me, while Hunter worked with his parents on laying ceramic tile in the bathrooms. My mom bought so much stuff. She is so excited. We had to go to Home Depot, not once, but twice to pick up more grout etc, for the tile floors. The car was so fully packed for the ride home that my mom said, "The way this car is packed, you'd think we'd bought everything the boy will need until he goes to college!" Not quite, but you get the idea.

Keep Calm and Carry On

2011-03-23T22:07:00.000-04:00

No bambino today. News from the agency is that Baby's Birth Mother had a doctor's appointment today and that all went well. He's just not ready to make an appearance. The next appointment is for next Wednesday, if we make it that far. Anyway, we have plenty to do around here and I'm craving some ice cream right now ;) Stay tuned...

Super Moon!

2011-03-18T19:59:00.000-04:00

I walked outside near dusk last night and happened to notice we were close to getting a full moon. I remembered what my mother, an ER nurse, always said. She hated working on nights when there was a full moon because it seemed every pregnant woman went into labor and every crazy person got crazier, and they all ended up in the ER. Knowing that the baby's due date is this Wednesday, I briefly thought about the pregnant woman part. Hmmm.

Then, at 3am this morning, I awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. (I wonder why) I decided to get up and cruise the Internet for awhile. Then I remembered the moon and wanted to know what day it would be at its fullest. So I Googled "March 2011 full moon". And there they were. The stories about the Super Moon happening tomorrow night. The stories of natural disasters happening. Very scary considering the Japan and NZ quakes. And the more plausible stories that the tides will be much higher in the next few days. And then I remembered what my Mom said about full moons and pregnant women. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Nesting

2011-03-16T16:22:00.000-04:00

I have definitely started nesting. I've been making lists of things I need to do before we bring the baby home. I have been cleaning out closets and taking things to the charity shops. And of course, cleaning - my favorite thing. NOT!

One of the things I would like to do is prepare some meals to freeze. I know you can freeze soups and lasagnas, but my brain can't think of any others. One of our cousins got some chickens recently and she is very generously sharing the eggs with us. Almost too generously. We are overrun with them at the moment. I'm thinking of making some quiches but don't know if they freeze well.

The other thing I would like to do is encourage Hunter to cook more. He can throw a frozen pizza in the oven and make a salad. And like most guys he can grill. Other than that he is lost in the kitchen. When I ask him what we might need to add to our grocery list, he immediately says popcorn and sodas and that's it. I'd like to find some simple fix meals that I can teach him. My mom's tuna fish casserole is an example. It only has three ingredients and you just throw them in a casserole and bake.

Any suggestions??

One Week Countdown

2011-03-15T23:19:00.000-04:00

We have had a week to get used to the news of our possible impending adoption. And now we have a week to get ready for Baby's arrival. But that, of course, depends on the baby's schedule of when he would like to make his appearance.

So far the plan is that Baby's Birth Mother will call the agency when she has gone into labor and they will in turn call us. We live about 85 miles from the hospital in Richmond. I have been making a list of must do's. I must keep the car fully fueled. I must keep my cell phone fully charged and with me at all times. We must make sure we have a car seat to bring Beanie Baby home.

Our agency's social worker reports that the Birth Mother is experiencing a lot of pressure, but that the baby hasn't dropped yet. Having never been pregnant, I don't know exactly what that means. Baby's Birth Mother has agreed that I join her in the delivery room. I just can't even imagine it all. We are ready no matter what. What will be, will be.

Sort of Speechless...

2011-03-07T20:08:00.000-05:00

This will be short and sweet. We went to the agency this morning and met with the birth mother. Turns out she had already made her decision and that decision is to place her baby boy with us. I can't really describe how it feels. Hunter said it was surreal. But we are so thankful for this current possibility. Having learned from our failed placement, we are cautiously optimistic. The birth parents both have a 10 day period during which they can change their minds after the baby is born. He is due March 23rd. Not much time to prepare, but we will do what we need to do and we'll manage. Thanks so much for all the love and prayers.

Lost and Found

2011-03-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

Genealogy has been an on and off hobby of mine forever. Back in the 1970s, my great aunt painstakingly traced my father's paternal tree back to England in the 1840s. In the late 1990s when the Internet finally became a household item, I took to RootsWeb trying to find out how the Isle of Wight Biddlecombs came across the Atlantic. A nice lady was able to give me some info about the previous generation before the family emigrated. I shared it with family members and we were all amazed at the info.

Then I met Hunter and I more or less forgot about genealogy, what with trying to reproduce and continue the family line and all. So after Monday's shocking call from the adoption agency, I received another shocking call on Tuesday. Or rather, my Mom and Dad did. The two of them called me at work and said they had just gotten off the phone with a lady from the Isle of Wight in England and she was looking for me! What???

She and Dad talked a little while. He grabbed his aunt's notes and it turns out that she is one of our long lost cousins still living on the Isle of Wight. She was looking for me because of a couple of inquiries I had made on RootsWeb all those years ago. Amazing! So my cousin and I have been emailing back and forth this past week. Today I am sitting here having a cup of tea and getting ready to scan my aunt's work from all those years ago to send to my new found cousin. I was just looking through the pages and, there it is, the link between us two. My aunt knew the name of our mutual ancestor and the last name of her husband but not much else. So now, hopefully we will know more about this side of the family.

It's all too much to take in. But it is a welcome distraction as we prepare to go to Richmond tomorrow. So, dear cousin, if you are reading this, I am getting to work. It's going to be a rainy day here so not much else to do. So glad to have been found.

Come Monday, it'll be alright

2011-03-04T15:28:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking the last few days about how things seem to happen so randomly in our adoption journey. And about how emotions can be affected by the slightest things. It all seems to happen for no reason. But then, I get some distance from an event and suddenly I see that maybe these things aren't all that random.

Two weekends ago, I was having a lovely Saturday. I was debating whether to finally put the boxes of Christmas decorations away and dismantle the tree. Although I had taken the ornaments off the tree soon after Twelth Night, I had waited a few days before taking down the tree. Then we got the call from the birth mother and after that I really didn't care about the tree or the boxes of decorations cluttering up the living room. As I stood there, I had the thought of "What the heck". Why don't I just decorate it with Mardi Gras beads and leave it up until Fat Tuesday?

With this in mind, I went to the front hall closet to look for the beads. Bad idea. That's where I had stored the few baby things that I and others had bought for the baby we would never bring home. One thing was the diaper bag I bought last summer and filled with diapers and other things we would need should we ever get a last minute call to meet a birth mother in the hospital. I had been keeping it in our bathroom closet intending to keep filling it with the items we would eventually need. But on January 13th I snatched it and all the other baby items in the house, including a Tigger costume I bought on impulse for the baby to wear for Halloween this year, and with tears in my eyes I shoved them all into the hall closet.

I had forgotten they were there. So there I was staring at them all again. I blinked a few times and then decided. I could either break down and cry or I could face it head on. I chose the latter. I snatched the diaper bag out of the closet along with a baby book someone had given us. It is a baby book that you can record baby's milestones and it also includes some Bible stories and songs. I held the bag and the book tightly and I prayed.

I prayed to God that the birth mother and her baby in Alabama were doing well. I prayed that someone would look out for them and keep them safe. I thanked God for putting forgiveness in my heart. For I truly wish them both the best. Then I asked him for patience. I knew then that I must resolve to wait and trust God and I told him that was what I would do. Then I put the diaper bag along with the baby book back in the bathroom closet where I now see it every day. Ever since then, I could feel my heart starting to heal.

I still have bad days. I was feeling pretty low last weekend. I never did find the Mardi Gras beads, so we just went ahead and put the Christmas stuff back in the attic. Hunter wanted to work on completing the last of the flooring in our basement. But, I thought, what's the point? The weight of the knowledge of how much further we were going to have to climb towards an adoption was heavy on my mind. What was the point of it all? I went back to work on Monday dreading the day knowing that we had to finally talk to the Texas adoption agency about our failed placement. As I said in the last post, that turned out just fine and the day got a little better.

Of course, little did I know what was in store for me that afternoon. When I saw that our Virginia agency was calling, I wish I could say what the social worker said to me was a suprise. But I knew what she would say before we even started talking. It was such a strange feeling, yet it felt perfectly natural. Almost like I was expecting it. I wonder where that feeling came from? But I think I know the answer to that question.

I have no idea what to expect on Monday when we go to meet this birth mother in Richmond. The waiting is making me crazy. But I know it is what is required of me. "Good things come to those who wait" That is your positive thought for today. Pay it forward!

I couldn't make up this story even if I tried...

2011-02-28T20:05:00.000-05:00

Today we spoke to the Texas adoption agency. It was a call I had been dreading. But it was ok. While we won't get back any of the money that went towards the birth mother's living expenses, we will receive a partial refund on the agency's fee. The social worker asked us to consider staying on with them to find another match and we said we would definitely think about it. We feel the agency did a very good job and I would recommend them to anyone looking for an agency in Texas.

So we decided to have lunch together and we talked about how it all went. We also talked about what to do when our home study expires in May. We have mixed feelings about our agency in Virginia and we discussed our options. So many decisions and it is so hard to know what to do.

Later in the afternoon, my cell phone rang. It was a call from our Virginia adoption agency. I quickly answered it, thinking "what on earth is this all about?" It was the child placing supervisor and she wanted to know if I had a few minutes to talk. Well, of course.

She told me she had been working with a birth mother for a couple of weeks and this young woman wants to meet us! My exact response was, "you gotta be kidding me, right?" But no, she was not kidding. We will be meeting her in Richmond next Monday. I was shaking like I don't know what. I called Hunter to tell him. I couldn't get the words out. My voice was so high I think only dogs could understand me. But I finally got the words out. "A BIRTH MOTHER WANTS TO MEET US!"

And then, after I settled back down to work, my phone rang again and it was from the Texas agency! She wanted to know if we would like to be considered for a birth mother she was going to meet this afternoon. UNREAL.

Somebody at the office said I should buy a lottery ticket tonight. *Sighs* If only I was the gambling kind.

More news later, hopefully...

Back in the Saddle

2011-02-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

Enough whining and moaning. It's time to get back to business. We have pretty much lived in an adoption-free zone for the last several weeks. Every once and a while I am asked if we have heard any news. Well, no. No, we haven't. It's just so hard to start all over again.

But, it is what we must do. I finally emailed the social worker we were working with on the now failed match. Hunter and I plan to call her Monday and find out where we stand financially. Our adoption budget took a hit. We are not sure what, if any, of the money we will get back. I'm dreading this conversation.

So, we have to go back and figure out an adoption strategy. We will have to let folks know that we still want to be parents. More networking. It's getting hard to get motivated. Our home study will expire in May. So we have to think about that too. Isn't this a horrible way to have to go about becoming a parent? That sounds terrible, I know. I meant to be positive. But sometimes, it's just too hard.

One Month Later...

2011-02-12T15:48:00.001-05:00

For anyone who reads this little ol' blog, you know 2011 hasn't showed me much so far. We started the year the way you are supposed to - full of hope and anticipation. And then we found out one month ago that we would not be bringing home baby in April. My state of mind during this last month is hard to explain. I guess it's a bit like driving off a cliff. There you are driving along happy as can be. And suddenly, there's no road left and you're falling.

I sort of don't know what to do with myself. I had everything planned out in my head to take us through until it was time to go to Alabama. And now, nothing.

But, I have to say, thank God for friends. I know it's hard for those who were excited for us. They don't really know what to say. It's awkward for them, I'm sure. But, I truly am thankful for friends.

One friend in particular has treated me with the best medicine in the world for a broken heart. Laughter. She and I recently exchanged a few emails reminiscing about some hilarious times we had back in the day when we used to work together. She reminded me how much we used to laugh together. We live hours away from each other now. I'm so glad we are still able to communicate through the Internet.

So, thank you, dear Friend. You know who you are. I'm sending some laughs your way...

Kathleen Madigan on Facebook and Egypt

"Groundhog Day" again

2011-02-02T22:03:00.001-05:00

I wrote a post last year about Groundhog Day. I was talking about snowstorms and how frequently we seemed to be getting them this time last year. We've been luckier this year. It's been bitterly cold but not as much snow. As a matter of fact it was 60 beautiful degrees today.

But a Facebook post I saw today pointed out that because of the movie of the same name, "Groundhog Day" has come to describe a day that you sort of live over and over. It occurred to me that for people dealing with infertility and eventually the adoption process, everyday sort of feels like "Groundhog Day".

When we were trying to get pregnant, it was a monthly roller coaster. After each cycle with no pregnancy, it became exhausting to start over. Back then I used to say it was like being a hamster on a wheel. You keep going and going, but you never get anywhere.

Now that we have moved on to adoption it's a bit different. It's a day to day existence. You don't plan for ovulation, etc. You just hope that today you might hear something, anything. You just get up everyday hoping that the waiting period for a match will end. Hoping that the deja vu of your daily life without a child will end.

We have been fairly lucky so far. Although we have had 2 failed matches, we have learned from both. Just like Bill Murray in the movie, we wake up every morning hearing Sonny and Cher and go about our day hoping for something, anything different to happen. One day it will.

Our Journey Continues

2011-01-15T20:31:00.002-05:00

I returned from work on Thursday evening to receive the message that we had dreaded to hear. Baby's Birth mother called us to explain that she had decided to not to go ahead with the adoption.

I wish I could say this was a shock out of the blue. But, we had an email from the social worker on Wednesday. She advised us that baby's birth mother had called her to say she was switching medical practices because she was unhappy with her current care. The social worker told us that the staff at the medical practice advised that baby's birth mother was not only in non-compliance with her medical care, but she had stated to staff that she was not going to place her child for adoption.

We spent an uncomfortable 24 hours as the social worker tried to get to the bottom of the situation. Hunter and I both believed that she was just stressed out and maybe had butted heads with the medical staff. But Thursday evening I got home to listen to a two very long messages from baby's birth mother explaining why she had decided to not go through with the adoption.

I could go on and on explaining this young woman's situation. But it is best to let it be. She has very good reasons to parent her child and I support her although it causes me much pain. She could have continued to receive our support payments until April and then told us that she changed her mind. She could have also easily been done with us by saying so to the social worker. Yet she called our home and left a very heartfelt message explaining her change of heart. I feel no resentment toward this young woman. She has been through so much.

So now we are left to pick up the pieces. Friday was a bad day. I could not even go to work and Hunter stayed home too. I finally decided I had to get out on my own today. While in the car I happened to hear this song exactly 3 times on 3 different stations.

This is one of my very favorite songs of all time. The first time it came on I smiled and then I cried uncontrollably. The second time it came on, I smiled and then I cried at the middle part where they say "pull up your head off the floor and come out screaming" It matched all that I was feeling. The third time I heard the song today I just said, "OK, God, I hear you!" He is obviously sending me a message. "Just because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded". I believe everything in this journey happens for a reason. I know we are not done. I may not know what our path is meant to be today. But I trust that I will someday.

Our Future's So Bright, We Gotta Wear Shades!

2011-01-09T13:55:00.002-05:00

Nice long break from blogging. We have just been enjoying the season. It was nice to not have to force a smile during the Holidays this year. And now that the New Year has begun, it's all about Baby Butter Beane!

Baby's Birth Mom is doing well. We try to talk to her once a week. I don't know if I have said it before, but she lives in Montgomery, Alabama and Butter Beane is due around April 19th (on my Uncle's Birthday, by the way). We have learned that due to the Interstate Adoption Compact laws we will need to stay in Alabama for around 2 weeks after Baby is born. Don't know all the details yet.

We are currently talking about baby names and doing the baby registry thing. It's very exciting to finally let ourselves think about being parents soon. What a great way to spend time this cold winter!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2010-12-04T21:49:00.006-05:00

I had the best day today. I took my Mom and Dad Christmas shopping in Newport News. We went early and managed to hit Toys'R Us, Bed, Bath and Beyond and Target. Then we headed over to Patrick Henry Mall where we actually got a "Costanza" parking spot right by the mall entrance. We had the best time laughing and joking. It was one for the books.

On the way home we heard an old favorite on the XM Radio

Hunter got up at 5am to go pound net fishing with my cousin. They managed to catch some Rockfish. We are looking forward to cooking them tomorrow. We followed up this evening with a birthday party for a friend. It was lightly snowing on our way home. Now we are home and exhausted. Looking forward for a little sleep in tomorrow.

Butter Beane

2010-12-01T23:34:00.015-05:00

I've been saving the news. But we just found out on Monday that Baby is a boy! I don't think Hunter has stopped smiling since. I know some people like to be surprised whether it's a boy or a girl. But there was no way I could wait. There is already so much to do. Finding out boy or girl is a big help. We can now paint the nursery. And, of course, this new helps in picking out a name for Baby. We have already been quizzed about this. But I think this is one thing we will wait to reveal until after Baby's birth for a couple of reasons.

In the meantime, I was reminded this week about a story from our wedding reception. As we were making our escape, our family and friends had traditionally decorated the get away vehicle. Along with the shaving cream and tin cans, they had written a message saying "Bring on the Baby Beanes" and listed Lima, String, Pinto and Greene as possible names. It was very ambitious that they thought we would beget so many beans. Anyway, one of our cousins texted me back after hearing that we would have a baby boy and wanted to know if we picked Butter, Lima or Green for a name. Well, I have decided for now to call Baby "Butter Beane".

Now, hopefully everyone will understand why this is the "Beanie Baby Blog".

Thankful

2010-11-25T10:22:00.005-05:00

"In the happy moments...Praise God. In the difficult moments... Seek God. In the quiet moments... Trust God. In EVERY moment...Thank God!!! Happy Thanksgiving!"

As I was trying to figure out how to write this post, I noticed the above quote on one of my Facebook friend's wall. And it appropriately sums up what I wanted to express today.

About this time last year I made a couple of decisions. One was to approach every day with a positive attitude. Every moment in our journey to adopt was to be faced with optimism. For those of you out there who have been there or are going through that journey, you know how hard that can be. But I have managed it very well this past year. And for that, I am thankful.

The other thing was to give my heart over to God and His Will. I am not an overly religious person. So this was a big step and it happened in a really odd moment. I was watching a PBS program by Rick Steves. It was a Christmas special documenting all the different ways Christmas is celebrated in Europe. One of the recurring themes was light. Candlelight shining in the darkness of cold winter nights. It was so beautiful. I made my mind up while watching the program to let that light in.

I said a prayer right there and then thanking God. And I decided I would speak with Him more often. Not to ask Him to give me anything. But to thank Him for everything. To thank Him for my husband. To thank Him for my family. To thank Him for every day. To thank Him for putting the desire to adopt in my heart. I also decided to give as much as I could during this year. I called it "The Year of Giving". But I should have called it "The Year of Being Thankful"!

The only thing I asked for was patience. That prayer has made this last year so much more bearable. Hunter and I just decided to get on with life and not worry about when we would become parents. We spent this last year living for each other. I think that is what needed to happen to make us finally ready to become parents. And for that, I am also thankful.

So, thank you, Melanie for posting that wonderful thought today. Please know that you have inspired me. I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and a joyous holiday season filled with the true meaning of Christmas.

Home Study Update

2010-11-17T19:36:00.003-05:00

Today we had a meeting with our adoption agency's social worker to update our Home Study. Our Virginia Home Study conducted in 2009 is valid until May 2011. But the agency that is handling the placement is in Texas and there, Home Studies are only valid for one year. I thought we would just be able to go to the agency for a meeting. But no, the social worker needed to come to our house.

As you can imagine, there was a frenzy of cleaning going on this weekend, Monday and Tuesday. I'm talking about going so far as washing windows and cleaning ceiling fan blades. I even got home a little early to do some last minute tidying up this afternoon. And then I panicked about our basement which is still in the progress of being finished. Should I write something up showing how we would spend the next few months putting the final touches on the basement? Would she insist on seeing it like our last social worker did when she came to visit us a year and a half ago? Even though we have done this before, I started having all kinds of paranoid thoughts. Maybe she would check the cabinets to make sure we didn't have any cleaning products within a child's reach. And on top of everything, she was about a half hour late allowing me more time to let my imagination run wild.

And in the end, she just sat us down at the dining room table and we had a lovely hour or so with her explaining the paperwork we needed to fill out. Most of it is just an update of forms we have filled out before. She did ask a few questions about what our plans were for maternity leave and child care after Baby comes home. But that was it. This is our third social worker at this agency since we started and this was our first time meeting her. Well, I hope she sticks around. We had a great chat with her and she was so helpful in so many ways. And the only time she left the dining room was to use the restroom just a few steps away. Ah, all that extra cleaning (and worrying) for nothing.

Rule Britannia!

2010-11-16T21:08:00.004-05:00

Here's a confession: I am a Britophile. I can't explain when it first occurred to me that I was. It has a lot to do with my Dad's family's English roots. But specifically I became enamoured of all things British beginning with the announcement of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer's impending nuptials in 1981. I have been following the British Royals ever since. I remember the Wales' wedding day like it was yesterday. For better or worse, I couldn't keep myself from reading the gossip during the Windsor soap opera when they separated and divorced. And, of course, I was heartbroken for Diana's sons when she died in the crash in Paris in 1997.

So when I awoke this morning to see the breaking news of William and Kate's engagement, I felt I had come full circle. It's silly and I know plenty of folks in Britain who wish the Monarchy would go away. But I love it. And when I found out today that William presented his fiancee with his mother's engagement ring when asking for her hand in marriage. Well....waterworks!

Congratulations to the happy couple!

Not the kind of labor I expected

2010-11-05T20:22:00.004-04:00

When we wed 7 years ago, my husband and I knew we wanted children sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, it didn't happen the way we thought it would. Now we have been blessed with a potential adoption and we are over the moon. Sure, I would have liked to have seen that positive sign on a pregnancy test and go through all the morning sickness and ultrasounds and picking out maternity clothes. But it just wasn't meant to be and we have accepted this a long time ago.

The waiting period for an adoption makes you crazy. When you are pregnant, you can start picking out nursery decor or car seats. You have doctor's appointments and need to make arrangements for child care or maternity leave. You have busy tasks to do and a limited time in which to accomplish them. On the other hand, waiting for a birth mother to pick you leaves days and days of what ifs. It's limbo. You know that one day you will be a parent, but are left wondering what it will be like when that happens.

Well, it appears to be happening for us. After so many years of disappointment, it is hard to change your mindset and just yell "Yipee". I know, I'm Miss PMA, but we have become cautiously optimistic. Every day I get a little more excited. Today, we received Baby's first ultrasound pictures. I can't even describe my emotions about this.

And while pregnant parents are figuring out the nursery and getting ready for Baby Showers, we are inundated with paperwork. We have to have our Home Study updated. In Virginia, our Home Study would be valid until next May. But the adoption will be finalized in Texas and there you have to update the Home Study every year. The agency sent us a list of documents that we need to compile for them in addition to the Home Study update. It is amazing how much documentation is needed to satisfy state laws. One is that we need to provide documentation that our pet's vaccinations are up to date. It is that specific.

I have no problem providing the required information. But, my goodness, we already answered the most personal questions ever to qualify to be an adoptive couple and now this. I'm not complaining. I consider it an honor to go through all this scrutiny and all this paperwork and still be considered good enough to be honored with the placement of a child in our home. It's just a different kind of labor than I expected.

Learning about Fostering to Adopt

2010-11-02T20:57:00.002-04:00

Please visit Penelope at Foster 2 Forever. She has an adoption celebration going on for National Adoption Month. You can join her Blog Hop or sign up for some giveaways. But most of all you can learn about fostering to adopt!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-01T17:54:00.003-04:00

November is National Adoption Month. Last year when I found out about National Adoption Month, it was when Nia Vardalos was spotlighted for adopting a young child and I was inspired by her story. Now, a year later, we are at the of beginning our own journey to adoption.

Last week was unlike anything I have ever imagined. There have been all kinds of well wishes on our making an adoption match. But there have been unexpected reactions too. Some folks are content just to say "Good Luck". But then there are others who get very carried away with asking questions. They want to know our birth mother's story and why she agreed to place her child for adoption. Or what about the birth father? Could he come and take the baby? Those are the tough questions. On the one hand, if it is a good friend asking, I'm torn. I know I can trust them, but should I?

Baby's birth mother has a right to privacy. Her story is not mine to tell. But her story will always be a part of Baby's story. You can see the dilemma. Thankfully, I understood the reasons behind the questions. In this case the questions came from those who have witnessed Hunter and I go through a lot of disappointments over the years. They just wanted to be sure we were making the best decision for our adoption.

And probably the biggest revelation this past week is in realizing so many people don't know much about adoption at all. I got really basic questions like how would we get Baby? Would the lawyer bring the baby to us? I didn't mind these questions. In fact, those questions tell me that I need to do as much as I can to educate the folks around me about adoption. I realized they don't know, because they don't need to know. They aren't asking questions just to be nosey.

I have lived and breathed and researched adoption for the last 4 years. I can't expect the people who care about me to know what I know. But I am glad that they care. And I guess that's the point of National Adoption Month. So those of you out there who see me in the street, feel free to ask me anything. Just be warned that I can't or won't share every little detail about this match. All anyone really needs to know is that Baby and Baby's mother(s) are doing just fine.

Happy Halloween Weekend

2010-10-29T22:56:00.002-04:00

Waking up before the crack of dawn and running 6.2 miles is a funny way to celebrate Halloween. But, that's what we will be doing in a few short hours. We will be running our first ever 10K race tomorrow-the Wicked 10K in Virginia Beach. We have spent the afternoon and evening carbo-loading. Now I'm listening to the waves from our hotel.

We can't stop talking about baby. We talked to baby's birth mother last night. She is doing great. She was so excited to tell us about the ultrasound she had on Thursday. She is about 16 weeks pregnant and she wanted so much to find out for us if the baby is a boy or a girl. In the end, they couldn't be 100% sure. So we will have to wait for that news. In the meantime, she says she and baby are doing just fine. She is sending us the ultrasound pictures.

Thank you for all the well wishes. I'm still having trouble typing without crying!

This Is It!

2010-10-28T21:50:00.002-04:00

It's been a long, hard road. And there have been many tears shed along the way. But we pray now that we will only experience tears of joy.

After all the years of wishing and praying, Hunter and I will no longer only be called husband and wife, son and daughter or aunt and uncle. Hopefully, this spring we will also be called Mom and Dad. We have made a match with a birth mother!

Thank you everyone for your prayers throughout this journey of ours. Looks like we are just getting started. Check back here for more news later. I'm sure at some point I'll be able to type without crying!!

The Year of Giving-update

2010-10-27T18:35:00.003-04:00

It appears my well-intentioned year of giving certainly has derailed a bit. Looks like I missed July through September. I have no excuse other than not really applying myself. When I decided to try this back in January, it was my hope I would not only give money to charities, but give of myself. But working a 40 hour week doesn't exactly lend a person much chance to volunteer. I have been asked 2 years in a row to help the YMCA with their back to school program in which they take kids to Wal-Mart shopping for school supplies. Alas, it is always scheduled for the middle of a workday in August. I work for a Heating and A/C company. August in Virginia is very hot and therefore we are very busy. But that's not a good excuse. I need to try harder. There has to be something out there. In the meantime, we're less that 2 months away from Christmas. I got a letter from Toys for Tots recently. So that's my charity for this month. If you would like to make a donation, click on this link to the website.

Be Prepared

2010-10-25T18:06:00.003-04:00

A couple of weekends ago we got an adoption lead for a child that was to be born in less than 48 hours. It was a situation, as our attorney explained, that anybody prepared to adopt the child basically needed to get in the car the next day. We talked about it but decided it was not the right situation for us.

The next day I remembered at message board topic from over a year ago. The topic was what prospective adoptive parents should buy and have on hand for when they got "the call". One woman listed all the items she had stored in a diaper bag that would be ready to go at any moment. I actually took the time to type up a list and then promptly forgot about it.

Well, in light of that swift placement, I decided maybe I should be more prepared. So I went to Wal Mart and bought a few things off the list. Nothing extravagant. Some diapers, baby wipes, onesies and receiving blankets. I already had this great bag that I wasn't sure what to use it for. It makes an excellent make-shift diaper bag. I guess I'll keep adding to it. Gives me a little project while we wait for the call. Just another exercise in PMA!

Modern Life

2010-10-21T18:54:00.006-04:00

Last night's episode of "Modern Family" was hilarious. Especially the part about the family with the 3 kids who made a contest out of going cold turkey from any kind of electronic gadgets. You know, like cell phones and texting, IPads, video games, etc. One kid complained to her parents that she wound up with a B instead of an A on her school report because she had to use the family's (somewhat) complete set of encyclopedias instead of the Internet to do her research.

On Facebook, I notice more and more of my friends are posting from their IPhones or Droid phones. They are posting almost every move they make during the day including pictures of funny things that happen, when they actually happen. Frankly, I'm a little jealous. While I am not necessarily technology challenged. I'm definitely travelling in the slow lane. We just got a laptop last year. And my phone doesn't have those qwerty keypads for easy texting, so I have to do it the old fashioned, slow way.

But it is enough for me. We finally got the laptop because we hated not getting emails, etc. when we were on vacation or away from home for the weekend. I was so excited on our vacation in May to be able to post pics from Disney World for family and friends.

Then we decided to get into camping this summer. That's when the laptop really became a superstar for me. I could keep up with emails and Facebook. I could watch DVDs or access my instant queue on Netflix. The possibilities were (almost) endless. On our first trip it helped pass time after dark before bedtime.

But on the second trip, I discovered around dinnertime on the first night that I had forgotten to pack the little connector cable for the MiFi thing we have from Verizon. I really started to freak out. Lord, what would I do after dark? I would have to resort to simple, non-Internet Solitaire. Horrors! No Facebook. No Netflix. I would be bored out of my mind. I vowed to go get another cable the very next morning. Surely there was a Verizon store somewhere. But then I realized we were on the Eastern Shore. Not exactly a bustling metropolis. I knew it would be hopeless to find what we needed. Sigh...

But then, like the Grinch finally getting what Christmas is all about, I realized I had a great CANDACE BUSHNELL BOOK with me. So after dinner and after dark, I borrowed Hunter's head lamp, fixed a cocktail and situated myself on the air mattress to read. And amazingly, I survived the night. And actually had a very relaxing evening listening to the sounds coming from around the campground. Between the book, the nightcap and the peaceful location, I drifted into a very relaxed sleep.

However, the next morning I woke to find Hunter fiddling with the laptop. He excitedly announced that he had gotten the Internet thingy to work without the cable. Oh joy! Oh joy! I was back in action! So there it is, I'm guilty as charged and hopelessly hooked on all this technology as the next person. And, by the way, I'm looking into one of them Droid phones.

16 going on 17

2010-10-15T14:44:00.005-04:00

We've had a few blips on the adoption radar this week. We have sent out several parent profiles for various prospective placements. Nothing to report so far. So, back to the waiting.

In other news, I will be celebrating my birthday this weekend. We will be busy. This evening we loaded up firewood to take over to my alma mater's annual oyster roast. Tomorrow we are training for our 10K debut by running/walking 5 miles. We are almost there! Getting excited about October 30th. Then we have to haul another load of wood over to the oyster roast. But tomorrow night we will enjoy the fruits of our labors and eat roasted oysters, clam chowder and hot dogs. It's a good time.

Last weekend when we were driving to Richmond, I had the XM radio tuned to "The 80s on 8" channel. Every week the former MTV veejays pick a year and they play the top 40 tunes for that week. Last week they did the week leading up to my birthday in October 1983. What a blast! Hunter kept trying to turn the volume down. But I just said "NO" and continued singing along with the tunes. Who would have thought I still knew all the words to Men At Work's "Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive"?

All of the memories of being 16 going on 17 came back to me during that road trip. I had one of the best years of my life in 1983. I was 16. I had my driver's license. I had great friends to keep me laughing. The day I turned 17 I was a little sad. I even looked in the mirror that day and said, "Please let me stay 16 forever" Ha, now I'm looking at 44. I look older and don't move as fast. I am wiser and I'm thankful for that. I've had lots of great years and milestones since 16. But in my mind and in my heart, I wanna be 16 forever! Rock On!!!

David Bowie's "Modern Love" was a part of the countdown. It was one of my favs from back then and is probably responsible for my teenage obsession with Mr. Bowie!

Back to Business as Usual

2010-10-05T22:57:00.002-04:00

Well, we survived the flood. In 36 hours we recorded 13.5 inches of rain. And then we had a more gentle rain on Sunday. Nice to see the grass greening up a bit. Afraid it won't be a very colorful fall due to the drought. Anyhow, we are now headed for fall fun. We have an oyster roast in a couple of weeks and we have been training for the Wicked 10K race in Virginia Beach on October 30th. We did 4.5 miles on Saturday and felt pretty good afterwards.

We had a bit of action on the adoption front in September. We sent out 3 parent profiles in early September. We didn't hear anything until I got an email from one of the agencies a couple of weeks ago. They had a mother who was interested in placing her child for adoption. It was a different one from the one we had responded to originally.

Later that night the social worker called my cell phone. I was a little leery after the last experience we had. But she just let us know that we could access the adoption info online and to let her know if we were interested the next day. After our last experience, I was amazed at the information this agency made available to us. There were plenty of pictures of the mother and a little more medical information than I felt comfortable with seeing. In the end, she needed more financial help than we were able to provide and we had to let the agency know. The social worker's response was very kind. And she said she would keep our profile on file.

I was so amazed and relieved. This experience has helped heal my faith in the adoption process and also made me know to trust my instinct more.

We also had an email from our agency announcing a waiting family town hall. Apparently they would discuss ways for waiting families to help themselves during the wait to be matched. We had discussed going, but Hunter already had a meeting he could not get out of, so we decided not to go. Today at work, he said one of his co-workers asked if we were attending the meeting. Hunter said he gave his co-worker a funny look. To which the co-worker explained that he and his wife had also signed with the same agency last March and they had decided to go tonight.

We were amazed to find out a couple we know are looking to adopt and using the same agency as us. I told Hunter that it's so nice to know we have another couple that we can compare notes with. I have said before that our story through infertility and now, adoption, is not any more remarkable than any other couple. But it can be a lonely time. Over the last year and a half I have been comforted by so many in the blogger world sharing their experiences of adoption. But it has been especially nice over the last year to have found a few other couples close to home in different stages of the adoption process to share our experiences with.

FLOOD!

2010-09-30T11:08:00.002-04:00

Oh my! When I awoke this morning, Hunter informed me that we had 6 inches of rain since midnight last night. 6 INCHES! I could barely get to work this morning. One friend on Facebook joked that there was a small craft advisory in effect for the road she takes to work. Another said she was trying to discourage her kids from going kayaking down their driveway.

Currently, it is raining unbelievably hard. This is supposed to be the remnants of former Tropical Storm Nicole which brushed by Florida yesterday. The rain is a hassle, but it is badly needed. I'm just glad we are not experiencing Tropical Storm force winds. We just got word that they are closing some of the roads out there. Wonder if I'll be able to get home this evening. Hope everybody out there stays safe.

Hanging on to Summer

2010-08-31T14:28:00.003-04:00

I promise some new posts soon. I've just been busy trying to squeeze everything I can out of the last of summertime. Had our first real camping trip two weekends ago in Virginia Beach. Boy, was that an experience. But not so bad that we're not ready to go again this weekend. Our plan is to camp on the Eastern Shore near Cape Charles, Virginia. But, alas, that's gonna depend a lot on Earl and his girlfriend, Fiona.

Looks like we will have to drag 15 dock pilons to higher ground tonight. This is the result of our dock not being complete yet. If they stay where they are, they will just float away when the waters rise over the dock like they do when we have this kind of storm. Then tomorrow we have to take the speed boat out of the water and make provisions for the Boston Whaler and wooden skiff my Dad has decided will live at our house from now on. All that to accomplish before Thursday, and even then we won't know if it will be okay to travel 3 hours to get to the campground on Saturday. By the way, if they have to evacuate the Outer Banks of North Carolina and the Tidewater region of Virginia, we basically would be like salmon swimming upstream trying to get there. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it all.

Update: Mission accomplished for tonight.

Tomorrow night we deal with these.

My uncle who is a meteorological genius told me that a sure sign that a bad storm is coming is if it got real still and calm before. The water was so still tonight as seen in the pictures. And there was not a breath of air out there tonight. Stay tuned...

Save the Stack update

2010-08-15T00:38:00.001-04:00

We have had some much needed rain in the last 2 weeks. And also some nasty thunderstorms. Not unusual for this time of year. However, lightening has struck the stack in Reedville a couple of times. Hunter and I were out in the boat last Sunday and I was able to see the damage for myself and take this picture. There is a benefit concert this weekend going on called Woodstack. Hope lots of people will turn out to support saving this landmark. It really needs it now more than ever!

Start spreading the news

2010-08-09T18:46:00.003-04:00

I never thought that spreading the word about our adoption plans would be so difficult. Our adoption attorney told us that we needed to constantly talk to others about adoption in order to keep it in the forefront of people's minds. She said just bring it up every time you meet someone. She even suggested that we send out mass emails every 3 months and a post card mailing every 6 months. I thought to myself at the time, that's a little excessive. But this weekend proved me wrong.

We went to Hunter's high school reunion. We did not attend the same high school. But it was a multi-year reunion and I actually did know a few people there. We just got these snazzy new adoption pass along cards and this event was our chance to start using them. It's a good thing, too. We were both shocked that barely any of the people we knew actually knew anything about our plan to adopt. We happen to live in a small town where it seems like everybody knows everybody else's business. But, apparently, not ours.

One friend asked me how our kids were. I looked at her in shock and said, "We don't have any children." Her turn to be shocked. She said she could have sworn that we did. Embarrassing little moment. But it did allow me to press some cards into her hand and tell her all about adoption. This was pretty much how the evening went. Then there was a friend of ours whom we see on a fairly regular basis. When I brought out the cards to distribute to our group of friends, she said (and I am not making this up) "I thought you all had just given up" WTF!!!

So guess who is spending this week preparing another mass email and working on address labels. In an earlier post I complained that this whole process is like walking through a maze with a blindfold on. Well, here is just another example. You'd think I would be getting the hang of it by now.

Breathing Easy Again

2010-08-05T15:43:00.003-04:00

Declining the birth mother match in June left me with a lot of mixed emotions, obviously. Afterwards I still felt sadness for the couple involved and anger towards the agency. But then came this overwhelming feeling of, "Oh God, we're never going to find a match ever again!". Sure enough, some leads came in through our lawyer. They sounded like some pretty good adoption placements. But always there would be one thing or another that would disqualify us. One placement sounded so wonderful, I thought of asking Hunter if he would convert to Judaism. No, no - I'm only joking. But it did sound that good.

At least my sense of humor is coming back.

Anyway, last night I woke suddenly at 2am. Not being able to go back to sleep, I started up the old laptop. There wasn't much going on at Facebook that time of night. So I caught up on my blogging buddies recent entries. Then something made me check my email. Something caught my eye...

Could that be a message from the lawyer? Yes, it was indeed. I held my breath as I opened and read it. Birth mother description sounded good. I continued to read, there had to be a catch. I read the part stating what kind of couple the birth mother was interested in. Sounded really good. I read it again. Surely I was missing something, the one thing that would knock us out of the running. But no, we fit every category. I didn't waste any time and didn't even bother to wake Hunter. I fired off an email to the lawyer telling her we were interested.

Big sigh of relief. I know it's a long shot. But reading that email brought back my faith that another match was possible. Fingers crossed. Here we go!

Open Adoption Roundtable #18

2010-08-01T03:10:00.011-04:00

The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--feel free to adapt or expand on them.

Publish your response--linking back here so your readers can browse other participating blogs--and leave a link to your post in the comments. Using a previously published post is perfectly fine; I'd appreciate it if you'd add a link back to the roundtable. If you don't blog, you can always leave your thoughts directly in the comments.

We each interacted with at least one professional during the adoption process (agency, lawyer, facilitator, consultant, hospital social worker, etc.). What was one thing that they did that was most supportive of open adoption? What one thing was least supportive?

I have taken quite a break from blogging about our adoption journey. I needed it. We had a very dramatic experience in June in which we were chosen by a birth family. Sadly, we turned it down. I have a lot of regrets about it and I didn't know how to write about our experience for the longest time. And then I saw this topic for Open Adoption Roundtable. I guess this is not specifically about open adoption since we never made it that far in our failed match. But hopefully our experience can help someone out there.

When we started this journey, I was under the impression all adoption professionals were like our agency's social worker. She conducted our home study in such a professional and caring manner. We had to answer a lot of very personal questions. She never judged. When we were stumped for answers, she would explain the significance of the question which would help us give our answers. I know she was a busy person, but she always made us feel like we were the most important people she was talking to that day.

In June, we inquired about an online posting for a birth mother listing. I emailed our info on a Sunday and was contacted almost immediately. We had not heard of the agency, but everything looked on the up and up. We were told they would "present" us to the birth parents that afternoon and we would have a phone interview that evening. We were very nervous during the phone call but answered the questions from the birth parents as best we could. As soon as we hung up, the agency representative called us back. She started pressing us to see how we thought it went, etc. Then the other social worker called to ask us to email her some pics so the couple could see them. What happened to them presenting us to the couple??? We have the blog, etc. Anyway, I was in the middle of sending pics when I got an email that the couple had chosen us. This was within one hour of the phone call. We were a little taken aback. We asked the agency if they could give us an idea how the couple could have chosen us so quickly without even seeing pics of us. (The couple had admitted on the phone that they didn't know a thing about us.) We were given the stock answer that one never knew why birth parents picked an adoptive couple and let's talk in the morning. It was after 10pm at that point.

So began a week long struggle with the agency. They pressed us for a yes or no the very next day. The couple needed financial help immediately. We were not able to make such a life altering decision within 24 hours so we said no to the match to allow the couple to pursue other avenues. The agency reps kept at us insisting we were the ones the birth parents wanted. They would work with us, we were told. Well, "working" with us was just asking for money immediately. We were very sympathetic to the couple's plight. But, not prepared to make a decision within a few hours time, we declined again.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. I won't go into further detail except to say I felt like I was driven through an emotional minefield. The agency's social worker pushed and pushed. She was not unkind, just pushy. And in my opinion resorted to nothing short of emotional blackmail describing the couple's financial predicament. I left work one day in uncontrollable tears. I felt so bad for the couple's situation. But at that point, we really needed more time to make our decision. We asked to have until the following Monday to give our decision. We were only granted this time to think because we offered to pay for a hotel room for the couple. In the end, we consulted our adoption lawyer and our adoption agency rep. We talked to our family and friends and another couple who had adopted twice. Every time we described what we were going through, it just felt wrong. Not because of the birth parents, but because of the agency staff.

In the end, we declined a third time. In my email to explain our decision (I didn't trust myself to remain composed over the phone), I offered that perhaps their methods were not what we were used to. I got the most scathing email back. We were accused of being scared and because of our indecision, this couple had lost precious time in finding an adoptive family for their child. I can't even record how nasty and in my opinion, unprofessional, this email was. I truly believe this agency was legitimate. I truly believe this couple had a real need. I just was just so shocked at how we were treated by the agency upon giving our final decision.

Perhaps the social worker was right. We were scared to make such a quick decision. We even told the agency that this was the first time we had been chosen as prospective adoptive parents and that making such a quick decision was so unsettling. But I don't think we deserved to get dressed down like we were in that final email.

It's taken me some time to wrap my head around it all. I do not feel it was a wasted experience. We learned a lot about ourselves and now know we need to prepare ourselves better for the next possible adoption opportunity. I said before that I did not know how to write about this experience. But in reality, I have hesitated because I am scared the agency is monitoring this blog for my negative reaction. While I disapprove of their methods, I do not hold a personal grudge. I understand their need to protect the couple and their needs. I publish this post, not out of spite, but hoping it will help other couples hoping to adopt.

First time tubing trip (and I am showing my age)

2010-07-12T22:36:00.008-04:00

We had a fabulous weekend! We went tubing on the James River up in Scottsville, Virginia just outside of Charlottesville. My cousin set the whole thing up. She has a group of friends who go every year. It was ten of us and 4 coolers all floating lazily down the river for about 5 hours. It looked like a pretty busy Saturday to me. We stopped at a beach for lunch about halfway down. It was like I was back in college. Co-eds and liquor everywhere. It was like one giant Frat party (I know from memory of what I speak). Anyway, the weather was good despite some rain in the morning. The company was terrific. We met some really fun people. Didn't get any pics of the tubing since I didn't have a waterproof camera.

But some of us camped out afterwards. It was "primitive" camping. Our new luxurious digs are at the left.

There were only porta-potties, no bath house. Not even a sink to brush your teeth. But we didn't get off the river until 6pm. So after setting up the tents and cooking dinner, it only left a little time to settle in for the evening. Here is my cousin cooking a delightful suupper for us. We had s'mores for desert.

I awoke Sunday morning to the sounds of the co-eds noisely packing up at 7 damn 30 in the morning. And that was after drinking their way down the river and then spending the rest of the evening playing volleyball. Apparently, they had bigger and better things to get to later on Sunday. I, however, was in need of a big old nap!

Heat Wave

2010-07-08T22:30:00.008-04:00

What makes a 90 degree day seem like bliss? 2 days of enduring temps of 100+. What crazy weather this year. I swore last winter I would not complain about the heat this summer. I was looking forward to a nice and mild Spring and early Summer. But it went from cold to hot with very little in between. What is it? El Nino or something?

At least we had a break this weekend and it was great. Here are a few pics from the big Independence Day weekend.

Picture of the Stack just before the fireworks. The blue boat in the background is a boat my Dad used to work on.

5K runners heading to my Uncle's boat for fishing trip/lunch cruise

Our destination. The 5k race and the cruise start at the same time. Thus the need for a shuttle.

The parade

My silly nephew enjoying cake and ice cream

His picture of me. We egg each other on all the time.

The break in the heat made it possible for us all to have a fantastic weekend. Now we are waiting for another break from the 100 degree weather. Hunter and I have been invited to go Tubing and Camping out near Charlottesville this weekend. We got a new tent and we are looking forward to a new adventure!

Independance Day

2010-07-01T22:12:00.009-04:00

It's here. The best weekend of the year! 5K run, deviled eggs, fishing trip, parade, fireworks and best of all, family and friends to spend it with. Oh how I love 4th of July weekend!

The Great Camping Experiment-continued

2010-06-22T23:00:00.005-04:00

We had a good night camping in the backyard. They were calling for a very hot day. But by the time we got out to the tent, it was comfortable. We had our little fan going. The air mattress was just right. So off to sleep we went. Around 3am I heard a little scratching noise at the backside of the tent. I said, "What's that?". Hunter mumbled, "I don't know". Silence followed and then I heard it again. "What's that?", I asked again. Hunter mumbled, "I don't know". Then I heard a faint "Meow". It was our cat, Sassy (short for Sassafras). She's is our night patrol. She is out all night and sleeps all day. I think she was highly confused as to why the folks were sleeping in this contraption outside. But she joined us for awhile and then went back on patrol.

We woke up about 8:30am. It was already starting to get hot. So I grabbed a little more sleep indoors. Overall, not a bad experience. I think I can do it for 1 or 2 nights at a time. We left the tent up. But sometime this evening one of the supporting rods snapped. So, it looks like we will be taking the tent back for a replacement.

It occurs to me that I should do a little tribute to our kitty. She gives us so much joy. Hunter had always been a dog person before we got married. So he sort of "adopted" Sassy. It was a little rough in the beginning, but he loves her so much. They have their morning ritual and their favorite pastime is Hop on Pop where they snuggle up together in his La-Z-Boy recliner.

Not sure about our future camping excursions at this point. To be continued...

The Great Camping Experiment

2010-06-19T16:39:00.003-04:00

Last weekend we invested in some camping basics. A tent, an air mattress, a lantern and a fan. Our intention yesterday was to spend the night under the stars since it was a pretty mild day temperature wise. Well first, we decided to do a 3 mile run since the Firecracker 5K is coming up. That went pretty well. Then my task was to cook dinner while Hunter baited his crab pots. By that time it was 8 o'clock. He started putting up the tent as I grilled and got dinner ready. It took about an hour to get the thing up. We decided to break for dinner at 9pm. We still hadn't inflated the air mattress, and there was no way I was sleeping on that hard ground. Needless to say, we both fell asleep indoors after dinner. So we inflated the mattress this morning with the plan to sleep in the tent tonight. To be continued...

Loving Summertime

2010-06-15T23:19:00.008-04:00

Summer is progressing quickly as usual. The annual 4th of July extravaganza weekend will be here in less than 2 weeks. Looks like we're going to do the 5K race again this year. We haven't been training as much as last year. But we did 2 miles tonight with positive results.

Oh and we have decided to try camping. We bought a tent and air mattress this weekend. We are going to try it out one of the next few weekends. We have our eye out for a Virginia Beach weekend. Hunter has never done any camping. We used to go once or twice a year when I was growing up and I also did a couple of years at the local Girl Scout Camp. I was telling Hunter stories about camping this weekend. I got laughing because they all seem to end with me saying, "And I was so miserable, I slept in the car"!! What am I thinking??

The Year of Giving-Save the Stack

2010-06-03T23:44:00.010-04:00

Paris has the Eiffel Tower. London has Big Ben. New York has the Statue of Liberty. My hometown has "The Stack".

It's hard to describe where I grew up. Well, I never had any trouble until I left and went to college. Being from small town Virginia, people in New Orleans would ask, "Where are you from?". I would always just say Virginia and no one would ever ask anything else.

My brother has the best explanation for where our town is. He says it's where the Potomac River meets the Chesapeake Bay. He tried this on a Navy Admiral one time in Hong Kong. The Admiral surmised from that description that he was from the Eastern Shore. My brother just smiled and nodded. Who was he to correct an Admiral?

The truth of it is, I am from Reedville, Virginia. You can Google it and get an idea what I mean. It is a place I loved as a child, was bitter about when I was a teenager and now think is one of the greatest places on earth.

Reedville when I was growing up, was essentially a fishing village. My family's income, like so many others, came from commercial fishing, crabbing or oystering (or all three). When I was a kid the creeks were full of remnants of the old fishing factories of the early 1900's. There were old docks and abandoned wooden boats. Those were mostly cleaned up in the 1970s. The one thing that remains from that era is "the Stack".

The Stack is 130-foot-tall and is in bad shape. There is a $250,000 campaign to save it. It has a 4-degree lean which needs to be addressed before any restoration can be done. The stack doesn't serve a purpose today, it just stands as a symbol of a time gone by and a time that is going to come to an end one of these days. That is why I am contrbuting to "Save the Stack".

Peanut Butter and Bananas

2010-06-02T22:14:00.003-04:00

Please visit my friend's blog "Peanut Butter and Bananas". She just started her blog a couple of weeks ago. She has lots of great tips on eating healthy along with anecdotes about everyday life. I have known this young lady since she was born. I used to babysit her and her sister. She has a fantastic outlook on life and I'm so glad to have her as a blogging buddy!

To Heck with the Lemons. I Need Limes.

2010-05-28T21:54:00.010-04:00

Our power came back on between 11pm and midnight last night. It turns out there was a terrible explosion at one of the substations. They were able to re-route some of the power lines to get every body's electricity back on. Everything was back to normal by this morning.

Except this is a holiday weekend. We live in a place that people are drawn to in the summer months. It is very popular with retirees from Northern Virginia and Richmond. It also attracts people who can afford vacation homes. This is a phenomenon that started in the late 1980's and continued in the early 1990's when I was actually living in Richmond. So we are slowly becoming one of those resort towns that have a population surge during the summer months. Today the traffic in town where I work was awful between 3pm and 5:30pm.

All I wanted when I got home was a Margarita and to sit on our deck and relax. I needed to pick up 2 things on the way home. Margarita mix and limes. We have 2 Supermarkets in town. The first had NO LIMES AND NO MARGARITA MIX. So off I go to the other store. Found limes but no Margarita mix. I had to improvise and buy some Margarita flavored drinks to mix a drink.

Anyhow, it's the beginning of the summer season. Traffic is busier. Restaurants will be crowded. The river will be noisy with motor boats and jet skis. And Margarita mix will be in short supply. Oh well, I will start to stock up in June in preparation for 4th of July celebrations.

This holiday is thanks to all the men and women who gave their lives in combat for our country. Please remember all the military men and women currently risking their lives for our freedom. I really shouldn't be bitching about limes and margarita mix!

Lemons and Lemonade

2010-05-27T20:46:00.002-04:00

We are currently without electricity. It went out around 6:30pm tonight. Tried to call Hunter on his cell phone. He works for the local electric cooperative and I thought he might know what was going on. He did not. Turns out it is a region wide outage. Friends and family all called here wanting to know if we knew any scoops on when it would be back on. We haven't a clue.

Luckily, I had decided early today that I didn't feel like cooking tonight. Sometimes when the weather is warm I like to do a little antipasto platter for us. So I picked up the ingredients on the way home. I was able to blanch some tender asparagus from the garden and mixed them with a little olive oil and balsamic vinegar before the power went off. So when Hunter got home, we dined al fresco on the deck. The heat of the day gave way to a nice spring breeze. We sat enjoying our simple meal while watching the sunset. A very Mediterranean style dinner, if you will.

Now I'm sitting here listening to the sounds of generators up and down our neighborhood. We had Hurricane Isabel go through in 2003. Power was out for some people for 2 weeks plus. That was after an ice storm spoiled Christmas in 1998. Again, people were out for weeks. So now, anybody who can afford it has a generator. We actually bought one with a push start after Isabel. When things like this happen, Hunter is usually pressed into service by the electric co-op, so I am by myself. There was no way I could start our other one which you had to pull on like a push mower or an outboard motor.

Hunter just got a call from his boss. Turns out a substation had an explosion and there are around 12,000 people without power. Sounds bad, but they think they might have it under control by 10 or 11pm. Of course there's more to it than that. But when he starts talking about substations and such, it all sounds like the teacher from the Charlie Brown specials to me. "Bwahh wah wahh wahh. Bwah wahh wonh wahh wahh." I think some wine is in order for the rest of the evening.

Family Time

2010-05-18T00:35:00.004-04:00

We are currently on vacation with my parents and my brother's family in Orlando. My nephew turned 6 today. We celebrated by spending the day at Disney's Magic Kingdom. This is my first visit since 1978. Epcot was just in the planning stages back then. Boy, it's a lot different than I remember. And very crowded today. In the morning we managed Pirates of the Caribbean, the Jungle cruise and the Haunted Mansion. Those were my favorites from back then. We took a break and then went back tonight. It worked out that by the time we made it over to the Dumbo ride, the fireworks were in full swing. So my nephew got to end his 6th birthday celebration riding Dumbo with the sounds and sights of the fireworks going off all around us. A truly magical day!

One Year

2010-05-13T13:05:00.004-04:00

I just realized that today marks the one year anniversary of the acceptance of our home study and the day we became "a waiting family". Last year I wondered what it would be like - the waiting. Even though I had no idea what to expect from this waiting period, I think my expectations were reasonable. I certainly didn't think we'd have a child by the end of last summer or not even before the end of the year. But I did not expect after one full year that we would still just be waiting. I thought something, anything would have happened by now. But, nothing. Nothing at all.

I'm not going to get all down on myself. Looking back I realize how little I understood the adoption process a year ago. For about 2 years before we took the plunge, I read everything about adoption. I asked people we knew who had adopted. I thought I was pretty adoption savvy. Now I realize I didn't know squat.

Our social worker turned me on to the blogger world. She suggested it as a way to network for our adoption. I don't know if this little bit of blogging is really doing us any good. But I am thankful to have found all the adoption bloggers I currently read. And I find new ones everyday. They are people from all sides of adoption and they are the ones who have really taught me what I now know about adoption today. The kind of things you can't learn from a book. They have shared real life experiences, the good and the bad and the ones they are still trying to figure out for themselves. Situations that I never would have dreamed about. Most of all, they opened our eyes to open adoption. Last month we sat down with our social worker in order to change our home study to include open adoption situations. So I thank you, adoption bloggers, for taking the time to document your journeys and for giving me encouragement.

I have also recently been branching out and visiting other blogs. I think it started with a few blogs which featured gardening and from there to blogs about travelling - two of my favorite pastimes. I've also started to read another bunch that fascinate me so much. The expats. It's amazing that they are so brave to pick up and live in a foreign country. It is something I dreamed of when I was younger, but never had the nerve to do. All of these blogs provide such interesting reading. Looking at gardens and listening to tales of travel is a great way to keep my mind occupied during this waiting period. So I thank those bloggers, too.

And so now, with a year behind us, I will take all that I have learned and look forward. As Scarlett says, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:04:00.006-04:00

I've been having a little pity party today. Got up this morning and checked out Facebook. Everyone seemed to be wishing Happy Mother's Day. Post after post, "Happy Mother's Day". I finally had to just get off the computer. It's hard to go another year still be waiting.

Then I decided, no more belly aching. I'm gonna celebrate what I do have. And that is 2 great mothers. We took both sets of parents to brunch today and had a great time. So here is a tribute to my 2 mothers.

My mother is amazing. She was the oldest and the only sister of 5 siblings. She married at the age of 19 and had me and my brother before she was 21. She was a stay at home mom until my brother and I were teenagers. Then she went back to school and became a registered nurse. She has worked at the local hospital for over 25 years. She is one of the funniest people I know. We have had our trials over the years, but I swear, if I could go back and hand pick my mother knowing what I know now, I would pick her every time.

And then there is my mother-in-law. She is such a kind person. Hunter gets his sunny disposition from her. They have the same laugh. She never stops moving. She has a wonderful, encouraging personality. She is semi-retired from her teacher's assistant job. She is the glue of our family life. She fought breast cancer and won. She has taught me to can vegetables and she turns our apples and pears into applesauce and jam. I am so fortunate to have such a lovely mother-in-law.

So another year passes. I hope that I will one day live up to these two wonderful mothers. Happy Mother's Day!

Gulf Coast Oil Spill

2010-05-08T11:08:00.002-04:00

My Dad made a living fishing on commercial menhaden boats in the Gulf of Mexico years ago when I was in high school and college. It's not uncommon for men in this part of Virginia to go south and fish at the plants based in Louisiana. I have many friends and family whose livelihoods depend on a good fishing season down in the Gulf. My thoughts and prayers go out to them. An old friend of mine who is a captain of a Menhaden boat (also known as Pogey boats) was interviewed for this clip.

Sandra Bullock adopts. What a Blind Side

2010-04-28T12:10:00.004-04:00

Back in March, before the whole Jesse James affair circus, Sandra Bullock had this to say upon winning the Oscar for her role in "The Blind Side".

I would like to thank what this film is about for me which are the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from. Those moms and parents never get thanked. I, in particular, failed to thank one. So… if I can take this moment to thank Helga B. for not letting me ride in cars with boys until I was 18 because she was right. I would’ve done what she said I was gonna do. For making me practice every day when I got home. Piano, ballet, whatever it is I wanted to be. She said to be an artist, you had to practice every day, and for reminding her daughters that there’s no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We are all deserving of love.

I was really moved by those words. And now they have even more weight in their meaning for her personally. Although the world didn't know it yet, she had become a mother herself. It was announced in a cover story for People magazine that in January, she and her husband had brought home a baby boy from New Orleans after beginning adoption proceedings four years ago.

Really? Four years ago? I haven't seen the full article, but I hope there is some elaboration on that. Most times we see celebrities just turn up with babies. They have the cash to pay a high-powered adoption attorney to match them with the child of their dreams. The rest of us can't afford that kind of adoption. So we wait. And wait...

I would seriously like for someone like Sandra Bullock to share her adoption experience with the rest of the world. Of course, right now she would probably like as much privacy as possible during what I'm sure is a painful time for all involved (including her husband's children). There is going to be an awful lot to sort out there and the well being of all the children should be priority number one.

But maybe, one day she'll sit down and tell the world just what took four years. Those of us who have adopted or are waiting to adopt know just what takes so long. Wouldn't it be great to hear from someone like Sandra what it is like to wait so long to become a parent? Nia Vardalos spoke recently about the difficult maze of domestic adoption she and her husband experienced. What an awesome team she and Sandra would make as advocates for adoption.

The Year of Giving-continued

2010-04-17T11:32:00.012-04:00

Does our contribution to the federal government this month count? Just kidding.

No, this month I am contributing to a cause very close to home. This week local PBS stations will debut a documentary called "The Last Boat Out". The production highlights the ongoing struggle of watermen on the Chesapeake Bay. My father was interviewed for this piece and is featured in the opening clip which can be viewed by clicking on the link above. He is the gentleman in red suspenders who says, "Water quality is going to be everybody's job".

There is a review of the film here. If I can boast a little, here is a quote about my Dad - "One of the film’s most colorful characters is Dudley Biddlecomb, an elderly, suspendered former watermen who now spends his days teaching people how to farm oysters. (I personally could have watched an entire film about Dudley.)"

Watermen in this part of the world have been targeted by various groups such as Greenpeace as being the reason the Bay is full of pollution. This documentary sheds light on another possible cause for pollution of the Bay. The over development of waterfront property. The creator of the documentary grew up much like I did. Her family made a living off of fishing, crabbing and oystering on the Bay. I haven't seen the finished product yet as it will air on Maryland Public Television and in Hampton Roads this week. My Dad attended a viewing of the documentary in Yorktown a few weeks ago. And it turns out that actor Sam Waterston of "Law and Order" fame, asked to narrate the documentary after he found out about it. As I said, it airs this week on Maryland Public Television, but may be seen throughout the country later. So check it out if you can. Contributions to the production can be made here.

The Year of Giving-continued

2010-03-31T20:19:00.002-04:00

This month I decided to give locally. One of my cousins posted a link on her Facebook page about contributing to the cause of a young girl in our community who has Dravet Syndrome. I had read about Haley and her family in the local paper a few times. She has been through a lot in her short life as is chronicled at Haley is my Hero.

Haley's mom used to teach the most excellent kick boxing cardio classes at our local gym. She had to give that up when she became pregnant with Haley's twin brothers. I did not realize what the family was going through until her mother contributed a series of articles about Haley's condition in the local paper.

Dravet Syndrome is a rare disorder which causes epileptic type seizures in young children. In Haley's case, it began when she was 5 months old. However she was not properly diagnosed with the disorder until she was 7 years old. The website has a wealth of information on her story. Her family, through the International Dravet syndrome and Epilepsy Action League (IDEA League) are doing everything they can to educate the public about this disorder as the drugs used to treat this rare condition are not readily available in the United States.

Please take a moment to visit the website and read Haley's story. Despite her condition, this little girl remains happy and loving and displays a positive attitude towards life. I think her whole family are amazing and I wish I could do more to support them in what has got to be an overwhelming and challenging time in their lives.

PMA Recharged!

2010-03-26T10:25:00.013-04:00

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. "
~ W. W. Ziege

I didn't realize it until yesterday, but I have really been in a funk for about the last 6 weeks. I guess it started with this, Pity Party. That phone conversation basically made me feel like we were on the road to nowhere with regards to our adoption. Add to that the lousy, no, brutal winter weather we've been experiencing on the east coast, well you can kind of see what it would do to a person.

It all came to a head this past weekend. On Sunday I had a brainstorm. Why not try calling an adoption attorney? We were set to have an early meeting with our social worker on Thursday which meant we could fit in another meeting later that day. So I emailed the attorney that had been most recommended to us. I did not expect an answer until Monday, but she actually emailed me back that afternoon saying she could meet us. I suggested a meeting time and waited to hear back. Just before bed I got her reply. The time was fine for her and she followed up with what the consultation would cover. And, oh, her fee was $325!

Well, I guess that was the proverbial last straw. I lost it and weeks of frustration and disappointment came spilling out in uncontrollable tears. I basically cried myself to sleep. And things didn't get much better the next morning when my co-worker had an adoption tip for me. God bless her. She was only trying to help, but was unaware of my breakdown the night before. More tears, I'm afraid.

Nevertheless, Hunter said to go ahead with the appointment. I spent the next few days worrying excessively. Would this be worth the money? Or would she just tell me what I already knew? I even emailed my fellow blogger, Julie at A Family is Born, to see who they were using. It was the same lawyer and she assured me that she definitely recommended her. That helped me relax a bit.

Thursday came. It was a gorgeous day. Sunny and warm with all the Springtime flowers in bloom. We had a 9am meeting with our social worker. I was trying to keep an open mind but our last conversation and how it made me feel is what I opened with. I could hardly keep my voice from cracking while I was trying to be diplomatic about my feelings. To her credit, I felt she handled everything very well. We spent about an hour hashing things out. We did discover that we probably needed to make an addendum to our home study pertaining to our increasingly positive feelings for an open adoption. Overall, it was a good meeting. I left with more positive feelings than negative.

Then it was on to the meeting with the attorney. Now, Hunter and I have NEVER had to consult a lawyer about anything in our lives. So this was pretty intimidating. Luckily, the attorney was anything but intimidating.

After the introductions and niceties, she hit the floor running with her presentation. We found her very likable and a wealth of information. It is obvious she has spent years building contacts within the adoption world. We discussed networking strategies. Some I had thought of. Some I had not. She showed us examples of parent profiles, some good and some not so good. She did it all with a positive attitude with some humor thrown in. At the same time she was honest with us emphasizing that we had a lot of work ahead of us. She said some of her clients treat their adoption search like a part-time job. We should have been overwhelmed by that statement, but we were not. Her main point was that anyone hoping to adopt should be openly pursuing every possible avenue to make a match. We agreed to take her on as our attorney and we left the meeting full of optimism.

Do I think she is a miracle worker? No. Do I think she is a woman with a plan? Definitely. Industrious is the word Hunter used to describe her. So with two great meetings under our belt on a beautiful spring day, here we go! No looking back at what has passed. Just PMA!!

Goodbye Winter.

2010-03-19T21:22:00.004-04:00

It has been one of the coldest, snowiest winters we have seen in Virginia in over 20 years. I am glad to say goodbye tomorrow. We usually have cold snaps lasting 3-4 days at a time followed by temps in the 50s. And we might have a slight snow shower of 3-4 inches once or twice during the winter. This winter, the snow started before Christmas. We had 14 inches on January 30th as seen below.

We had three other major "snow events" throughout February dumping another 10 inches or so. Our creek stayed frozen for 2 months straight. We had to halt construction on our dock and boathouse.

And then two weeks ago the temps finally got above 45 degrees during the day. Hello Spring!

Adoption Politics

2010-03-12T22:39:00.015-05:00

When I was growing up in the 1970s, my Mom and her friends decided to join the local chapter of the Republican Women's Club. My Mom was 19 when she married and she, like her friends, was a stay at home mom. I don't think they really had any political leanings. I think they were looking to get a little "me" time while the kids were in school and this was an attractive outlet. My Dad was supportive of her involvement, but also teased my Mom saying she barely knew a Republican from Democrat.

My Mom and her friends stuck with the club for a number of years. It turned out to be more than just Tea Partys and fund raising events. My Mom was a delegate at several conventions to nominate candidates for state elections. She would go to the conventions and come home and tell me and my brother about her experiences. She actually met Elizabeth Taylor once when she was married to and campaigning for John Warner. She also worked as a campaign volunteer for a state senator and helped manage the campaign for a local board of supervisors candidate.

Through her experiences, my brother and I learned a lot about politics and how our government works. I believe the right to vote is so important to our democracy. I have voted in every election since I was 18 years old. As I get older, I hate political parties and I make a point of voting for the candidate, not his or her party.

Why am I going on about this on an adoption blog? In the last month I have been encouraged to contact my representatives on 2 issues. One was for tax exemptions for fraternity and sorority housing improvements. I wrote to both Virgina Senators and heard back via a form letter from both within a weeks time. One said he is sponsoring the bill. The other said he would consider sponsoring the bill. Yay, democracy in action!

The other issue was about the Adoption Tax Credit legislation which is set to expire December 2010. Currently there is a tax credit for adoptive families. They may claim up to $12,000 dollars on their tax return for adoption expenses. A typical adoption costs between $15,000 to $50,000. For most families, including us, it really makes a difference. I recently contacted my Virginia representatives via email about this issue. Unlike the bill for collegiate housing, I have heard nothing.

This is the first time in my adult life that I have taken the time to contact my representatives. When I wrote to them about the adoption tax credit, I really didn't know how it all worked. I didn't expect a response. But now, after hearing back from both Senators in less than a week about the collegiate housing tax exemption it makes me think. And it makes me mad. The biggest hurdle for adoptive families is the expense. There are so many children who need homes. Why would the government take away this tax exemption and make it even harder for adoptive families?

If you care about this issue, I invite you to visit this site:

http://adoptiontaxcredit.wetpaint.com/

It is the site that I used to contact my state representatives about this issue. It makes it very easy to find your representatives and send them a message about continuing the adoption tax credit. If adoption is important to you, please take a moment to voice your opinion. Even though I am disappointed by the lack of response, I still think it is important to let your voice be heard.

UPDATE (3/19/10) Well, lo and behold, when I got home there was a message on my answering machine from my Congressman in the US House of Representatives. One of his assistants left a message thanking me for contacting the Congressman about the adoption tax credit bill. She explained that he was already a sponsor of the bill and that he also happened to be an adoptee. OK. Faith in our democracy is now somewhat restored. But then there's that scary Health Bill they seem to want to push through awfully fast. Ah well, I'm not even going to go there ;)

The Year of Learning (about open adoption)

2010-03-03T05:38:00.007-05:00

It was this time last year we started our home study process. I remember setting up the first appointment with our social worker. She said there would be a lot of paperwork to go through for the first meeting. So I didn't stress about the meeting too much.

However once we got there, the "interview" began. She hit us with questions about our infertility struggle on the very first meeting. I wasn't expecting this. It was probably a good thing. I didn't have time to over think it. There were tears. It had been about 2 years since had finished our last Invitro fertilization round(IVF). But, we got through the initial interview and set up our next appointment in which we would be interviewed separately.

That was the one that gave me a headache. The questions delved deeply into our marriage, into our individual upbringings and our relationships with our families. Our social worker was always kind. But it was a very long session and I had to have an aspirin afterwards. We got in the car and I told Hunter how the session had given me a headache. He confessed to the same.

We went on to have the home visit. I swear, by that time I was happy to just clean the house. I thought the meeting would be free of questions. Wrong! But they were mostly about how we would react to certain scenarios concerning an open adoption. I, like most people, was wary of the contact with the birth mother. Then all these situations were presented to us like contact with grandparents or contact with siblings. These were situations I never even contemplated and the thought of it all definitely overwhelmed me. We answered very conservatively about such contacts. After our home study was approved our social worker suggested I start blogging and sent me two examples of adoption blogs.

So I started reading and reading and reading. I was glad to be exposed to people writing about their experiences with adoption. I try to regularly read blogs by people on all sides of the adoption equation. Through reading these experiences, I have learned so much and am now firmly a believer of open adoptions.

What a difference a year makes!

99 Things I Ought To Have Done

2010-02-26T22:10:00.003-05:00

Saw this on

http://weintribe.blogspot.com

Thought it would be fun.

Copy the list, bold the ones you've done (with explanations if needed), share with friends.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Went to Disney World in 1978, going back for the first time since then this spring)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (Looking forward to doing so)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train (The Crescent from Charlottesville to New Orleans)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (ie. Mental Health Day)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (only a 5K so far. Working towards a 1/2 marathon.)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run( does Wii count?)
32. Been on a cruise (5 total)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors( Isle of Wight with my Dad, Aunts, Uncle and cousins)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (My wedding portrait)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Samoas are my favs)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (my left wrist, a metacarpal on my right hand and tore my knee up in a skiing accident)
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car (my first car-Nissan Sentra XE)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (does a soft crab count?)
88. had chickenpox (twice)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (do politicians count? I met John Warner just after he and Elizabeth Taylor divorced)
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby (I wish)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

The Year of Giving-continued

2010-02-20T11:46:00.004-05:00

In honor of the New Orleans Saints winning the Super Bowl, Mardi Gras and the great city of New Orleans, I have decided to donate to the Brees Dream Foundation this month. I received an email from the president of my alma mater, Loyola University New Orleans, announcing that the Saints quarterback, Drew Brees, will be the commencement speaker for the university this May. Here is a little of the announcement.

"Brees dedicated the team’s recent Super Bowl win to the City of New Orleans, his adopted home since 2006, coincidentally, the same year Loyola’s graduating class enrolled in the university. The parallels between the class and Brees don’t end there. Both our graduates and Brees invested themselves in New Orleans when the city was at its lowest point. And both had faith that it would come back stronger than before.

Like our graduating students, Brees made a decision to come to New Orleans four years ago. Through his leadership of the Saints and his work in rebuilding the city, he has been a leader in the renewal of New Orleans just as our students have been leaders in this renewal through their work and volunteer service exemplifying Loyola’s commitment to service, learning, and the City of New Orleans."

After visiting the city back in November for the first time since Katrina, I saw how far the people of New Orleans have come. I also witnessed how much more needs to be done. I wish I was in a position to take a week off from work and go down there to volunteer in the rebuilding that is still going on. But a donation to this organization will have to suffice.

I was able to experience the Mardi Gras season (no, it's not just one day) vicariously through web cams, the media interest in NOLA and my friends pics on Facebook. New Orleans is back, baby! Laissez les bons temps roulez.

Pity Party

2010-02-11T10:43:00.006-05:00

I am in serious need of a giant pep talk this week. My PMA (positive mental attitude) has up and left the building. I'm sure part of the problem is the lousy weather. I am having a hard time being positive about our adoption journey this week.

We've been keeping in touch with the agency once a month by email since going on the waiting list last May. The social worker that did our home study left last July. We did not get a new one until September. We decided we should meet her at some point and decided to give her time to settle in and for the holidays to pass. We were supposed to meet Tuesday after rescheduling due to the weather last Friday. Unfortunately, her son became ill (of which I am totally sympathetic to) and we canceled the meeting again.

She did her very best to be helpful and encouraged me to ask her any questions we had over the phone. Well, I would have preferred if Hunter had been home at the time. But I did have 2 pressing questions so I went ahead and asked. One was about how long our home study was valid. The other had to do with all this networking or "advocating for ourselves" that the agency had so strongly encouraged us to do. I asked what do we do if someone approaches us with a possible adoption.

The answer was given very enthusiastically. We just needed to call the agency. They would give us a list of adoption attorneys to contact to do the legal work. The agency would do the required amount of counseling for the mother. But everything else would be through the lawyer. Oh and don't worry about having to call an attorney, I was told. People get worried about how much it costs to hire a lawyer. But, it was stressed to me, this type of adoption costs less than an agency placement and really is the most common form of adoption today.

I listened in silence absolutely stunned. I was confused, but without Hunter there I did not want to say or hear anymore. I relayed the conversation to him later and he had the same reaction. If finding your own adoption situation is the norm of adoptions today, why on earth are we signed up with an agency? We were led to believe all you had to do was sign up, be patient and the agency will take care of the rest.

We actually went to another agency the very next day. We were going to have a one-on-one session with them to see what other options we might have. I hadn't planned on bringing up our current agency situation, but couldn't help myself. As I explained the conversation my voice rose and my arms flailed as if not connected to my body. "I don't understand" I kept repeating. The nice woman we met with was able to calm me down. She explained that this is the reality of domestic infant adoption today and her reasons made perfect sense. She did explain that some agencies still advertise as doing agency placements as their primary option, but parental placement is now the norm.

She said it was a shame for us to have come this far in the process and only now come to understand. I am glad we went for a second opinion. We probably won't switch agencies. But it is so depressing to know just how much more there is to this process. And nobody can seem to help you. It's like negotiating a maze with a blindfold on. You only figure out you're doing something wrong when you hit a wall. And hitting the wall makes you reluctant to continue for fear of making yet another mistake and wasting more time.

Super Bowl

2010-02-07T11:36:00.004-05:00

Good luck to both teams tonight. But I will be cheering the Saints. They have had a terrific season. They don't even need to win tonight to prove that. It must be crazy in the city today. It is the middle of Mardi Gras. They would have had parades all weekend long. I heard there is no school tomorrow in anticipation of a win. Look out French Quarter! It's gonna be a loonngg night. I don't know all the technical stuff. But what I do know is the Saints have the most devoted fans. This is a crowd gathered at the Moonwalk prior to a game at the Superdome last November. Incredible. Bless you boys!

Groundhog Day

2010-02-06T12:52:00.002-05:00

Groundhog Day was last Tuesday. Today I feel like I might as well be in the movie. Another Saturday, another snow storm! This one is not packing the wallop of the one last weekend. This time last Saturday we had a foot of snow. Today it's more like 2-3 inches. North of us they are not so lucky. My brother reports 20 inches so far. He says it's not much fun when you have a dachsund with only 2 inches of clearance from the ground. Our cat has got cabin fever as well. She has had to rely on the dreaded litter box for a week. That's not much fun for me either. As for Hunter and me, well, it's getting to be a little too much togetherness. To quote Jimmy Buffett - "This morning, I shot six holes im my freezer. I think I got cabin fever. Somebody sound the alarm." I gotta go where it's warm!!!

Happy Birthday, Hunter!

2010-01-30T12:42:00.005-05:00

Today is Hunter's 45th birthday. He spoke to his parents this morning and his mother recalled the day he was born like this.

On a very snowy morning January 30, 1965, Hunter's parents went to their local doctor for a checkup. The doctor turned to them and asked, "Do you have good snow tires on your car?". They said they did and the doctor announced that they should make the 85 mile trip to the hospital in Richmond that very minute. They arrived at the hospital at 11am and Hunter was born at 1:10pm.

We have about 6 inches of snow on the ground today. This is the third snowstorm for us this winter. This is almost unheard of in the eastern part of Virginia. A light dusting of snow, maybe. But the way it is snowing today, we will probably have a foot of snow after it's done. We can't help but laugh at the irony. Hunter's parents said the snow on the day he was born was just like today. What are the odds of it happening exactly 45 years later? Even more ironic? Hunter hates snow! I took this picure today at about 1:10pm. Happy Birthday, H-Bear!!!

The word on Haitian adoption plans

2010-01-22T13:53:00.003-05:00

I received an email from a friend this week checking on how our adoption was going. She also wanted to know if we were going to look into adopting a child from Haiti. Here's what I know about possible Haitian adoption plans. It is from the "AdoptUsKids" website.

Adopting Orphaned Haitian Children
AdoptUsKids has received a number of inquiries from families that are interested in adopting Haitian Earthquake Orphans. At this time, the first priority of government and disaster recovery officials is to address the immediate medical and physical needs of the people affected by the earthquake and assist in the reunion of family members who have been displaced or separated by the disaster. Therefore, it may take a long time before children affected by the disaster may be available for adoption. The U.S. Department of State provides information on the adoption of children affected by natural disasters and conflict on their website at: http://adoption.state.gov/news/Haiti.html. You also can locate contact information for adoption agencies that place children from Haiti through our resource list of U.S. Adoption Agencies That Place Children From Abroad at: http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/country_resource_lists.cfm

I remember after the Tsunami all our friends thought we should try to adopt a child from Thailand. I did look into it and was shocked to be told something very similar as above. I was just beginning research about adoptions and it just didn't make sense. Those children needed homes and there were plenty of willing people to take them into their families. But now, armed with much more knowledge, it makes more sense.

Yes they will need homes. But should they really be yanked away from their own country and everything familiar? Haiti is a poor country for sure. But it has its own culture and national identity like any other country. I think it is important to do all that is possible to keep those recently orphaned children safe and find a way to keep them in their own country. They are, after all, the future of that nation. I have been reading up on the Holt International Blog about their efforts on the ground on behalf of the children and it is truly inspiring.

The Year of Giving-continued

2010-01-17T16:51:00.004-05:00

I decided to give to Oxfam America for the Haiti earthquake relief. Oxfam was one of the organizations I had considered giving to during Christmas. I never did get around to it. So now I am righting that wrong.

If you would like to donate, please go to Oxfam America's website.

Haiti

2010-01-14T16:39:00.003-05:00

What a horrible, horrible tragedy. I haven't had time to watch much of the news coverage of the devastation for the earthquake. But I have been amazed at finding so many ways to give to the earthquake relief. It's unbelievable. You can just text an organization like the American Red Cross and your donation is added to your next cell phone bill. What a fantastic idea!

While looking at NOLA.com, I found a link to a great list of responding agencies and how to donate to them. It includes organizations like the Red Cross, Unicef and Care. But also a variety of religious organizations as well. Here is the link http://www.interaction.org/crisis-list/earthquake-haiti.

So I'm going to put my money where my mouth is with regards to this year's challenge to give and I am going donate to one of these organizations.

The Year of Giving

2010-01-08T14:17:00.005-05:00

Every year I swear I'm going to adopt a Salvation Army Angel Tree child and then I get swept up the holiday frenzy and I forget. Then I feel guilty. Well, this Christmas, I made sure it was the first thing I did. The day after Thanksgiving, I went online and fulfilled an Angel Tree request. I bought a winter coat and an outfit with shoes for a 2 year old living in Southern Maryland. JC Penney had it set up so the purchases would go straight to that Salvation Army location. After that I felt compelled to do one charitable thing every week until Christmas. But, I fell back into my old habits. At least it was a baby step.

For Lent last year, my mom decided instead of giving something up, that she would do something charitable each week until Easter. I thought that was a great idea and it has inspired me in the New Year. While other folks decide to go on a diet or to get a better job or to get organized, I have decided to look outward and not on myself. I have decided that this is the year of giving. I pledge to do a different charitable act every month.

In thinking about the last few years of going through infertility and then the limbo of not knowing what to do next, I realized this has made me focus too much on myself and our problems. Well now I think it is time to adjust my attitude.

So here it goes. For this month I have decided to sign up for Disney's "Give a Day, Get a Day". The closest opportunity to us is for volunteering at a local archaeological excavation site. In college, I came very close to majoring in either history or archaeology, so I thought this was perfect. Hunter likes the idea too. So we're going to do it together. Of course, the other side to this is that we will both receive free tickets to Disney World. This is very nice because my brother and his family are going to Orlando in May to celebrate their 10th anniversary and their son's 6th birthday. And they want me and Hunter and my parents to join them.

So, in giving we will receive. And that is kind of my motivation behind this idea of giving. Maybe through giving, I can refocus on what is important in life and stop being self-obsessed. And maybe, just maybe, I can create some good karma and right the balance in my life. Here's to the Year of Giving!

Baby, it's cold outside

2010-01-02T19:35:00.003-05:00

How cold is it? Well, my husband offered to take me out to dinner tonight and I declined and decided to heat up leftovers instead. Right now it is 25 degrees and the wind is blowing about 25-30mph. 2010 has literally blown in like a lion.

We had a great day with my brother's family. My niece and nephew are just the best kids ever. Really. They were so excited. It was the first time they came to our house since my nephew was a year old. (We usually go to them or meet up at my parents' house.)

My niece found a gag gift I had gotten from a Chinese Christmas get together. It was a singing lobster (Jingle Bell Rock). Well, she decided it was the best thing she ever saw. Even better than the Tinker Bell outfit I got her. Needless to say I made sure it made it in the car with all the other gifts for the ride home. I'm pretty sure my brother and sister-in-law were cussing me all the way home. One of these days they will be able to reciprocate. And all I can say is, after so many years of gift giving as an Auntie, Karma/Payback is gonna be hell!

Wii, Wii, Wii

2009-12-27T14:19:00.004-05:00

This is an official warning. No one should give a 43 year old a Wii for Christmas! Oh, my. I just set ours up yesterday and I am sore as I don't know what. I think it was the baseball that did me in. I was really throwing those speed balls.

Anyway, it's nice to have 2 days off following Christmas. It gives enough time to clean up. We took advantage of the 60 degree temps yesterday to finally take the boat up for the winter. I am now making ham and bean soup with leftovers. I made Hunter take me out last night for a steak dinner.

I have to wash Hunter's tuxedo shirt in preparation for the Holly Ball tomorrow night. That is a charity ball during which young debutantes make their bow. It's old fashioned, I know. But I made my debut 24 years ago and it is a local tradition. It's a chance to dress up and dance the night away. Hope my muscles recover by then. It's definitely a high heel event. Here is a picture of me and Hunter with my cousin, Queen Sarah at the 2005 Holly Ball.

2009-12-26T00:23:00.001-05:00

This is my favorite picture of Christmas day. These are the little guys who were bouncing off the walls on Christmas Eve. They are waiting for their Dad to bring more gas. We had a fabulous, but tiring day. Thank goodness it only comes once a year .

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T12:16:00.006-05:00

Well, I'm just waiting for work to wind down so I can face the last minute rush. My co-worker, who happens to be married to my cousin, has her three boys in the office today since they didn't have school. They are 7, 5 and 4 years old. So as you can imagine, they are bouncing off the walls. But it is fun to watch them. We have been tracking Santa on the NORAD site. It's been quiet at work, except for the boys that is. We have had to use the old, "Behave or Santa won't come" threat. But honestly, that never worked when I was a kid, and it still doesn't. So, God Bless their parents tonight.

Anyway, I'm doing great this year. The next 48 hours will be very busy and I am usually busy every night during the following week with parties or dinners. So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!

2009-12-20T23:31:00.007-05:00

I have debated back and forth whether to post this. I intended this blog to be a record of our adoption journey. Well, something happened this week. It is a part of our journey, so here goes.

On last Monday I was experiencing a very heavy period. Prior to that I had been spotting almost everyday for 2 weeks. My co-worker told me I should definitely get checked out. "You know what it might be" she said. "Cancer?" I replied. "No, a botched pregnancy" she said. "Yeah, right," I said. But I went ahead and scheduled my fist gynecological exam since we did the IVF back in 2006. Very irresponsible of me, but that's how it goes.

Before the IVF, I was going to an all woman practice in Williamsburg. I didn't have time to schedule an appointment with them. However, we now have a female gynecologist locally and I decided to check her out. My mom is an ER nurse and she gave her two thumbs up. So last Wednesday I went. When I finally saw the doctor, we discussed my problem. I also shared that we had undergone fertility treatments and were on the path to adoption. She's a wonderful doctor. She explained that she would take a endometrial biopsy, a blood sample to test my hormones and I would need to come back for an ultrasound once my period was done to check for fibroids. By the way, they would automatically test for pregnancy even though we both knew it would be negative.

After being out of the office briefly on Thursday, my co-worker said, "Your doctor wants you to call her on her cell phone." What? So as I dialed the number, all I could think was "Cancer". I made myself sit down while the phone rang. The doctor picked up and thus began to explain that while my biopsy results were not in yet, my bloodwork was. She said my hormones looked good. Thyroid was fine. "But, are you sitting down?" she asked. Well, yes actually I was. "Your pregnancy test came back positive."

The ground could have opened up and swallowed me whole. Scrape me off the floor, etc. etc. I hung up the phone and laid my head on my desk and just started crying. My co-worker asked, "Are you ok?". I said, I'm not dying. She asked, Is it the other thing? I said one way or the other. She said don't be sad, if it happened once, it could happen again. I heard what she was saying, but couldn't explain what I was really crying about. For probably the one time in my life, someone actually said to me- "Your pregnancy test came back positive"

Before hanging up, the doctor explained that this could be a pregnancy or a miscarriage. I needed to go back for bloodwork to find out. I went back the next day and the bloodwork confirmed that there had been a miscarriage. It's a sad thing. But I don't feel sad. I feel like it was a little Christmas miracle. For 24 hours, I was pregnant. If it never happens again, I will always be grateful for that little bit of time. I know it shouldn't make a difference in how I feel about myself, but it does. Believe me, I am not going back to the whole trying to get pregnant ordeal. I have no desire to go through a pregnancy at 43 years of age. Adoption is not a consolation prize. I believe adoption is how we are meant to expand our family and can't wait for the day we get the call that we will finally become parents